I didn't have a phone as new mum, but if I had

[Lookatbaby]

I KNOW I would have been distracted and looking at my phone all the time. I know this thread will be seen as controversial, judgemental. I emphasise I would have been a phone addict, but my kids were born before smartphones were a thing. I just feel as if I never see a parent with a young child who isn't looking at their phone.

YANBU: I worry babies and young children are not getting enough interaction.

YABU it's fine.

I never mentioned new mums. I said parents. The baby outside the shop was clearly conditioned to put on the performance to get some attention, but after that she completely ignored him!
I accept that people think I only see what I am looking for but I find myself hoping that parents I see out and about will be talking to their kids, interacting at least a bit. There are so few. Almost none. Of course I don't see what's going on at home, but I worry that it's the same there. I don't blame people, I don't judge, parents have a shit deal and good childcare is prohibitively expensive.

It's going to a be an absolute disaster in a few years for some children. I've seen many parents on their phones completely ignore their kids while out at cafes, and the playground etc etc. Also babies being given phones to look at at the supermarket, in the pram and on the bus. No interaction at all. I know I would have been terrible as I am an addict to my phone so not judging just worried.

I used to get kicked out of the house all day when I was a kid and told to come back at tea time- at least my kids are allowed in the house, even if I'm on my phone all day

YANBU, I wish to God I'd had a smartphone when the DCs were small. It might have staved off the all-consuming loneliness and made me a happier and more healthy parent.

I honestly never see nonsense like this anywhere but mumsnet.

‘Oh I roam the streets desperately hoping to see a parent interact with their child, only to have my hopes dashed… I do so worry about these useless phone addicted parents…’

It was always the same. When I was a kid parents would often be out at work, leaving kids to shift for themselves after school. Talking on the house phone, reading magazines or books, sticking the babies in a playpen. If anything I’d say more than ever parents play with and interact with their children. The last thing they need is to be shamed as useless and phone addicted.

Me too. I was so lonely! Phone was a lifesaver when I got one.

And are you really spending your life ‘worrying it’s the same at home?’ Maybe you should start wiggling in between the phone screen and the parent and demand their details to carry out home visits.

Did the newspaper ping him? Did it go on forever without end? Was it working from an algorithm designed to hook him in?
People on this thread are either naive...or feeling guilty.

I'm not a new mum, DS is 17 and I still don't have a mobile phone!

I'm confused by a couple of mentions of the 1980s...smartphones weren't really a thing until 2000+. My kids were born in 2004 and 2007 and I didn't have a smartphone or an iPad, and that was normal.

Yanbu

I have the same concerns, parents on buses, in cafes, in parks staring at their screen ... yes individually they may be dealing with urgent matter but they won't all be!

As another mum with kids who are older, we read to our kids, did puzzles etc to entertain them, and actually supervised them in the park (I found a 4 year old girl walking alone in the park recently, her mum hadn't realised she had walked off, I walked the girl back to the playground and her mum was still staring at the screen, didn't even thank me).

Yes I judge, kids needs parenting

I still have not judged, I am not going to but there you are, misrepresentation is a common default reaction.
For people who are actually interested in this as an issue, I'm not saying things used to be better, but I don't think young children have ever been as deprived of socialising contact.

Teachers in reception classes talk about children not having the most basic of social skills at age 4.

Okay, well I teach kids that age and find their social skills to be the same as always. A variety of course as some children are more shy or reserved, others more confident and outgoing.

What teachers do you mean? Teachers you know? Teachers in a study you’ve read? Or just ‘well teachers say this.’ Because just randomly throwing out statements with no backing or context doesn’t prove your point.

Here is what I am not saying:
"parents should be shamed as useless and phone addicted."

Here is what I am saying : if this is happening, people might benefit from a simple reminder "look at your baby, talk to it"

And as for not judging - you’ve literally said ‘this generation will grow up without empathy’ based on a wide and varied study of… some people you’ve seen out and about, who you don’t even know.

I don’t worry about it at all.

Were mothers 100 years ago worried that their kids weren’t getting enough attention while they did the laundry and scrubbed the front steps and all the rest of it? Probably not. Why are women so harshly judged for having any sort of leisure time that the casual onlooker doesn’t think is worthy? Carry around a Dostoyevsky tome and it’s seen as ok, but read that same book on your phone and suddenly people sneer.

I didn’t have a phone when my twins were little because they weren’t really a thing. I mean I had a Nokia type. They were both still severely speech delayed. I guess if they were born now people would assume this was my fault if they saw me on my phone. I had enough residual guilt about that from my difficult pregnancy.

PS sure I think some might be like you describe. But I think most people actually like their own children and want to spend time with them.

I'm talking about parents, not mothers.
I'm using my observations, as are others.
I have heard and read reports quoted in the media, I didn't make the teachers findings up.
You, Kanaloa, are just one teacher and you are giving us your experience. That's great.

I imagine we are on the same side when it comes to being concerned about children's lives. I have to say a flurry of hostile remarks is not an appropriate response,and doesn't persuade me I'm wrong.
Concern for the future is not "judging".

AGAIN can I repeat, I am talking about PARENTS. Parents parents parents. Leaving phone in other room now......

OP, you've come on a site aimed specifically at parents (clue's in the name), the vast majority of whom are reading it on their phones at this very moment, and said, "All these parents on their phones may be harming their children!" Of course you're going to get backlash - what did you expect?

It's like going onto a birdwatching forum and saying that all this skulking around in hides with binoculars is certainly not doing the birds any good.

Ah yes. I remember the day I was feeling really shitty, had zero sleep but still managed to have a good productive morning with my son, got him out to the playground- spent an hour running around with him and playing games- then my phone pinged, my sister was texting to finalise plans for us to all go the aquarium for my birthday, because I had asked for a day out for my son for a gift. Took a minute or two to text her back, while keeping an eye on my son, who was happily amusing himself, only to look up and see an old lady giving me a the stink-eye and tutting because I DARED to look at my phone.

Yes, parents shouldn’t ignore their kids for their phones but let’s not pretend that most times parents are getting judged over nothing because people just LOVE to judge parents, especially mums on their own.

My phone changed aren’t to are. Damn phones.

You made this up or read it on the Daily Mail.

Either way it adds little to nothing to your argument.

My 4yo is bloody brilliant. She's imaginative, inquisitive, chatty, funny, outgoing. I used my phone around her too, can you even imagine!

I think uninterested parents existed long before mobile phones.

Yeah, we have baby twins and a 3 year old and the only time I get to look at my phone is when the babies are in a pram facing away from me, probably asleep and I've sat down on a bench for a break from wheeling them endlessly around our village.

We are really careful about phones at home, so I try in turn not to be judgemental of others.

I think in general society is more child focused than it's ever been. My mum never worried about teaching me stuff, that's the school's job, or playing with me, she had multiple children so they could play with each other. We were largely left to get on with things while she ran the house.
My kids get so, so much more focused attention than I ever had, Sometimes I'll use my phone inbetween, especially when I'm sat in the park or something, they're having a run around and judgy bitches can see a snapshot and think that I'm not paying attention to them.