I didn't have a phone as new mum, but if I had

[Lookatbaby]

I KNOW I would have been distracted and looking at my phone all the time. I know this thread will be seen as controversial, judgemental. I emphasise I would have been a phone addict, but my kids were born before smartphones were a thing. I just feel as if I never see a parent with a young child who isn't looking at their phone.

YANBU: I worry babies and young children are not getting enough interaction.

YABU it's fine.

I'd say YABU we all need a break now and again. Kids are full on!

Most of the young mums i know make a conscious effort not to be on their phones when they're with their kids.

Funny you say this as I’m just on my way back from my weekly parenting course and today’s topic was communication. One of the mum’s were saying that phones are so distracting. If you’re in the house with just you and your child, your phone is one of those things can always potentially distract you. There’s no one else in the house at all so there should be no distractions until ping

It’s definitely a big distraction that we all have to make a conscious effort to not let it distract us

I’ve got a 4month old and am grateful for my phone she only contact naps.

If she had been born before phones I’m sure I would have watched box set after box set of dvd’s and Netflix so not much difference ( but now I’m obsessed with mumsnet 🤣🤣)

However, like other mums in my mums group when baby is awake in an awake period phone is away, well when not taking photos of her gorgeous face

Agree with other pp most mums know when to put the phone down and interact with the kid

I just feel as if I never see a parent with a young child who isn't looking at their phone.

Perhaps your judgement is clouding your interpretation of what is going on around you.
I see parents of young children without phones all the time.
You can be distracted from your kids by watching tv, reading the newspaper, ignoring them in the house, talking to other adults instead of giving them attention.
Phones see not always the devil.

When my ds was very young and I was on maternity I was achingly lonely and my phone felt like my only contact with other people/adults. Please don't judge, you've no idea what's going on in that person's life as they look at their phone.

Honestly I feel like kids probably get way more interaction now than when I was a kid. When I think about all the stuff I do with DD, all the activities we do together, etc. it's light years ahead of when I was a kid!

Agreed. I suspect the OP thinks the way she does because she's actively looking for parents who are on the phone. She probably doesn't notice the parents who aren't.

It's also important to remember even if you see a parent on the phone you're seeing a snap shot. Days with small children are long and sometimes it does the child the world of good to have a few minutes entertaining themselves.

The world has moved on in so many ways though, especially in terms of tech. Prior to becoming a mum I was probably pretty judgemental of what other parents did, now I don't care. If a mum's on her phone, you're only seeing a snapshot of her day and you don't know what the rest of it has been like.

As others have said, you’ve not seen the five stories she’s read, or the hour spent together at lunch or playing make believe or enjoying bathtime.

You see moments of a day.

Whilst I sort of agree with you. And I think im addicted a bit to mine (the irony on mumsnet!) whilst I'm 'looking at my phone' I'm

• doing the food shop
• sorting the banking
• booking DS swimming
• emailing nursery re pjs day
• sorting the roofer to come fix the leak
• planning and prepping stuff for Xmas
• making play dates
• reaching out to the others on my mums group after being up for the millionth hour in the night and needing support
• storing the information a child/you/someone else has just told my into the calendar as I can't remember anything anymore

And lots of other associated 'life admin shit' that means I can raise two children. When you look at others you see a snapshot. You don't see the permanence. You wouldn't have seen the above tasks previously as you can't do them 'out' without a phone they would have been done at home. But now women are expected to raise children. Look good. Have a job. Keep a clean house and partner it's still like the 1950s

.

You were probably doing other things though, reading magazines/newspaper, watching TV etc. Nobody interacts constantly with their children

I didn't have a phone, too old. Im glad I didn't, not because of the distractions but the fact that there is a virtual world right there in your hand just poised to give an opinion on everything. So many new mum's second guess themselves or ask "AIBU" when I was lucky enough just to be able to wing it without being "shamed " for co-sleeping/not having a routine/drinking Pepsi max all day. It's tough enough for them without anyone commenting that they think they're on their phones all day.

When my mother was young, her mother used to put her in the pram down at the bottom of the garden next to the coal shed and feed her at 4 hourly intervals. According to my late grandmother, that was how people apparently raised babies back then and anything else was 'spoiling' the baby 🙄. To be fair, mothers needed to get on and do stuff without many of the things we take for granted nowadays.

When I was young, my mother had a large wooden playpen in the corner of the kitchen and we'd go in there for large parts of the day while she was doing things.

I'm not sure everything has changed for the worse in terms of how responsive parents are to their young children.

I had my first baby pre eyes-to-phone-age, so I can see what you are saying.

I think it's rare nowadays to see a mum of a baby/ toddler who isn't glued to her phone, but then the toddler is usually sat in their buggy glued to a kids device.

I think as long as they are still being talked to/ read to/ played with/ sang to, it's fine in moderation. It's just about getting the balance right.

I always worried with my first and questioned myself if he was having too much "TV time". That was before devices.

Totally with you op. God I am glad mine were born just before smart phones. I remember reading a library book in the park while dd1 had a nap in a pram. When they were tiny I was fully present. Yes it was often bloody boring but so much better for them. I know I would have been totally distracted far more often if I had had a phone.

Don't see the issue. My dad was forever head deep into a newspaper or a book. There's a million and one different things someone could be doing on their phone.

I KNOW I would have been distracted and looking at my phone all the time

So presumably you just ignore your older children @Lookatbaby?

YANBU

I remember reading a library book in the park while dd1 had a nap in a pram. When they were tiny I was fully present. Yes it was often bloody boring but so much better for them

If they are asleep why is ignoring them whilst reading's a book better for them than doing the same but with a phone?

Oh yeah cause the 80s were full of interactive parenting and "making memories". We never had a weekend at home....oh 🤔🤣

Personally I think new mums get bashed enough.. not really any need for a new topic to bash them about.

Yeah. That!

Are you actually serious? Reading a book isn’t being any more “present” than being on a phone!