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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you buying teachers and TAs christmas presents?

129 replies

Merryoldgoat · 25/11/2022 13:30

I like to usually donate to the collection but there isn't one this year.

So as a Teacher/TA would you like a gift or is it just tat/another fucking candle you could do without? The reality is how can I possibly know what they'd like? I suppose I could just do a bottle of Prosecco?

YABU - guy a gift
YANBU - no gifts required

OP posts:
Ragwort · 27/11/2022 07:44

I totally agree it is just not appropriate to buy teacher gifts, even if you can afford it there are many parents who can't and feeling that it is the 'norm' to buy gifts can be very stressful for people who are struggling.
I've said this before on Mumsnet but I volunteer at a Food Bank and the saddest thing I saw was when a mum who uses the Food Bank regularly was buying a large, expensive bouquet for her child's teacher at Christmas because she thought it was the 'right' thing to do. Sad.

I never bought teacher gifts, I would send a handwritten card or letter but preferred to use my time and money supporting the PTA etc.

Hobbitfeet32 · 27/11/2022 07:48

@Ragwort giving some time to the PTA is a great idea.
If classes are doing a collection then at most £1-2 should be the contribution. But I still feel that it is inappropriate.

Mrsuntidy · 27/11/2022 07:56

Teacher here. We really don't need gifts but if you do want to- chocolates are fab. You mentioned prosecco- I would love a bottle but I know some of my colleagues don't drink so it is always tricky. I personally don't mind lots of candles and mugs. I enjoy them! I wouldn't overthink it- just a small token. I often get given a £5 Costa voucher which I like as it is enough for a nice coffee and a cake. Thank you for taking the time to think about it.

SpongeBob2022 · 27/11/2022 08:05

I don't think a present is necessary but it's nice to do a card.

I'll do a £10 Amazon or JL/Waitrose voucher. If I couldn't afford to I definitely wouldn't.

I'd prefer it if the class did a voucher and then I'd give a fiver but we don't do it in our year.

No one knows I've done a gift as it's in a card so that solves the issue of people seeing.

I'm sure teachers are nice and grateful for presents but I can't think that anyone would want 30 mugs, candles or bunches of flowers.

I wouldn't give more than £10 but in any case I wondered if there is supposed to be a limit they can accept like in NHS etc, which is usually quite low. Maybe I'm overthinking that.

Munches · 27/11/2022 08:11

Hellothere54 · 25/11/2022 14:16

As a teacher, there is nothing nicer than a Christmas card with lovely message (if you think I’ve been doing a good job!) Presents are not needed - lovely, appreciated - but not needed. I do my job because it is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done and I get paid to do it. I wouldn’t think more of it less of anyone depending on presents!

You sound lovely 💕

Tintackedsea · 27/11/2022 08:22

Every single headteacher in the land should be putting their foot down and telling parents not to do this gift nonsense. It's totally inappropriate and even more so this year. Schools have a responsibility to end competitive gifting and the pressure it puts on parents. If you want to make a teacher smile and feel appreciated then write them a card telling them what a good job they're doing. No teacher wants anything more than that.

MarvellousMrsMouse01 · 27/11/2022 08:23

I have 2 DC in primary school, I buy one tin of quality streets for each class to share between the class staff, but also easy to divide up if not finished by the end of term. 2 tins for £7 at Morrisons at the moment so doesn't break the budget. I also attach a card to each tin thanking respective class's staff for their help with DC and wishing them a Merry Christmas.

tulips27 · 27/11/2022 08:25

It sounds like schools should be stepping in and either banning gifts (other than cards and letters) as previous posters said or setting a low limit like 3 pounds into a collection. Other professions have rules about accepting gifts so it's not unusual.

Ragwort · 27/11/2022 08:38

tulips27 ... I agree about other professions having strict rules about accepting gifts, I've mentioned it on Mumsnet before but was told I was a Scrooge Grin.

ConnieTucker · 27/11/2022 08:42

tulips27 · 27/11/2022 08:25

It sounds like schools should be stepping in and either banning gifts (other than cards and letters) as previous posters said or setting a low limit like 3 pounds into a collection. Other professions have rules about accepting gifts so it's not unusual.

I can guarantee there would be a mumsnet thread wheee posters were appalled the school was demanding £3 each, and how they do not have time to write a letter. 😂

elQuintoConyo · 27/11/2022 08:58

DS makes a card, that's it.

I'm also a teacher and hate receiving gifts. Totally unnecessary.

Lookout3 · 27/11/2022 09:16

I would do a large box of teabags and a Box of biscuits!

Marblessolveeverything · 27/11/2022 09:23

We go consumables and send in a tray of Xmas treats to the teachers lounge and a few flowers to the secretary, she is an absolute amazing person who over the years has always helped every child she could.

Lollipop999 · 27/11/2022 09:29

tulips27 · 27/11/2022 08:25

It sounds like schools should be stepping in and either banning gifts (other than cards and letters) as previous posters said or setting a low limit like 3 pounds into a collection. Other professions have rules about accepting gifts so it's not unusual.

This

I’m surprised schools haven’t stepped in this year tbh…

nottheoptics · 27/11/2022 09:31

Card with a nice message. Email to my boss saying something nice. Not a teacher mug. I am a teacher and give my DC's teachers £5/£10 coffee or stationery shop vouchers with a card. If they do something good for my DC through the year I email the head singing their praises.

AwfulTed · 27/11/2022 09:41

TA here, no need for a gift. A card and an appreciative email to the principal would be amazing though… some classes can have 3 or 4 adults in, I cringe thinking of the exasperated conversations around this!

Lulu1919 · 27/11/2022 09:44

A tin of biscuits for the staff room with a card is perfect

Xmasbaby11 · 27/11/2022 09:45

My DC are in Y4 and Y6. I usually give:

Handwritten card (either by me or DD)
Individual bottle of prosecco and box of Green and Black's miniatures / other nice chocs

I used to mix it up a bit and try to buy the teacher more personal but now they are all getting the same because I don't have the headspace.

I figure it's easy to regift if they don't like it.

fabulouslyglamouroussquirrel · 27/11/2022 09:51

elQuintoConyo · 27/11/2022 08:58

DS makes a card, that's it.

I'm also a teacher and hate receiving gifts. Totally unnecessary.

Gosh, that's a strong statement! I feel sad that I may have gifted a teacher and they have 'hated it'.

I can confirm, teacher here, that most don't 'hate' gifts. We may feel a little embarrassed if it's very ostentatious though.

A card, a chocolate orange, wine, anything really is appreciated/loved by me! I don't eat chocolate or really drink, but my own children love to share any chocolate that I receive and the wine gets cracked open with friends at social occasions. So most gifts make me happy twice!!

I'm a 'box of Maltesers with a handwritten card' mum myself!

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 27/11/2022 10:19

Lots of mixed opinions.

Im going for Prosecco for teachers and key workers (5) and then a nice box of biscuits for each class (2) and the staff room.

I know they all drink as they were all at the Fair yesterday trying to win booze on the Bottle Tombola.

OP posts:
Topbird29 · 27/11/2022 10:22

Old primary school - class rep used to organise a joint collection - could put in as much or as little as wanted. Was good as used get a voucher or presents that were pf a decent value for both main teacher and ta. New school doesn't seem to have that, so last year was lindt or Toblerone and a mini prosecco. This year is a Terry's choc orange and a scratchcard! Might do
a box of biscuits for the office too.

Topbird29 · 27/11/2022 10:25

And at end of summer term the old school class rep used to organise all kids drawing a small picture / message (a5 sized) which she then collated into a presentation book and gave that with presents. Think that was a nice idea.

ConnieTucker · 27/11/2022 10:27

Lookout3 · 27/11/2022 09:16

I would do a large box of teabags and a Box of biscuits!

Yes this.

we are more frequently getting letters / cards from parents saying they appreciate their child is a nightmare and as a thank you here are a box of cakes / biscuits / chocolates for the staffroom. That always gets a laugh of appreciation and theyre always gone in an hour.

Lollipop999 · 27/11/2022 11:03

Our class is doing a collection, but someone has suggested £10 per child. This seems extortionate to me and I feel for those who can’t afford that and might be too embarrassed to say, and therefore feel excluded. It would be better to ask whoever wants to to put a couple of pounds in and get something smaller, especially this year. It’s the thought that counts l

That said, I suppose I could have organised the collection myself.

Nectarines · 27/11/2022 11:06

as a teacher, I certainly never expect gifts. I do, however, really appreciate little hand drawn pictures or cards- especially when the child has put effort in. That’s a real sign of appreciation to me and I always keep them all.