To not want a curfew

[LisaVanderpump1]

I don’t go out late very often; once or twice a month. But when I do, my boyfriend always gets ticked off and says I’m being inconsiderate.

He’s a light sleeper and says he can’t go to bed before I get home because he’ll wake up and not be able to get back to sleep. (He’s neurotic in a few ways, and he’s v. precious about his sleep.) Also, my dog gets a bit excited when either of us come in, and he says this would disturb him even if the bit of noise from me coming in doesn’t (fair). Note: he has no safety concerns for me - this is 100% about me disturbing his sleep.

I’m currently 5 mins from home and he’s pissed off and says it’s too late and I’m being inconsiderate (I’ve been at a friend’s, and it’s taken me 1 hr+ to get home.)

I don’t feel it’s that late, especially given that it’s Friday tomorrow and I don’t do this often. He often doesn’t go to bed until about 1am, even if we’re both at home, so I don’t get the big deal.

I never had a curfew as a kid, and I don’t want one now that I’m an adult - especially from my boyfriend. And I have no desire for him to be home for a certain time even though him coming in disturbs me a little - I just see it as being not that often and not a big deal. So who is being unreasonable here?

Yeah he's trying to stop you from going out by making it more hassle than it's worth.

Boyfriend of how long? Do you live together or is he staying at yours?

I’m a light sleeper and my DH was v selfish. Can you sleep downstairs the odd occasion. But what a nightmare having babies with this guy will be.

I am exactly like your boufriend in this scenario and yes, if DH comes home after I'm already sleep it will inevitably wake me up and its likely I'll then be lying there wide awake for ages while he is snoozing away next to me.

It's frustrating for me, but it's for me to deal with. I absolutely wouldn't expect DH never to go out late.

Some people that don't sleep well can become really weird and controlling....or maybe people who are weird and cotrolling don't sleep well? Anyway, have a relative who doesn't sleep well and always makes lots of comments when they stay about who woke them up and what time, next doors milkman, the wind, someone turning on a light....blah blah blah. It makes me laugh because they never sleep well regardless and they also get up to go to the toilet in the night multiple times but seem to be under the illusion that they don't make any noise when they do this.

Tell him to go to the Dr for something to help him sleep and that he is being unreasonable.

I don’t sleep well and get disturbed if my partner is out. But I wouldn’t give him a curfew or tell him he couldn’t go. Sleep issues are my problem anyway!

Also half one is late on a Thursday night especially if he has work on Friday
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Ive work some weekends and I’ve always told my partner if he goes out the night before my work then he sleeps in the spare room and is very quiet! I work long busy shifts and little sleep is hard work. I still wouldn’t stop him though and he would be home by midnight anyway.

I am very precious about my sleep, for mental health for one thing, however I would not stop my partner having fun, having said that if it was 1.30am alot, that would be annoying

Does he have an issue if you are staying over & away for the night?

Does he tell you what to do in respect of other things?

That'd give me the ick. It's like he's your dad not your boyfriend. Very controlling.

If you want to live a single life, and not have to consider someone else, just be single.

Depends on what you're doing and if you're intoxicated when you come in.
Slip quietly into bed, all OK. Clattering in and wanting to chat about your night, not OK!

Is that to the OP or the boyfriend?

Going out with a friend is not living a single life

Note: he has no safety concerns for me - this is 100% about me disturbing his sleep.

It's not about his sleep, it's about him not wanting you to stay out late.

Is it always on a "work night". That's the bit that would get me... a fellow light sleeper. Weekend, fine I can catch up.

Would stay at friends house or sleep on sofa. (My - considerate - husband did this in his late night era... I'm a lark, hes an owl)... or have some conversations and take some decisions on the future if you are planning on having children together.

I’m a terrible sleeper and my DP is more outgoing than me, if someone woke me up at 1:30 am I wouldn’t get back to sleep for hours.
I don’t set a curfew for my DP as I’m not a dick but I do ask that he sleeps in the other room if he’s getting in past about midnight

So his beef is that you wake him up..... but actually he was awake before you even got home?

Yeah, he's a controlling twat.

Assume you live together and he doesn't have his own place where he could stay?
Also, does he have work today?

What??

Massive red flags here!
This isn’t about sleep…

It’s funny that all the comments are on the controlling angle, but there was a similar post recently and it was the woman complaining about being a light sleeper and her husband waking her and obviously in that scenario he was the dick who needed to be more considerate!

I cannot imagine your namesake putting up with this. Be more Lisa and tell him to fuck off.

What are you struggling with?

Do you not have friends?

Going out with a friend or friends is not living the single life.

It depends on the situation. If u have kids then it alters things . Op should be considerate but should not be told when to be home.

I’m in the exact same position OP! Except partner has to get up at 5ish for work so I really do feel guilty and have just had to stop going out past about 10.30.

I don’t know whether that’s ok or not… what do others think?