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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Watching cartoon in cafe

67 replies

Newmumcw · 25/11/2022 15:04

We went to a cafe with our toddler today who asked to watch some cartoons, we normally don't let him have that much screen time at home, but when we go out we let him watch a little bit so we can actually enjoy our meals too (we talked to him the whole time so not ignoring him).

DS had a great time but a man at the next table kept glancing at us disapprovingly (the cartoon was on silent so it couldn't be the noise that bothered him). When we gave DS some of our dessert he glanced at us too, I tried to make small talks but he just stared at DS not saying much. We felt so uncomfortable having someone glancing over all the time and felt judged.

AIBU to think he's being rude and openly judging how we parent our child? We think occasion treats when we go out is fine, and parents deserve a break too! What do you think?

OP posts:
Joshanddonna · 25/11/2022 15:06

He might just be shy or have that type of face. If he didn’t say anything what does it matter

JauntyJinty · 25/11/2022 15:10

Maybe he was just nosey?

Difficult to comment on this specific case. In general as long as the tablet is on silent you're fine.

Autumnnewname · 25/11/2022 15:12

He glanced over

That's it

KnickerlessParsons · 25/11/2022 15:12

Well I would also judge you for giving a child a tablet to keep him quiet. So....

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2022 15:14

Someone glanced towards you and you automatically put it down to him judging your parenting? I believe that says more about You than him tbh.

Frabbits · 25/11/2022 15:15

You don't know the man so you really don't know what he was thinking. I wouldn't let it bother me for a second.

And if he was judging you for letting a kid watch cartoons, fuck him.

WimpoleHat · 25/11/2022 15:15

Honestly - why do you care what he thought? You’ve judged him for being a judgmental nosy parker. Next time give him the death stare back and move on.

balalake · 25/11/2022 15:16

If it was silent, no issue I think.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2022 15:16

We think occasion treats when we go out is fine, and parents deserve a break too! What do you think?

Personally I dont think a cafe with a toddler is the time for parents to 'have a break' Hmm

BigChesterDraws · 25/11/2022 15:16

You are allowed to have your opinion on screen time in cafes, and equally he is allowed to have his too. You’ve criticised him for “judging” you (when he may have just been nosey) but you are judging him also. You might want to come down off that high horse you’re on.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 25/11/2022 15:18

Yes he was judging you because in his day kids didn't look at screens when they were In a cafe.

PrincessPoodle · 25/11/2022 15:19

KnickerlessParsons · 25/11/2022 15:12

Well I would also judge you for giving a child a tablet to keep him quiet. So....

I'd judge you if you sat around peering at a child who was happy, loved and fed.

luxxlisbon · 25/11/2022 15:19

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2022 15:16

We think occasion treats when we go out is fine, and parents deserve a break too! What do you think?

Personally I dont think a cafe with a toddler is the time for parents to 'have a break' Hmm

Why is it not though? The toddler was happy watching a show, probably having a babyccino and a bit of muffin and the parents are having a chat and a hot coffee that someone else made for them, what’s wrong with that?

PrincessPoodle · 25/11/2022 15:20

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2022 15:16

We think occasion treats when we go out is fine, and parents deserve a break too! What do you think?

Personally I dont think a cafe with a toddler is the time for parents to 'have a break' Hmm

When can parents have a break? The child isn't hurting anyone, not running around making a nuisance of themselves.

Hugasauras · 25/11/2022 15:20

Not something I would do but wouldn't care about anyone else doing it!

CaptainMyCaptain · 25/11/2022 15:21

If he didn't say anything he wasn't openly judging and probably wasn't even thinking about it.

Snugglemonkey · 25/11/2022 15:45

Who cares what he was thinking? You were not disturbing anyone, your child was happy, everyone was happy. What is the problem?

I think that the problem is less with the man and more with you feeling uncomfortable yourself. He could have been thinking anything, but you went to a place of judgement in your head.

Part of you thinks it's not ok to give your son a tablet. I would be interested in thinking about which part, because it sounds like you do not have a problem with it. So you have internalised the idea that it is not appropriate. Who from? It might be a parental voice, or a composite, like of Mumsnet whingers.

I would treat that thought as an intruder in my mind. Deal with it like an intruder in your house and tell it to fuck off. If you keep pushing back against it, it will weaken.

Some people are judgemental, I can be myself even when kids are running mad and parent's are "having a break" at the expense of everyone else. You were doing something entirely different and it is a pity that you still felt a sense of shame.

It might be useful to ask yourself "who has the problem here?". In that scenario it seemed like he had one, however when you start thinking about it etc, you are taking it on and making it your problem. Mentally throw it back. Visualise disapproval as an object you can physically chuck back. Actively reject it.

Don't let anyone being an arse take your joy or pleasure.

Frabbits · 25/11/2022 15:47

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2022 15:16

We think occasion treats when we go out is fine, and parents deserve a break too! What do you think?

Personally I dont think a cafe with a toddler is the time for parents to 'have a break' Hmm

Surely going out for a coffee is literally the definition of "taking a break". If that involves letting the kid watch cartoons for 10 minutes what does it matter.

OnceYouKPop · 25/11/2022 15:50

You have no idea what he was thinking. You've assumed he was judging you and you seem quite defensive which suggests more about you than it does about him.

Original poster
Newmumcw · 25/11/2022 16:02

Snugglemonkey · 25/11/2022 15:45

Who cares what he was thinking? You were not disturbing anyone, your child was happy, everyone was happy. What is the problem?

I think that the problem is less with the man and more with you feeling uncomfortable yourself. He could have been thinking anything, but you went to a place of judgement in your head.

Part of you thinks it's not ok to give your son a tablet. I would be interested in thinking about which part, because it sounds like you do not have a problem with it. So you have internalised the idea that it is not appropriate. Who from? It might be a parental voice, or a composite, like of Mumsnet whingers.

I would treat that thought as an intruder in my mind. Deal with it like an intruder in your house and tell it to fuck off. If you keep pushing back against it, it will weaken.

Some people are judgemental, I can be myself even when kids are running mad and parent's are "having a break" at the expense of everyone else. You were doing something entirely different and it is a pity that you still felt a sense of shame.

It might be useful to ask yourself "who has the problem here?". In that scenario it seemed like he had one, however when you start thinking about it etc, you are taking it on and making it your problem. Mentally throw it back. Visualise disapproval as an object you can physically chuck back. Actively reject it.

Don't let anyone being an arse take your joy or pleasure.

Actively reject it 💪

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmumcw · 25/11/2022 16:05

PrincessPoodle · 25/11/2022 15:19

I'd judge you if you sat around peering at a child who was happy, loved and fed.

Show quote history

Love this 😀

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 25/11/2022 16:15

Not sure you were enjoying your time out with your partner or friend or whoever you were with today, if you spent so much time watching the man in the cafe.

I think YABU.
In just the way you were judging him, he is entitled to judge you.
We all form opinions about people we see, all the time. He hasn't said anything or complained, so - even if her were judging (and we have no proof of that), what does it matter?

I sit in cafes on my own, and sub-consciously must look at people sometimes. It doesn't mean I am watching them. Much more likely to be staring into space, thinking about something else. However, if I am in a cafe with another person, I would be looking at / chatting with them, not peering round to see how many times someone else looks in my direction.

4thdegree · 25/11/2022 16:18

did he aye?

OceanbreezeSun · 25/11/2022 16:21

Some odd responses on this thread☠️

Why would you openly judge someone for putting a cartoon on the phone for 15 mins?

Why wouldn’t going out for a coffee with your dc be considered ‘taking a break’?

I go out to cafes with my toddler dd often, she is ‘well behaved’ and happily sits at the table playing with her toys or a sticker book - we often get older people glancing over, but I have never felt judged, it doesn’t even cross my mind. They usually just smile and will often say something nice as we are getting ready to go.

Regarding the man - if the phone was on silent, the guy can’t have been annoyed by the noise. There is no way of knowing what he was thinking - he might just be glancing over innocently, not thinking about anything in particular or maybe he was being judgmental, who knows!

Op, don’t give it anymore thought. There will always be certain people who judge you no matter what you do - they are irrelevant to you and your life. As long as you are happy with your choices & your dc is happy - that really is all that matters.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/11/2022 16:23

Sounds like you spent too much time staring at the man to see if he was mm staring st yoh