To not want a curfew

[LisaVanderpump1]

I don’t go out late very often; once or twice a month. But when I do, my boyfriend always gets ticked off and says I’m being inconsiderate.

He’s a light sleeper and says he can’t go to bed before I get home because he’ll wake up and not be able to get back to sleep. (He’s neurotic in a few ways, and he’s v. precious about his sleep.) Also, my dog gets a bit excited when either of us come in, and he says this would disturb him even if the bit of noise from me coming in doesn’t (fair). Note: he has no safety concerns for me - this is 100% about me disturbing his sleep.

I’m currently 5 mins from home and he’s pissed off and says it’s too late and I’m being inconsiderate (I’ve been at a friend’s, and it’s taken me 1 hr+ to get home.)

I don’t feel it’s that late, especially given that it’s Friday tomorrow and I don’t do this often. He often doesn’t go to bed until about 1am, even if we’re both at home, so I don’t get the big deal.

I never had a curfew as a kid, and I don’t want one now that I’m an adult - especially from my boyfriend. And I have no desire for him to be home for a certain time even though him coming in disturbs me a little - I just see it as being not that often and not a big deal. So who is being unreasonable here?

Well he's already up as he was awake to tell you he's annoyed. Just ignore the drama you haven't done anything wrong.

YANBU. He's being absurd.

Is it your house or his? Wait until you have teenagers, they come in at all hours and their definition of 'being quiet' isn't very. Tell him to get some ear plugs.

It's not about the sleep it's about controlling you.

He sounds controlling, I'd be rethinking this relationship

Oh dear you've got a selfish wanksock for a boyfriend

May I suggest you tell him to take his precious sleep issue and shove it up his rear end

And then throw him out because he's a controlling pile of old batwank

Tell him to fuck off. Honestly. Does he never go out? Or does this prince amongst men have no mates?

I'm a light sleeper, DH is a terrible stomper and the dog barks when people get home.

He doesn't have a curfew because I'm not weird and controlling.

Does he have work today?

Has he never heard of war plugs?!

This isn't about sleep, it's about control. He doesn't like you going out and this is his way of making you feel guilty about it and so you'll stop. Big red flag.

Agh. EAR plugs.

If I were in a relationship with this fool, I’d invent war plugs.

This. My husband is a person in his own right not an extension of me and I expect him to see me in the same light.

Coming in wankered and starting a fight/sleeping until lunch and ditching responsibilities - not ok. Coming in as and when you feel is OK for you to function as required for your life situation (being an adult and all) - perfectly fine.

Honestly I think war plugs are an excellent idea

I have some sympathy from him, tbh. I also have trouble getting back to sleep when I'm awoken, and once or twice a month is fairly often, in my opinion. But if he does it to you, then he has no right to complain.

You say you don’t do it often but once or twice a month is often (to me anyway)

I have a bit of sympathy for him. I’d be pissed off if my house was going like a fair at half one in the morning.

He’s being needy, insecure, PATHETIC.

This is not about his sleep. It’s about controlling you, so that it’s not even worth you going out, and he has you right where he wants you.

Do you not find it massively unappealing, and a huge turn off??

No, he has no mates.

Quelle surprise…..

I bet he will be even more fun to live with if you have children.

Urgh. I wouldn't tolerate that at all.

I think 1:30am is late and I think once once or twice a month is often. But I also think you are at liberty to go out late and often. Your boyfriend is being a bit silly about sleep. If he needs sleep he will go back to sleep and I don’t think that is really his issue.

I think it is late and it is often. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t a controlling wanker!

I’d sit him down tomorrow for a serious conversation.

Darling, you don’t like me coming in late and I don’t like having a curfew. I refuse to spend the rest of my life living like this. It isn’t going to work out. Do you want to move out or shall I?

Nope YANBU as long as you are trying to be as quiet / considerate as you can when you enter (i.e. not banging and stomping around).

If its genuinely about sleep suggest he get some earplugs. It's more likely about control, I'd be very clear about not being dictated to regarding your social life, if he can't accept that you have to consider if he's the right person for you.

It would be interesting to see what his response would be if you said, 'No worries DP, I'll just stay out and come back in the morning so as not to disturb your sleep..' I wonder if that would change his tune...😂

he wants to put you on a leash. and trying to make you feel guity about not putting him first.

go out.
meet friends.
keep up the old friendships.
don't feel guilty.

ltb if the relationship doesn't work for you like tgis.