To think being a young mum isn't all that bad?

[Peedoffo]

I had my DD young , I had just turned 20 9 years down the line and life is very good. Still with my DH. I was told that I had ruined my life by a few people. Own our own home very healthy income. The only negative I'd say is I've had to build a career juggling a child. Completing university and masters degree I only have 1 DC because of this juggling would have liked 2 with a smaller age gap but hey ho. It hasn't been world ending I have taken DD on numerous trips she's been to Australia , Singapore , USA and all over.

I'm just wondering where any young mums feel the same ? Things have fallen into place very well.

Maybe I didn't want to go clubbing ? I actually get sensory overload so I've never been bothered about that. I actually made this post about other young mums to ask whether they agree they were happy. The vast majority have said yes.

Yes my DF has a MC job he's WC but most people from MC backgrounds don't have kids young even if they have family support or help with deposit. I do work I have done since DD was 2. I'm saying it doesn't have to be doom and gloom if you try hard and work towards a career.
We don't get any handouts our house is ours we purely stayed with a relative for a few months until our house was ready. I'm lucky as in my family valued education and work but no I haven't received a penny from my DF or babysitting. My DM was an absent mother so no help there.

I would really like to hear more inputs from kids who have been raised by teen parents.

My Mum had me at 20 (Dad was older though). I had a great upbringing and I’m very close to my Mum, we spend a lot of time together.

I would have made a terrible young mum. Would have resented staying in. I just wanted to go clubbing, travel and visit music festivals in my 20s Everyone's different though.

I have been doing all this since my mid 30s when my children were teens. Now I’m 48 (have dropped the clubbing) and DD comes with us to pub gigs, festivals and she still likes to holiday with us.

I was 21 when my son was born, 33 when I graduated. I’m very happy to have done it that way round. I did my travelling in my late 30s/40s without having stay in grotty hostels. There’s no right way to do it but I’m very pleased not to have felt the pressure of an ever louder ticking biological click.

I have been doing all this since my mid 30s when my children were teens. Now I’m 48 (have dropped the clubbing) and DD comes with us to pub gigs, festivals and she still likes to holiday with us

^^ I'm in my 30s now and love staying in. my 20s we're a blast I wouldn't change them
For a thing. Now it's all afternoon tea, the odd boozy brunch, cheese boards, girly weekends and health related activities. Hopefully I'll get a second wind in my 40s

But there’s no point saying ‘young mums are bad for kids’ or ‘old mums are bad for kids.’ My mum was young when she had my older siblings, older when she had me, and struggled at both times. I had my older kids as a teen and have done well. It’s about the individual person - it sounds like op and her DH have done/are doing very well. Other young mums will struggle.

Obviously the ideal is to be financially stable and in a good place yourself before starting a family, but there is absolutely no point making sweeping generalisations about whether young mums are good or bad, because it’s impossible to say.

Yep. If you walked into my house or looked at my LinkedIn page, you'd have no idea I'm in my early 20s with 2 dc and a partner. In no way can anyone generalise based on age alone.

I also find those people who feel the need to prove how much fun their life is to others a bit odd. You wouldn't do that to an infertile person, mature parent or childfree person

It's as mixed a bag as any. Being a young parent, I get other people approach me and tell me they had theirs long too. I'm surprised every time. The young parents (and former young parents) I have met are all normal people, don't know anybody who's destitute or depressed about it. Have normal jobs. Quite a few work in healthcare.

I was a young Mum, had my first at 20, my second a couple of years later and then a third later in my 20s.

Whilst I have loved being a young mum, like many others on this thread it is not something I would recommend, and if one of my kids had children while as young as I was I would feel sad at what they would miss out on.

The early years were a struggle, we had no financial help. My husband was working one full time and one part time job, I was working three part time jobs and taking in ironing. I look back at photos and it’s obvious we were poor. I used to lay awake at night worrying about how to pay the bills. As we got older, my husbands career developed and his earning potential grew. I waited until our youngest was at preschool and completed an access course, followed by a degree and then a postgrad, and now have a good career of my own. We now own our own home and live comfortably, but this has been a long time coming and took a lot of graft from both of us.

I appreciate those that say they have no regrets, as how could you ever regret your children whom you love so much? But I do very much regret missing out on formative experiences such as independent living and travel, university when I didn’t have to rush off to collect the kids from after school clubs etc.
For a long time I drifted from my friends who just had no comprehension of what I was going through, they’d text at 8pm on a Friday asking if I wanted to meet them at the pub, no chance! We’re close again now but a lot of them are now new mums so we’ve missed our chance for wild holidays etc together.

I know I am one of the lucky ones, I have a fantastic partner and we’ve weathered the storms together, and now life is calmer we can hopefully start to relax!

Its not a generalisation though, people have shared there actually life based upon many factors.

I didn't say you should of gone clubbing what I am saying is you tone and attitude seems to have an answer for EVERYTHING. Not everything is about money if you read my post you will see that I stated other factors also.

You also only have one child so again your life is different you didn't seem to go on to have another. Perhaps it's the background you have come from that's all I'm saying.

I'm not sure you paid attention to my posts because you seem to me making this about money for some odd reason?

You have been lucky and like I first stated your experience isn't the average. I'm glad your happy!

Its luck that's got you where you are and your background. Lots and lots of people "work hard"

Its not a generalisation though, people have shared there actually life based upon many factors.

Er, yes. It is. Others have also shared life experience to the contrary, that their life is happy, they had a nice childhood as the child of younger parents etc. It's a mixed bag.

So any sweeping statement is therefore - a generalisation. It's only 'not a generalisation' when it's going the way you want.

@CrankiBobs what are you talking about? I was a young mum myself, so was my own mother.

So why are you arguing with people if that is really true? Bizarre.

Bearing in mind, I didn't say anything remotely contentious or even addressed to you- all o said was can we not condemn young parents and generalise- and you replied to me on the back of that. Right.

That should be what you want too unless you support generalisations! And I don't know why an actual younger mum would want that

@CrankiBobs I'm not sure you have read all my posts on this thread have you? I am not arguing with you. I do not want to clogg up OPS thread. But if you read back on the thread before you start assuming and jumping the gun getting on the defence.

I said what I said. Its a fact about younger mums please research it I have not said that being a young mum makes you any less of course not however I really feel you have misunderstood totally where I am coming from here.

So what are you saying because I am a young mum I have to agree with you and OP? I think that too is "bizarre" so respectfully I will agree to disagree.

Had my first child at 16, still went to college and later uni. Still moved to london for a job (with son in tow) and now nearly 30yrs later my son’s my best friend and we love travelling together. I earn 60k a year with plan for further promotions hopefully in the next few years. Not bad for someone who ruined their life is it?!