Advise with a 'white' fib apparently

[nc4this111]

Background, newly married having been together 6 yrs.

Dh put his house on the market several months ago and it sold quickly, however it's been a long 6 mths with the solicitors and buyers .. one thing after another ... he had a call last week to say they will be arranging a completion date soon , so Friday I ask if he'd heard anything 'no nothing' this evening I saw a email when it came through while he was holding his phone from the estate agent.. I didn't say anything.. an hr or so later I asked if he had heard anything from them 'no nothing but I'm sure I will soon, that's what they said'

I stewed on it for an hour... i was quiet , he asked what was wrong , I said I didn't want an argument but I had ask if you had heard anything and you said no but I saw you had an email from them , he didn't know what to do raised his voice , so I did I said you have lied to me and what was it, he then admitted it was a proposed exchange date and he was to call them tomorrow to confirm , he then showed me the email.

Why did he not tell me ? Hes saying he wanted to have it confirmed tomorrow and surprise me , I'm not buying that one bit, if the shoe was on the other foot I'd have told him straight away , I gave him the opportunity to tell me when I asked if he heard from them and he said he hadn't .. he apologised and said he should have said.. I'm not buying it , I feel hurt , he tried to turn it round , said if I don't trust him then what's the point of being married , I pinged that back and said in a marriage surely you would tell your wife if your house has a completion date. What else has he or could he lie about , he said it was only a white lie , it's really thrown me. He got all shitty and said well if you don't trust me I may as well go back to the house , I said you'd best think about pulling out the sale then .. I don't get it one bit, he then goes on to say that because it's been so tough with all the hassle which we have both been in it together , why when he gets this news he keeps it to himself .. I'm I making a mountain out of a miles hill here ? He knows how much I value trust in a relationship

Yes, I love having your parents over!!!
= white lie
Oh no, trust destroyed!!!

@704703hey a lie is a lie in my book; you’re hung up on the OP asking the question from her own husband, when the issue here is that he lied to a direct question. That is what is wrong here. If he doesn’t want to talk about it then say that; don’t lie about it. Also-as they are married, the house he is selling is half hers anyway🤷‍♀️

Maybe he just swerved the original question to avoid a barrage of follow-up questioning about whether or not the proposed date had been confirmed the following day?
I mean its not like the OP's being dramatic about it or anything

How quickly he went to the marriage must be over if you don't trust him, AFTER HE HAS LIED.

Exactly. I hate it when liars use the "well if you don't trust me, we shouldn't be together" line.

Firstly, you've been caught lying. Hardly trustworthy.

Secondly, it's bloody manipulative and controlling to threaten to end a relationship because you've been caught out in a lie. The people who do that don't want to end the relationship, they want you to shut up so you stop saying when you've noticed something shit they've done for fear of losing them.

I think you’re turning a tiny molehill into a massive mountain.
have you ever sold a house. Completion dates are put back all the time. He was waiting until the deed was done, didn’t want to raise your hopes.

I think you need to be apologising.

What about his dramatics by threatening to end the marriage?

Also, he could just be a big boy and say he doesn't want to talk about it.

Would you really tolerate your partner threatening to leave you if they caught you lying?

Oh yes.

I'm so sorry that I noticed you were lying to me and you then starting raising your voice and threatening to end the marriage. I will be a good little wife and pretend not to notice things in future.

It’s a white lie about some conveyancing admin, not a marriage-ending “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”. I would really like to hear the DH’s POV on this one and how often OP asks for updates.

What I suspect is that this is the tip of the iceberg and that there are actually much bigger communication problems, and this isn’t the first “0 to 60 in 60 seconds” fight about not much – it would be astonishing if it were.

I think you are overreacting. Fine to point out you’d prefer he tells you rather than the surprise. If the email said he needs to ring to confirm, then it isn’t yet confirmed?

🙄

HeckyPeck · Today 13:13
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 13:11
I think you’re turning a tiny molehill into a massive mountain.
have you ever sold a house. Completion dates are put back all the time. He was waiting until the deed was done, didn’t want to raise your hopes.
I think you need to be apologising.

“Oh yes.
I'm so sorry that I noticed you were lying to me and you then starting raising your voice and threatening to end the marriage. I will be a good little wife and pretend not to notice things in future.”

You’ve read one side of a story.

What nefarious reason do you think he'd have for lying? Not telling you and thus pocketing the cash?
I think I understand where you're coming from because even just saying something as simple as "got an e-mail, we'll have to see how this one goes" would have ended the situation there. I'm with you - I don't think any sort of lies are acceptable. He could have just answered.

You literally only ever get one side of the story on here.

I would rather take the OP at face value and give advice based on that. Worst case scenario, I've been duped by a liar. Even then, there might be someone else on with a partner who lies and then threatens to leave. I'd rather they knew that's not acceptable behaviour than see loads of comments saying OP is dramatic and making a mountain out of a molehill and needs to apologise.

How did you go today OP?

Did he get a confirmed date for exchange OP? 🤞🏼