Is this weird to you?

[Nobodyyou]

Genuine question. Do you think it's weird or inappropriate for a godfather to ask to the personal care of two young children (nappy wearing age - under two years of age)
Godfather non blood related and is a family friend. When visiting asks to change nappies and bath children.
I think it's not right interested in mumsnet views please

@Nobodyyou

"So not weird that the parents don't ask him to personal care (nappies bath) but he will ask to do it every time he visits?"

Parents often don't ask people to do this sort of thing imo, people often offer - I've offered to do this for friends, my DH has too.

You clearly don't trust him, or the parents. I'm not sure what else I can say, I don't think it's weird but you definitely do - what outcome do you want? Are you going to report it? Tell the parents to stop? Just trying to figure out your POV.

Yes they do.

Interested if my thoughts are shared by the majority or not. I may possibly report as a safeguarding concern if it seems majority think its a concern as I do.

I’ve spoken on here before about being raped when I was very little by a distant male relative. There were other dodgy events involving a different distant male relative. I see all the time here on MN that some parents are very trusting and naïve about people’s intentions towards their children. They really shouldn’t be. The safety of a child is much more important than the wishes of a relative or godparent or anyone else, or the feeling that they don’t want to “offend” anyone.

I'm a parent, I would never offer another parent to change their child's nappy or bath their child. I have never had anyone offer this to me either. So we obviously are poles apart on this matter. Interested in people's views though thanks for sharing yours.

This is heartbreaking to read. I am so sorry this happened to you. Sending you a massive hug and love and strength.

I agree with all you have written here. I share your views.

Thank you. The person involved got away with it. It has affected my whole life, and I really hate situations that could possibly lead to this happening to another child. In professional situations we have safeguarding policies and training etc, but in the home it’s all down to the parents.

I think it would be odd anyone offering, sorry if I've missed it but have you spoken to the parents ?

Quite often sexual abuse occurs at home and by a trust member of the family or trusted friend. Some parents cannot be left to make judgment calls and I don't trust this particular family and their ability to make a sound judgement.

I am heartbroken and angry on your behalf that this has happened to you and that it (understandly) still affects you. I will say a little prayer for you tonight. I really hope you heal from this trauma. Love to you.

Not yet no.

If I was at a friend's house and the parents were cooking and the children needed a bath and pitting to bed I would offer to finish dinner and let the parents sort their children. Not the other way around. Weird why anybody would volunteer to clean up poo or wash a child that isn't theirs. Also most children prefer their parents to put them to bed when given an option of mum and dad or family friend no?!

The thing that strikes me as odd here is you.

You're close enough that you're there for the entirety of each time this man visits, but you don't trust the parents (it sounds like you don't like them actually) and you're concerned enough that you are going to report them to goodness knows who as a safeguarding risk, but you haven't actually said anything to the parents. You're worried about abuse but you never say "oh I'll change the baby" either.

My own parents didn't meet my son until he was nearly 2 because we live abroad and he was a covid baby. He's their only grandchild and they love him dearly.

Neither offered to change a diaper the week we were there, although periodically they'd wave to him on the potty. My mom did a bath the last night we were there- I sent her in, she didn't ask, although they had fun.

I wouldn't have been bothered if they did those things- they are my parents. But even they were quite happy to let me do them. I'd say the people that love DS: parents, my best friend since childhood, DP's sister only ones who we'd trust- and none of them have ever offered.

I'd find it very weird, but then I also found MIL very weird in the same way - she had an absolute mania about wanting to change DD's nappy and we always said no. And I must admit that, whatever I think of MIL, I am 100% sure there was nothing dodgy about it. Annoying, though.

I'm not there when he visits. The parents talk to me in great detail which is why I happen to have this information.
You are right I am concerned about abuse and their ability to make sound judgment calls. There's a few things actually.

I can't really reveal much about the nature of our relationship as it would be quite outing.

If people appear.to be in agreement with me I will confidently make a safeguarding referral.

Very weird. I'd be freaked out by this. Never heard of single man volunteering to do something like this ever.

Agreed.

Most sexual abuse occurs at home and by a trusted member of the family or trusted friend. So just because the family trusts him does this mean other people don't have the right to be concerned.
Some people are really naive, some people can be groomed by other adults to gain access to their children, some people are plain stupid

I don't think that the fact this adult is trusted by these parents necessarily means that he isn't doing something wrong. However he may well be innocent and just very helpful.
Trying to establish is my thinking on the matter is shared by most or not.
I understand should I make a referral then the relevant agencies would ultimately be the ones to decide whether this is normal and acceptable or something sinister.

@Nobodyyou

I think we've already agreed we have different opinions on this particular situation above (obviously mine is based on my personal life, yours is based on the situation you're in) - I would say though if you're genuinely concerned, then it shouldn't be a matter of what a majority vote on a poll on a website says, you should do something about it.

Appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me

I don’t think it is necessarily weird, but nor is it clearly innocent. The parents need to use their own judgment to safeguard their own children.

Safeguarding is everyone's business so the slogan goes.

Surely you can appreciate not everybody can or does make sound judgement calls?

Sounds like a weirdo, potential nonce.

This is my fear.

Eh ? Sit on the fence and see what happens ?
The only thing I can suggest-to give you some weight if you decide to speak to them is ring the NSPCC
I'm absolutely with you that it's odd,GF or not