Is this weird to you?

[Nobodyyou]

Genuine question. Do you think it's weird or inappropriate for a godfather to ask to the personal care of two young children (nappy wearing age - under two years of age)
Godfather non blood related and is a family friend. When visiting asks to change nappies and bath children.
I think it's not right interested in mumsnet views please

Depends:

Walking through the door: "Hi, I've come to see you, can I change a nappy?" Weird.

Playing with the child and stopping: "Pooh! I think he's dirty, would you like me to change him?" Helpful.

I'm not particularly keen on changing nappies, but I've offered when round at a friends and they're busy because I want to be genuinely helpful and not just do the fun playing with the child and hand them over to be changed. Some parents like the break, some definitely don't want anyone else doing it. Neither's right, and I'll go with whatever they want.

Some parents have very poor judgement.

If I asked someone to be godfather to my children, it would be because I trust them with the care of my children.

I'm a woman but I've al Amy's offered (usually family) to change babies/take toddlers to the toilet as I know how monotonous it becomes as a parent so want to give the parent a break. My god children my siblings child, but I would offer the same 'service' to non related god children.

There's no way on earth that my DP would consider letting one of his friends bath our baby. He would think even asking would be weird. It's just not something that you do.

I honestly don't think this has an innocent explanation. My DP always runs away when the baby needs changing. Can't get away quick enough.

I'm genuinely flabbergasted about this. For all the people saying it could be genuine etc no I'm sorry, I disagree.

Its weird.

I can’t imagine any of the men in my children’s lives (other than my DH) ever offering to change a nappy or bath them, not my Dad, brother in laws, close male friends- all of whom I trust and who are in other ways very involved in the lives of my DC. If I asked in an emergency I’m sure they would but I suspect they’d rather not. Aside from anything else, most men understand how it could appear, and would set this boundary as much to protect themselves as anything else. So whilst it could be innocent of course, and he could simply want to help them out, I do find this a potential cause for concern yes, especially in light of you saying you don’t entirely have faith in the parents’ judgement.

OP, I really don't feel there is an innocent reason for him wanting to see the children naked.

However I may be biased as my mother used to let my abuser come in the bathroom to watch me so that I didn't drown whilst I was in the bath.

He used that time to sexually abuse me.

I don't have kids, and never have I willingly offered to change a friends child nappy or bathe their children. Why would I want to?

The fact that this man is actually asking to do these things is very very wrong.

I don't care if he hasn't actually abused these children yet, I'd bet money on the fact that he will when they reach whatever age he's attracted to, if they haven't already.

No one, male or female should actively want to see other people's children naked unless it's a part of their job.

I do my nieces bathtime when I visit. They're six and two. I do change the two year old too and always have done. Six year old loves me doing bathtime, I grab her up and pretend I'm going to dunk her head in, she shrieks with laughter. It's just fun, I didn't have any kids of my own at the time, it was just a taste of the fun side of parenting.

So it’s none of your business.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Sending you lots of love and hugs. I hear what you're saying loud and clear and feel exactly the same way.

Only imagine a paedophile saying this.
Of course it's my business if I think children are at risk. Get off my thread.

The possible abuse of a child is everyone's business

Are u uncle or aunt?

Just what I wanted to ask.

Can they really see nothing odd about this? I know several people who were sexually abused as children, by people known to the family. Disgusting monters. You must be so careful.

Good advice thank you

No they genuinely think its great! I am gobsmacked. There a variety of things that they have revealed which have shocked me and make me concerned about their ability to make sound judgements. Writing this out I am going to make a referral. This has helped clarify it for me. I'm not being over sensitive or weird in thinking it's off. My gut is screaming it's wrong!!!

Not automatically weird no, it would totally depend on context and as another poster said depend if he’s involved in other aspects of their care

Some people here are massively misunderstanding. You as a woman, and usually a mother yourself, changing/ bathing a friend’s or relative’s children is entirely different to an unrelated, childless man not only doing it, but ASKING to. Every time he visits, not occasionally. The vast majority of sex offenders are male. Very few are female. Sex offenders take every possible opportunity to get access to their victims. And they groom victims. In this particular case, the children are becoming accustomed at a very young age to this man being alone with them when they are naked, and touching them. That sets them up to find it normal for him to do the same when they’re 4, or 8 or 12. And nice godfather never comes under suspicion.

Yes, he might be just an innocent but extremely unusual man who likes to help. But the possible consequences are not worth the risk of assuming that.

Thank you @Nobodyyou for your kind thoughts. I continue to despair at how naïve some people are.

So a peadophille would only offer to do the bath and never play or have fun with the child(ren)?

Taking the children out, having fun, building relationship and doing 'normal things' is also part of the mo of peados.

See people are really clueless

This thread has been helpful and confirmed my thoughts! Thanks y'all!!

It doesn't matter if its an uncle or aunt just to answer your question to @Notanotherwindow
The concern is still the same

Eloquently written. I hope it opens people's eyes, who perhaps hadn't considered some of the points you raised.

Thanks for joining in on my thread, I appreciate it. 🙏 💜 💐

I didn't say it mattered. Peadophilles are both male and female. However stats would suggest it is mostly likely to be a male than a female.

Well no but it does depend on context. You’re someone who has never seen this man with the children but are thinking of reporting it to social services. I find that odd to be honest

I have never seen him in their house. I have met him twice with the Children.

You are making up things and jumping to conclusions. Thanks for sharing your view though.

It alarms me how many people can’t see the problem? Why would he volunteer to change nappies and bathe children when he’s not related to turn or looking after them on his own - their parents are right there. Nappies aren’t pleasant. Why is he volunteering every time?

Get off my thread

Thanks for joining in on my thread

I'm not sure it really works like that. You will get differing opinions whether you like it or not, especially in AIBU.