Partner isn’t happy about an accidental pregnancy

[Txxmarie]

So I’ve recently found out I’m pregnant with mine and my partners second child . When I’ve told him he is quite angry and has blamed it all on me as I was waiting to start my period to take a new pill however have got pregnant in between . He says he doesn’t want another child incase this upsets his ex and affects his relationship with his older child he has from the previous relationship as when we had our first they was not happy . He’s said point blank he won’t have anything to do with me or the baby or our son if I keep the baby which for me is a definite I feel we’re both responsible and he can’t force me to not have another child based on not wanting to upset his ex . AIBU?

Urgh what a prize HE is. Horrible man! If he didn't want another baby THAT BADLY, he should have worn a condom.

Who the F is voting YABU?

@Itsbiasedhere are you high?!

Wow, I can understand him not being happy about an unplanned pregnancy even though he could have taken many precautions but to threaten what he's said is mad.

What relevance does it have to his ex if you have 1 or 2 kids.

All sounds odd, has he been lying to you?

Oh wow. So him releasing his sperm inside you knowing full well it could end in pregnancy is some how your fault??
100% on him. Don't let him tell you otherwise!
Congratulations to you, really hope it works out whatever path you take 😊

And you still want to have anything to do with this man? He sounds vile. You and your child clearly mean very little to him, so may as well give him the boot and collect maintenance from him.

So basically he blames me getting pregnant the first time on his relationship with his son being ruined personally I feel this was due to others reasons which I won’t go in to but he hasn’t been there for his son like he should have before I even met him .however this now has led him to not wanting another child as he doesn’t want his ex girlfriend and older son to be upset again like the first time , however he could be lying wouldn’t be a first I guess I only get half the story with him to why he doesn’t really see his son he’s just always blamed it on getting me pregnant

I must be tired. I don't understand that. ^

So he barely sees his first child and is openly threatening never to see his second or third children

What a complete arsehole

So it’s a useless deadbeat dad to his first child. And was shit over your first joint child. And yet you thought it would be a great idea to have unprotected sex with him? And what a surprise you actually wanted a second child.
He’s clearly an arsehole, and if he knew you weren’t on the pill I’ve no sympathy for him. But what a stupid decision on your part.

I think it's one of those posters who think that because men only get one chance at stopping pregnancy (contraception) it's unfair that women get two chances (contraception and abortion)

Personally I think it's unfair that healthcare has been proven to be a sexist field where womens health is consistently under prioritised. I think it's unfair that black women are four times more likely to die in childbirth and its taken this long for it to be spoken about.

I think it's unfair that if men are self employed they can effectively avoid CMS. I think its unfair that if they don't pay it takes a lot of hassle to get it sorted.

I think it's unfair that women are still expected by society to deprioritise their careers. I think it's unfair that childcare costs are so high. I think it's unfair that it's hard to get back in the job market if you have taken time out to raise your kids.

I think it's unfair that paternity leave is only 2 weeks when recovery from a c section is 6 weeks.

I think it's unfair that you cannot force men who have walked out to take on some of the childcare responsibilities, thereby fucking up the mother's careers.

I think it's unfair that 74% of the people prosecuted for their children not going to school are women when most if not all of those children will have had a father as well. (and of these 90% of the children had health issues, 60% were bullied but let's blame the mother right). And 90% of the people jailed for this are women.

I think there is a lot of unfairness that can be tackled before we start worrying about men not having it as 'fair' as women.

This is where I land too.

To the OP:
This was not an accidental pregnancy, if you both knew you were having sex without protection then you were both 100% intentional about the possible pregnancy.

Both of you need to grow up and parent the children that you do or will have and both need to stop playing stupid games with each other.

Get rid. My ex only cared about his first child. Even though he is a shit dad. I was told he hoped my baby died. Is it possible hes living a double life? Sounds to me like he could possibly be in love with his ex. Fucked it up originally by getting you pregnant the first time so he concentrated on you, but has been feeding her a load of shit about you and how youre not together... and if you have another baby he's admitting that he is still with you. Threats of not seeing you or your child tell me that he's trying to hide something so is desperate.

Either way. Run. Bad news.

He he’d be willing to abandon one child for the sake of his first child? Utter wanker. I don’t think it has anything to do with his ex, he’s just a horrible human being. You’d be better off without him.

This says it all I’m afraid.
good luck for the future op.

A woman always must have control over continuing a pregnancy or not.

Always
No question
Just always

Something tells me he was always going to be a shit dad to OP’s #1, just as he is to his #1. So it’s kind of an empty threat really.

It’s not an accidental pregnancy though. Reckless on his part, but planned well enough on hers.

He’s showed you who was previously, when you got pregnant the first time and now he’s underscored it by throwing you and his second child under a bus to avoid upsetting his first one.
Leave him op, you and your children deserve better.

I think the biggest issue is why does his exs opinion matter? I understand she might not like it but surely she accepted the first child so any further children should not be an issue. Why is he willing to walk away from you and your shared child if you keep the baby? That to me says that your child is second to the one with the ex. Is there still something between them for her opinion to matter?

Either way this relationship sounds doomed. The pregnancy is just as much his responsibility. Remind him he may decide to walk away but he will still be financially responsible for both your children if you go through with this pregnancy. Maybe his just in shock and being a twat but I would think long and hard about whether you want this relationship even if he does come round.

Another total joke of a man. Jesus.

Ignorant BS.

This....and seemingly more and more examples on MN....whatever happened to strong independent women? yes we all meet shit men in life but jeez some on here are the worst examples of 'my OH often sticks my head in the oven and turns the gas on....is this normal or AIBU?' we are going backwards 🙁

He cannot force you to do anything. He may respond as he has stated. That is just a statement of what he will do if you choose to go ahead with the pregnancy.

In your situation, I would put him out , not because of his position on the termination but because he seemingly cares very little about the children that you already have together. A man who promises to sever his relationship with his child as a threat is a poor excuse of a human being. It is not unreasonable to think that he might no longer want a relationship with you; adult relationships end frequently. It is awful to think that he cares so little about his son.

No matter what you choose to do about the pregnancy, you should send him on his way. How could being alone possibly be worse than being with such a worthless person? This man is no prize.

Is this a wind up?

You are with a man who ruined your first pregnancy and says he’ll leave you if you continue with the second?

I’m confused how you even GOT pregnant because any sane woman
would’ve told him to fuck off long ago.

This, with bells on.

He threatened to abandon you and your first child if you didn't abort this new one. And his supposed reason is it might upset the ex !!

This relationship is already over. My guess is he was already planning to leave and is just worried about maintenance payments. What sort of 'father' threatens to abandon his own child.

You say he ruined your first pregnancy but stayed. Let me guess...Does he live in your flat?

He is being so manipulative! That's so horrible and I am so sorry. If this man can't stand by you at this time he never will.