To be uncomfortable about word "rape" being used out of context at work

[Fireyflies]

Male colleague, first time meeting him, used as a metaphor for something he felt strongly about - "The government is raping...." (ie underfunding, undervaluing) . He used it twice with emphasis I feel trying to make me uncomfortable. Or am I just being over sensitive?

I'd feel the same.

I was talking to someone the other day and they referred to a disappointing looking cake as ' an abortion'

WTF

No, I wouldn't like that either.

Not a word to be used casually, particularly around starngers when you have no idea of their previous experiences.

Thanks. I should have mentioned, there were just the two of us in the meeting by that point. (A third person had joined remotely but had to leave early)

'Rape' has more than one meaning, and they are using it perfectly correctly

He's not using the word out of context (it can mean the destruction of something), but I agree with you - because of it's much more common meaning I wouldn't use that word in that way.

It’s not uncommon to use it this way. I think you are being over sensitive. Would you be offended by a female using this term?

I wasn't offended so much as uncomfortable. Im not sure. - I might not have been so uncomfortable if a female colleague had used it, tbh.

Most men who pull this shit when alone with women, are enjoying the shock/discomfort effect. They like to put us in the back foot and remind us of the power imbalance. I doubt that this will be the last incident.

It's not his fault you have a poor understanding of what words mean!

Massive assumption there. Not all men are evil you no.

I agree with this.

I can both understand the meanings of the word "rape" and understand the social context. It is a word clearly used to shock.

It’s a horrible word to use. He’s an arse.

Agree with this.

It's an old fashioned way to use it and it's not as common nowadays but it's not actually incorrect, as others have said. Rape can also mean to seize, to carry off, to destroy etc. It's also a type of plant.

My (female) colleague jokes about “sneeze raping” people (by which she means interrupting a sneeze before it happens). I hate it. It comes up more often than you’d expect!

She also describes things as abortions. Grim really.

Look in a dictionary. "Rape" doesn't just mean bodily rape.

Agreed. It absolutely made sense in the context of what he was saying. The word rape has several meanings.

He could have used a less controversial word but he chose that one.

plus it’s a bit like when you were a kid and say a slightly naughty word but in an acceptable context eg I once put the word sod in scrabble and got told off but I said ‘but it’s also a gardening term haha’… it’s that level of maturity you’re dealing with.

The word may be grammatically correct but the more common usage of the word is in the sexual violence sense, and a different word could easily have been used instead.

Well I don't like it either but that is just because of what I associate it with, it brings up thoughts I don't want but to be perfectly honest that is my personal issue and it is a perfectly acceptable word in the English dictionary and has been for years so we cannot really take offence as it was used correctly, just because we are unaware of the meanings of the word doesn't mean you have cause for complaint I very much doubt it was used to make you uncomfortable I know lots of people who say this frequently and I always cringe but it is just a word that's all.

I think given it can mean this, but it is not at all something people say now as it is not widely understood to have that meaning, it is probably a quite word, or email, to say

“whilst I know you didn’t mean to shock or cause offence, and it is a legitimate word to use, some people, especially women who have been sexually assaulted, will feel shocked and disturbed by you using the word “Raping” in the context of the topic we were discussing, especially in the workplace . You might want to think about that. You do not know the background of the women you speak to, or may use this word in this context with. 1 in 20 women you interact with will have experienced rape- you will not know which ones have.

Or something like.

He was talking about a public service that is underfunded and has had a lot of bureaucracy added. Not really an analogy for carrying off or destroying

I would suggest there are more appropriate words that could be used to get the point across.and saying it twice is unnecessary

I think he is using the word strictly correctly as it it's being willfully destroyed through lack of funding/crushing under bureaucracy. Not the most thoughtful word to have chosen though.

The examples of calling things an abortion is absolutely bizarre though. Did they mean aberration maybe? Like one of those words you read and say in your head wrongly, and have never heard anyone say it so you never get corrected

Exactly. And all the “oh, it has this meaning” is disingenuous: it’s a man using this specific word when alone with a woman who doesn’t know him well. If he’s got such a well-developed vocabulary he could have picked a million other words.