Watching cartoon in cafe

[Newmumcw]

We went to a cafe with our toddler today who asked to watch some cartoons, we normally don't let him have that much screen time at home, but when we go out we let him watch a little bit so we can actually enjoy our meals too (we talked to him the whole time so not ignoring him).

DS had a great time but a man at the next table kept glancing at us disapprovingly (the cartoon was on silent so it couldn't be the noise that bothered him). When we gave DS some of our dessert he glanced at us too, I tried to make small talks but he just stared at DS not saying much. We felt so uncomfortable having someone glancing over all the time and felt judged.

AIBU to think he's being rude and openly judging how we parent our child? We think occasion treats when we go out is fine, and parents deserve a break too! What do you think?

This, perhaps he had the male version of resting bitch face (resting bastard face?)

Glancing?

How do you know he was judging you?

I think this sort of behaviour only becomes objectionable when it's a stare. People are allowed to glance at others and have their own thoughts. But if they stare it becomes rude. Even so though there might be reasons you don't know about that would cause someone to stare, best to givebithers the benefit of the doubt until they confirm.your suspicions with words/actions.

People can't always consciously control where they glance — we automatically move our eyes towards salient aspects of our environment. Perhaps the bright colours and fast-moving images on the screen drew his eye for a moment. Perhaps your toddler squealed loudly with delight at the prospect of pudding and his eyes automatically moved to the source of the sound. I don't think you can reasonably object to glances.

Totally agreed with what you said. Thank you 😀

Stop staring at random men. They might think you're judging them.

Perhaps he wanted to watch the cartoon too.

I suspect @OceanbreezeSun is right, and the man may well have simply been glancing over. It may be that his attention was drawn by the movement and colour of the cartoon - in the same way that a flash of light or colour in the corner of your eye makes you glance over to see what it was.

Personally, I wouldn’t judge parents using cartoons on silent to entertain their child in a cafe. We didn’t have smartphones and tablets when I was raising my dses, but if we had had access to them, I might have used them. I would judge someone who was letting their child watch something/play games with the volume up, in a cafe - but what you were doing sounds fine, @Newmumcw.

I subconsciously wrinkle my forehead when I'm thinking. Or day dreaming. Or vacant! I'm told it makes me look like I have an opinion on something. I don't! I don't know I'm doing it. But I'm not going to stop looking around in case someone gets upset with me either!

He might have my expression! Don't give it another thought.

Because, let's say he DID disapprove, he might go home and tell his wife who'd probably tell him to belt up and that's that!

YABU. It’s such lazy parenting.

How do you expect them to sit nicely and behave appropriately in cafes if you just sit down and shove a screen in their face?

Really?

I admit people who take little ones to restaurants then ignore them leaving the electronic babysitter ti entertain them is one of my pet hates. Not that I would stare but I admit to judging

I don’t let my kids have screens in cafes as they need to learn how to behave when out and they can watch them at home (so I can hide my shot parenting as it is a bit shit but we all do it). However, as it was on silent I can’t get worked up about it. Had their been noise id have asked you to turn it off or given headphones.

The ones making snap judgements about toddlers with screens will also be the first ones to also throw dirty looks if the toddler is crying and fussing.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I know what you mean OP. Lots of judgy pants where I live too. I bring crayons etc for mine and sometimes it works. I bring books, crafty type things,
magnets, paper dolls. Sometimes I let them play letter games or shape games on my phone. I get stares too. It used to bother me with my oldest but now second time around I just glare back with a huge smile. On occasion if I get fed up I'll say "excuse me, can I help?".

I'd much rather someone controlled the nouse their children make in public spaces by using screens then letting little Timmy run riot and screaming loud or endless "mummmmmy I want to goooooo now" while mummy is chatting oblivious, pretending to ignore them. No, control your child so everyone else can wnjoy their meals.

🙄

What rubbish. How is it really that different from looking at a book and it disturbs no-one else. They weren't around when I had a young child but I suspect I would have used a tablet if I had one. Many years ago when laptops were a new thing I saw a man with two small children watching a film on one in an airport and thought it was brilliant.

So many people falling over themselves explaining away this awful behaviour. Perhaps his eyes are like that? Perhaps he is shy? You don't know him, perhaps its just his face.

Sometimes the most obvious answer is the correct one. He probably was judging. Just as some of you are here.

You're making a rod for your own back here.

He shouldn't learn to associate going out for food with getting a screen. Its just going to be harder when he is older.

That's just my opinion. Its obviously your choice but if he doesnt need it because of SEN then dont teach him that he gets screen time when you go out for food.

What a sad life you must lead 🤣

Oh have a day off hun.

Stop being lazy and get off MN and go do some parenting.

You don’t really know why he glanced at you, or what he was thinking though.

Just as a possible example - you seem concerned that you wouldn’t look like a good parent as your child was watching cartoons, and you also stress that you were talking to him the whole time.

It could be that in your effort to show you weren’t be a bad parent you were actually doing irritating “performance parenting” loud talking to your child and he was looking over because of that.

It’s only a possibility, but I’m just suggesting that he could have been thinking more or less the opposite of what you assume.

Or he could have not been thinking anything and actually looked at everyone in the cafe equally.

I used to sit and read books as a child in restaurants and cafe. Or even do a bit of colouring. Shockingly I'm capable of sitting quietly and not running around the cafe without parental supervision at nearly 40.

Nothing wrong with books and colouring.

Oh really 🙄

What if the book was on my Kindle app on my phone ? Is that acceptable or does it need to be paper for me to learn to sit nicely?