Losing the will to live now . Need to just make a choice

[Pastashapes123]

So I’ve not shared a bed with DH for about 7 yrs we are in our 30s . He snores he stinks he’s extremely large and I’m one of these weirdos that needs the perfect environment to sleep. Besides we keep different schedules as I often work till 2/3am because I can’t get anything done because SEN child is often off school and a really terrible sleeper so my career stuff fits in around that . We are both completely NC with all family and don’t have friends so splitting up is not an option as we are dependent on each other for so many things and just couldn’t cope financially or emotionally or practically on our own with all the various issues we have since our child was born. Anyway he’s ended up with the bedroom. I have the couch . It’s not fair as it’s really uncomfortable and I have to listen to the kitchen boiler clicking away and it’s draughty from the chimney etc etc I feel like a homeless person in my own house just going to bed every night with an old blanket in a cold dark room. I’m deeply unhappy and depressed and I just want a proper bed. I’m happy to make a room in the loft and I’d prefer that to giving up our tiny living room.and not having anywhere presentable to have guests since I spent years making this place pretty . It just annoys me as there are two super king beds upstairs with one person in each and I’m in so much discomfort and misery. I can’t ask him to move as almost every night he invites me to sleep with him and therefore he sees this as my choice, I don’t think I’d ever want to again to be fair , when we’re on holiday I always book 3 bed places but we’re in the priciest area , can’t move can’t do a proper extension so I think becoming an attic dweller is my only option. Has anyone else had to do this and can you just put mdf boarding up and then stuff it with insulation? I don’t care if it’s a bit rustic ( there’s already solid flooring but bare roof) .

Op - apologies if this is out of order as I know you have to fight for crumbs - but are you certain you are accessing all the support you possibly can for your SEN child? Are there any organisations that can help you? Maybe the SEN board on here could help you?

www.mencap.org.uk/advice-and-support/children-and-young-people/challenging-support-your-child-getting

^^ For example, Mencap seem to have some information on this.

This is so sad, and so hard for you. It does seem though as others have said, you're separated but cohabiting with your ex whereas he (thinks he) is just having a temporary period of sleeping apart from his partner.

You really need to have a straight conversation with him, it's really unfair to let him labour on under false pretences. As an absolute minimum you need to be clear that you are not going back to sharing a bed and a better solution needs to be made than the couch. I definitely agree with PP that if you don't really use the living room much anyway repurpose it as a proper bedroom, or at least get a proper sofa bed in there.

Xposts op - good to hear you are feeling a bit stronger this morning - it sounds like you are burnt out. Your dh needs to seek support for himself as you can’t carry him too. Like all the posters on here, I really feel for you. Good luck with the new changes to come.

Yes, don’t hold on to “stuff” just because it has sentimental value, your family would I’m sure be saying get rid of it and buy a nice comfy sofa bed, new bedding and pillow for the chimney to stop drafts. It’s difficult but no one is going to solve this for you so, as you say, focus on comfort, mental health and feeling better and not what the house looks like/ gaining a little bit of weight. In a few months time the weather will improve and you can re-jig the house completely once you can use the summer house again etc.