Oh dear, what an awful mess, not only for @Txxmarie (are you also replying as @Txx?) but for her first child with the partner and now for the second, as yet unborn child!
To the poster who made the post about USA and abortion - to blanket ban abortion is not an answer to not using contraceptives. Women (and young girls) do not only get pregnant within the confines of a safe loving relationship where lack of contraception is understood to possibly result in pregnancy. The grim reality of pregnancy via sexual assault, not only exists but is real for some people! I sincerely hope that you are not advocating that women in this situation should be forced to not only carry their attackers baby but also then have to go through what could be a dangerous labour and child birth, depending on the circumstances of the mother.
On to the OP.
This is probably going to be another of my “mumsy” posts! What your partner is doing, is something that men have done since men discovered sex! To use that awful phrase back in the day, back then parents would try to force the errant lovers in to what was usually an awful and loveless marriage. Nowadays, people have children and it’s more accepted that the parents may not be married.
Your partner sounds like a complete loser. You’ve mentioned that you think he may be lying to you about his circumstances and his previous relationship and that it wouldn’t be the first time. You sound like you are a mature lady (as in not a teenager) but are you able to support 2 children? I don’t just mean financially but also emotionally, psychologically, etc., etc.?
Of course, regardless of whether he stays or not, he will should be held responsible for both of the children financially but to try to use emotional blackmail to get you to agree to a termination is absolutely disgusting and honestly? Your relationship won’t survive that anyway! You need to open your eyes to what kind of man you have there.
This is not a man who will support you and hold you up through life’s struggles and challenges but is a man who will put you in front of him if a gunman bursts through the door (obviously I’m not actually envisioning a gunman bursting through the door, but I’m trying to make a point!).
To stay in this relationship you have to be prepared to always kowtow to his needs and wants or else have the threat of single parenthood held over your head.
But, you are an adult so can logically think things through to their natural conclusion. My concern is your son - this is the role model you want for him? You want him to be like his dad when he grows up? Gaslighting and manipulating his partner to get what he wants? And it’ll start well before he has a partner - he’ll see how daddy treats mummy and he’ll start to lie, gaslight and manipulate you! Because daddy does it and so that’s how men should act!
Except, is that how men should act? And more to the point, at a time when we should all be concerned with how our actions as women inform the younger generation of females, should we be accepting this type of treatment and behaviour? And should we still be accepting of the model of toxic manhood that your partner is exhibiting? Surely in 2022, we’ve moved on from that?
Darling, no one can tell you want to do and really, unless someone has been in the exact situation as you, they can’t even really advise you. What we can do is counsel you, give you our thoughts so that you can reflect upon them and thus reflect upon your situation. And I would hope that what I’ve written above will help you in that reflective cycle, so that you can decide what is best, not only for you, but also for your son, your unborn child and the situation that you want and hope to be in, as your child or children grow up and also the type of role model that you want to be for your child or children 🌹