To think cheaters usually just get on happily with their lives?

[Thisisthebeginning]

When I was younger I used to always think, 'karma will get them', 'they'll really regret it' 'they'll lose a lot of respect from people' and so on.

Now with age, it's pretty clear that people who cheat usually just get on happily with their lives, most people accept the new couple, don't fall out, the couple often stay happily together, and life goes on as normal for them.

I remember when my ex cheated a few years back. His 2 good mates were pissed off at him for a while and actually supported me over him. Eventually I didn't hear from them again and they ended up becoming close friends with his new girlfriend, the woman he'd cheated with. I expected it really and knew their loyalties had lied with him.

I still think it's disgusting to cheat.

I think the fact that you still hold such a massive grudge against a boyfriend of 25 years ago and refer to his partner of 25 years as his bit on the side says more about you than him to be honest. Unless he's the father of your children - and even then, it's been 25 years! - I find your attitude bizarre. Would you have preferred he stayed unhappily with you for the rest of his life even if he fell in love with someone else? I doubt they think of how they got together much at all.

Statistically, very few couples who get together through cheating actually stay together. Like PPs, it’s also impossible to tell if someone is genuinely happy from the outside. Many people cheat; some feel zero remorse, some spend years afterwards making amends and feeling the shame of what they’ve done. The latter don’t generally talk about it, so it’s easy to think everyone falls into the first camp.

You sound deeply unpleasant

My husband's friend cheated on his fiance/mother of his child with another woman who worked with them both.

He's been with the OW ever since, but has attempted to get back with his ex more than once. He had a child with the OW, who actively hates him for being involved with his first child, but stays with him because of their kid.

So some of them do have miserable consequences.

His ex is doing brilliantly BTW.

I am when I'm fucked over and left homeless.
It was great fun to be honest.
I have zero regrets, I'm wonderfully happy now, at the time I was close to suicidal. He got what he deserved.

Quite a few of the cheaters I've seen (including my ex) have had breakdowns/depression/suicidal etc after the affair has come out, have swung back and forth trying to make it work with OW, begging to bet back with the wife etc etc. Desperately tried to justify their actions by playing the victim. My ex went through all this and now someone else I know is doing the same. I'm not sure how much is real and how much is "shit, I've been caught, better muddy the waters and try and look less of a wanker by making it all look like a breakdown". Definitely didn't look like happiness either way though!

My ex kept calling his affair our "communication difficulties". He has finally settled with the OW and they're no longer on/off (probably happened about 6/7 years after we split so they'd been together maybe 9 years by then!) and they seem happy. Helped a bit by lockdown I think. Tbh, I'm relieved. So much easier for me without ex being mentally all over the place and it's nicer for DS that his Dad is settled and happy.

Good things happen to bad people.
Bad things happen to good people.

People who believe karma will punish people are delusional.

Just remember the best revenge is a life well lived,

I'd wager that most cheaters aren't sitting wallowing in a pit of their own despair as many would like you to believe. Sure, believe that if it makes you feel better but I don't think it's true at all.

I know someone who cheated with someone who I actually think was the love of his life.

Ow wouldn't leave her husband. His wife found out and divorced him. His oldest child wanted nothing to do with him. He later asked his ex-wife to try again but she said no. He died in his 50s.

I wouldn't say that karma caught up with him, and he later cheated on a girlfriend so it's not like he learned a lesson, but I still think it's a rather sad life.

I know another couple who got together when the man was married. He divorced and they married each other. They didn't cheat on each other but the marriage was a disaster and collapsed within less than five years.

If I has a friend who was cheating I'd find it really hard to trust them.

My ex could win a prize for making our breakup like a bad Victorian melodrama. People tend to tell me they've seen him or show me socials of what they are up to sadly. I got sent a picture of them all insta perfect in a fancy London restaurant and I felt so sad. I could see he was displaying signals that meant she was in big trouble. His hand was made into a fist pointing towards her and he just had that look. I thought she looked really unhappy. It's funny the old saying be careful what you wish for. As she coveted my old life and got her wish. Trouble for her was my life then was shit.

I agree, and I find it so odd that people don't seem to care about this aspect of a person's character.

You mention Matt Hancock, I can't tell you how much seeing him on IACGMOOH . I just keep thinking of his ex wife and his children. They must be so sickened by his callous self marketing and rebranding as a nice guy being played out in front of the eyes of the nation. He has the empathy of a sewer rat clearly.

I was dumped for another woman and 25 years on it still hurts. I've got on with my life, I've had a good life but if I see him or her, my adrenaline courses and I am overwhelmed with hatred and rage. It doesn't last long, once out of sight again I'm ok. But the damage they did to my family, and their joint children is immeasurable yet there are no consequences.

I was told my anger and pain was irrational when I found out out, but their feelings were ok because lurve. Ffs, they were wrecking lives.

I feel for Matt Hancock's teen children too
It must be mortifying for him and his ex

I also wouldn’t ditch a friend just because they’d cheated on their partner, I don’t see it as relevant to me.

Unless the person she was cheating with was YOUR partner I suppose.

The people who get together by cheating can rarely trust each other. They've seen the lies and deception in each other

I don’t agree. Everybody is capable of lying and deceiving, about anything, not just relationships. Trust isn’t just built on whether someone is capable of lying, because everyone is, and often do.

I know of a few strong marriages that started as affairs. The idea of karma is naive. People say it to make the wronged person feel better.

Yes, I agree with all of this. I know of many solid, long term relationships that had crossovers at the start.

It’s better just to move on and not give cheaters any headspace. They’re not giving any to you.

100% what @ThreeblackCats said. There is no karma or "deserve". In a general way nice people will have nice friends and people who look out for them and vice versa but only in a very general sense. Terry Pratchett saud "there is no 'what should happen' there's just what happens, and what you do about it".

Hmm not so sure. A relative cheated on her husband (no kids). They had quite a few couple friends (met at uni) and most stayed friendly with him & drifted away from her.

That said, she had and made other friends and moved on without difficulty.

Well obviously in that instance the cheating on their own partner wouldn’t be what I was ditching them for.

Karma isn’t real, it’s a really immature outlook.

”Cheaters” are not one type or class of people but millions of different individuals with different circumstances, motivations and outcomes. For every person who has cheated who has gone on to have a lovely life with a new partner I’m sure you could identify another where the grass wasn’t greener and they ended up unhappy. What does make and keep people unhappy is holding on to bitterness or a victim mentality.

Many cheaters never forgive themselves.
The guilt can be all consuming.

The majority of cheaters I've met do not believe they are doing anything wrong

It's their exs fault, the new person is their soul mate, they didn't know what love was until they met each other .
The reality is they are weak.

If people could simply be honest about a relationship, if you're eyes start wandering do not blame the other person to justify your cheating.
Work on saving or leaving the relationship if it can't be saved

Only then can you consider a new partner... except of course these people won't because they are weak - they need to feel adored and special and god forbid they might need to spend some time alone.

They don't need karma they need pity for being so pathetic

How many times I've heard the excuse, ,"We've been unhappy for a while". I can almost guarantee the other party has no idea they were in this so-called 'unhappy' relationship.

My best friend cheated on her DH with a married bloke. They broke up two families to get together.
they are happy together now with their own little family.
i dont agree with what they did at all, but shes my best friend and i live her and she has my support no matter what. It would never occur to me to shun her because she did something i dont agree with 🤷🏻‍♀️

But what is the answer if the other person was unhappy? If they did it by the book - realised they might want other things, split up with their partner, then got together with someone else - would their ex be any happier this way? Ultimate end is the same.

There are many shades of grey in life, which is way so many normal people end up in this situation.

The only thing you can do is live your life according to your own principles or morals or whatever you want to call it and accept that other people's differ from yours.

There's no such thing as karma, and wishing for something bad to happen to people who cheat / lie etc will just take up more of your headspace than they deserve.