Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT want to get a cleaner

54 replies

Pinkysunset · 26/11/2022 19:34

Hi.
I’ve recently gone back to full time work and. Have insisted my husband taken in half the housework as we both work the same amount of hours. previously I did the bulk of it as I was home a lot more. I thought this fair.
my husband has booked a cleaner to come this Friday. I do not want a cleaner. he knows I am against this. He booked it anyway.
reasons why I’m against is getting a cleaner….
i don’t want a stranger in my house while I’m not there
i don’t like the idea of other people changing my bed or cleaning my loo or washing my pants.
I earn less per hour than he’s going to be paying the cleaner.
with the currently economic climate I think £17.50 an hour ( husband reckons 8 hours a week!) could be better spent else where ( pay off mortgage more quickly/ put in saving for emergency/ holiday fund)
I think if we just each did our fair share the house would be fine.
yes yabu: let him outsource his half of the cleaning even if it makes you uncomfortable and uses up a big chunk of family money
no, yanbu: it’s not right to get a cleaner if one person isn’t on board with it.
p.s. I know a lot of people love having a cleaner- I just know it’s not for me.

OP posts:
monsteronahill · 26/11/2022 19:41

Can you afford it? Will you struggle with this money being spent on a cleaner?

If you're insisting he is taking 50% of chores and he wants to outsource this, then it's his choice if it's affordable and in budget - as long as you're not doing 100% of it and his 50% is covered then it's all getting done. I don't think you can insist someone picks up 50% of the chores but then tell them how they need to do it and how they're not allowed to do it.

8 hours a week is a lot though - it probably wouldn't be more than 4 unless your house is huge I don't think?

Could you compromise - cleaner comes in but doesn't do your pants or toilet or change your bed? They can concentrate on other bits, mopping / cleaning kitchens and living spaces / other areas of the home - and your 50% can be spent on your bedding / loo / washing.

riotlady · 26/11/2022 20:00

8 hours is nuts unless you live in a mansion or they’re doing a bunch of extra jobs (eg ironing)

I don’t think he’s fundamentally wrong to want a cleaner though

Backy · 26/11/2022 20:04

I have a cleaner but she doesn’t wash my pants (?!) or change our bed. When I worked as a cleaner, I didn’t do that for my client either - although she did used to leave her used pants on the floor which I had to pick up. (Don’t do that!)

I don’t see why you can’t have a cleaner to do the cleaning but leave the laundry (incl bed) to you and DH. 8 hours is ridiculous unless you are complete slobs and live in a palace.

cookiesbeforepookies · 26/11/2022 20:04

£140 pw on a cleaner is £7,280 pa! YANBU

I’ve never had a cleaner, DH and I split the chores 50/50, so I’m with you, OP.

You will get loads of people telling you a cleaner is the norm now.

It sounds like your DH is manipulating you into doing the cleaning again.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/11/2022 20:07

You can’t really stop him getting a cleaner if you can afford one.

But unless your house is vast, 8 hours a week is crackers.

The sensible thing would be to say OK get a cleaner but 3 hours a week or whatever - you have to find a compromise

museumum · 26/11/2022 20:07

8h/week is absolutely loads! But yabu to rule it out entirely. Why not try a few weeks of fewer hours and less personal tasks (mo beds, laundry etc)

SeasonFinale · 26/11/2022 20:08

cookiesbeforepookies · 26/11/2022 20:04

£140 pw on a cleaner is £7,280 pa! YANBU

I’ve never had a cleaner, DH and I split the chores 50/50, so I’m with you, OP.

You will get loads of people telling you a cleaner is the norm now.

It sounds like your DH is manipulating you into doing the cleaning again.

It doesn't sound like that to me. It sounds to me he wishes to use his non working time not doing cleaning so is happy to employ someone else to do it.

Smartiepants79 · 26/11/2022 20:12

Washing your pants???? No cleaner washes the pants!
There needs to be compromise.
if you have a normal size house then 2/3 hours a week is enough to do most of the cleaning tasks. If you can afford it then I think it’s ok for your DH to fo this if he wants. If the roles were reversed 99% of people would be saying he was being unreasonable to stop you having a cleaner.
Its ok for you to have certain tasks you don’t want strangers to do.
Compromise.

Joyfuljolly · 26/11/2022 20:12

i Think if you earn less then a cleaner as you said it makes no sense.

JuneOsborne · 26/11/2022 20:15

The only weird/crackers thing is the idea that it'll take 8 hours a week. It mays have taken your DH to do the cleaning on his own, but a pro will do a whole 2-3 bed house in, what, 3 hours. Unless they're doing a deep clean every week and doing all of the insides of the cupboards, the windows, the skirting boards every single week.

Beanbagtrap · 26/11/2022 20:16

8 hours a week is excessive. 2 hours yes. But make sure the cleaner does an hour on the tasks allocated to you and an hour on tasks allocater to your dh, and remaining tasks get divided equally. Don't let it be that the cleaner does his cleaning and you're left with the rest!

Devoutspoken · 26/11/2022 20:17

Washing pants?

Lndnmummy · 26/11/2022 20:19

OP a cleaner wont do your washing or change your beds unless you ask them too, its by no means standard. I am not that experienced but have never heard of a cleaner doing washing.

BHRK · 26/11/2022 20:20

We both work FT. A cleaner is essential for us.. otherwise we’d spend the entire weekend cleaning and doing laundry. It’s money well spent. And it stops us arguing over chores.
you can’t force your husband to work FT and do half the cleaning if he doesn’t want to!
however I agree that 8 hours is a huge amount!

Echinops · 26/11/2022 20:25

If the cleaner would be doing 'his half' would a compromise be that the half he is outsourcing responsibility for is downstairs, and your half is upstairs? That way the bed/toilet/laundry would not be part of their remit.

Or does he want them to do 100% so neither of you have to clean as 8 hours sounds a lot.

MakeWayMoana · 26/11/2022 20:25

I have a cleaner for 2 hours a week for a fairly big 4 bed house. She cleans all bathrooms (3 bathrooms + downstairs toilet), hoovers and dusts throughout and cleans the kitchen. Once a month she does an extra hour or two, when she does stuff like clean the blinds, windows, other odd extra bits.

8 hours seems massively excessive, especially if it’s only meant to be covering his 50% of chores? I don’t think my husband and I spend a combined 16 hours a week on housework! Unless she’s cooking for you too it’s seems a crazy amount of time.

HowCanIPayItForward · 26/11/2022 20:26

How big/ messy is your house that ge thinks it needs 8 hours?

We pay £10/hour for 3 hours a week in a 4 bed house and that's plenty (she does change the beds but she asked when she started and I said that's top priority as my most hated job. She also hoovers and dusts throughout, cleans bathrooms and kitchen sides and then alternates other jobs (windows, skirtings, wall tiles, fridge etc according to time left and what needs doing.

DH and I still share the remaining day to day chores, but the cleaner does so much more in those 3 hours than either of us could that it frees us up a ton of weekend time.

roarfeckingroarr · 26/11/2022 20:27

Hmmm

I wouldn't do more cleaning and cancel my cleaner if my partner wasn't happy about having one. I value my time too much.

8 hours is nuts!

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 26/11/2022 20:27

Lndnmummy · 26/11/2022 20:19

OP a cleaner wont do your washing or change your beds unless you ask them too, its by no means standard. I am not that experienced but have never heard of a cleaner doing washing.

Agree with this. We used to have a cleaner and they never even offered to do either of those things.

Give it a trial run. I loved having a cleaner and miss it (had to stop due to rising cost of living). 8 hours a week is a shitload though, we had less than half that and all the basics got done. Friday is the best day too as it's all nice for the weekend.

RandomUsernameHere · 26/11/2022 20:28

I think it's ridiculous to pay a cleaner more per hour than you earn yourself, but on the other hand I can understand your DH not wanting to clean if he works full time. Could you reduce your hours at work and spend the extra time on housework? That would make the most sense, both financially and in terms of your preference for not having a cleaner.

Original poster
Pinkysunset · 26/11/2022 20:34

Sorry- 8 hours a month! A month!

OP posts:
BHRK · 26/11/2022 20:35

But if she works FT it’s not like the cleaner is also working FT. The OP will still be bringing home a salary. If OP wants to drop a day and spend the 8 hours cleaning then fair enough, but it’s highly likely that working will still be far more beneficial.

BHRK · 26/11/2022 20:35

8 hours a month??? It’s a no brainer, keep the cleaner. Unless you want to drop 2 hours at work and clean yourself (which seems ridiculous).

JuneOsborne · 26/11/2022 20:36

Ah,a month seems more normal!

Op, give it a fair try. See how it is after say, 3 visits and reassess.

Reebokclassics · 26/11/2022 20:37

I’m a cleaner, I do extremely large five bed houses on four hours every two weeks and they are pristine by the time I’ve left. However I don’t do washing or bed linens, that is a housekeeper job not a cleaner. So you would need to add on extra time for that. Also I charge £14 ph.