Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kids still feeling the effects of lockdowns…

910 replies

sloanedanger · 23/11/2022 20:27

I just got caught reading a really interesting thread on Twitter started by a teacher:

“Is anyone else thinking we are starting to see the impact of 2 years of disruption and time at home, due to COVID 19, in schools? Extreme behaviours? Some pupils very emotional and struggling to regulate? Low attendance compared to normal? Winter bugs hitting hard?”

A lot of the comments say Y3 is the worst, others saying Years 7 and 8.

My DS is in Year 2 and often struggles with emotions and self regulation at school. It’s made me think, perhaps there’s a reason why linked to the pandemic. Lockdown was hard, DP and I were home with very young DC, trying to work, poor mental health, emotions high. Very little patience.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
EndlessRain · 24/11/2022 08:45

Of course.

In "normal" times the government can tell us enough how important consistent and regular attendance is to children and their education. Taking many out of eduation, and all social interaction, for pretty much a year will of course have a serious detrimental impact in of itself. Especially in crucial years. That's without even factoring in the impact of being in homes where the home situation isn't ideal, or the social impact of being isolated in years where social interaction is key.

I was lucky my kids are, relatively, young in this respect. DS was in preschool so fine, and DD enjyed the YR and Y1 exception so could go back early. I also put her into key worker provision during the second lockdown.

Delatron · 24/11/2022 08:48

All children are different too. Unlike many on here I don’t credit my wonderful parenting with the fact that mine were ok during lockdown. My eldest is dyslexic so he finds school tiring. He also likes his own company.
Other children love school, their teachers, socialising. This is all taken away and a parent can’t replicate all those things as said above.

The stories on here about children struggling are so upsetting- it’s all ages. Teenagers don’t want to hang out with their parents! They want their friends. They want to get out of the house. They want their sports teams.

I can’t believe some of the I’m alright Jack attitudes on here but it doesn’t surprise me.

PorridgewithQuark · 24/11/2022 08:50

RedToothBrush · 24/11/2022 08:31

There is definitely an element of 'never told no kids' going on.

Yr3 were in reception when the first lockdown happened. I know most of the kids from nursery and that first term as I helped out a lot.

I could tell you the kids who had parents who didn't say no even back then. And they are the ones that are having most problems now.

I don't think you can dismiss the idea that lack of parenting, and the gap that school provide in that, isn't relevant because it is massively. As is parental attitude to lockdown and how the kids picked up on it.

Its also not about only children having a worse time. DS is an only and was absolutely fine with lockdowns. We could have sent him back to school in the June but he was doing fine and the uncertainty of things meant we decided to slog it out til the September. I think about mid Aug he started to get grumpy but thats about it.

As a family lockdown didn't really bother us at all though. We had regular zooms and living in a small community you could not walk to the shops without bumping into someone. We would have conversations across the road fairly regularly.

When things normalised last years we were frustrated by school as they had a teacher who went on maternity and then they had a newly qualified teacher as cover. She was lovely but fucking useless. We felt throughout last year she basically ignored DS and because he was one of the few doing well and behaving, she dumped the kid (who ht thinks has too many issues to be in mainstream education) on him. And thats when we've started to have issues.

DS's own needs were completely missed (we had always thought he was likely to have them because of a family history) and he was used by the teacher as a means to deal with the class because she wasn't coping.

That makes me really fucking angry. It's definitely the knock on effects rather than the direct effects that are impacting us now.

Its the behaviour of other children that's problematic. DS has largely been caught in the middle of it all and has a mature attitude to some of it but is also utterly bewildered by the behaviour of some of the other kids too.

We've been told by school that yes he spent last year 'coasting' which is what we had suspected but hadn't said because we thought it was fruitless to raise with previous teacher. It's frustrating in the extreme.

New teacher this year is having to not only deal with poor behaviour of other kids but also the mess the previous teacher created.

We had to tell new teacher about a number of issues with another child, including stuff he's said that firmly raise red flags. And she's now trying to deal with that and the mess of the previous teacher.

As part of that we've had to point out that DS got put in a position dealing with other children's behaviour that the adults in the room couldn't cope with and how they struggled to deal with. New teacher has completely agreed.

So i think SEN kids ended up behind and not diagnosed and lost out a lot and there were a bunch of kids who just weren't parented. Then there were more kids who were fine than this thread acknowledges. But of this last group I do believe many were subsequently thrown under the bus by the lack of adequate support given to schools to cope with the former two groups. I think a lot of anxiety in kids now is actually more likely the product of being exposed to the extreme behaviour of a minority of kids post lockdown and not actually lockdown itself.

DS is doing OK. We have to catch up on the damage from last year, and work out a way to manage his ADHD needs without support from school as he's low priority and we can't end go private without cooperation from school. He's socially and academically fine but is going to have problems further down the line.

I think its complex - it's not simply lockdown and isolation that's the issue. Parenting definitely is a factor and I think teaching being over whelmed is another. Then there is the lack of support for those who need. It's the needs NOW not being met which are as damaging as the previous 3 years though which I think is being massively overlooked though.

If your kids is 'ok' then they are going to get ignored because of all the other drama going on. And i think eventually a fair number of the 'okay children' will suffer too because no one has got time to even notice them.

This all rings true. I'm sure your son will get the support he needs because you're proactive about it, but I'm sorry he's having to act as a buffer for other people's lack of parenting and the hopeless teacher (who shouldn't have been left to her own devices if she was an NQT to be fair).

Dinoteeth · 24/11/2022 08:51

Am I right in thinking England didn't close nurseries during the second lockdown Jan-Mar 21?
Scotland did which was brutal - really brutal - my LO barely saw daylight as DH and I were working, struggling to get DS1 to engage with school but couldn't afford for him to fall behind.
DS was out to play as soon as school was finished but wasn't really old enough to take responsibility for LO.
It was dark by the time we'd finished work.

PorridgewithQuark · 24/11/2022 08:53

Delatron · 24/11/2022 08:48

All children are different too. Unlike many on here I don’t credit my wonderful parenting with the fact that mine were ok during lockdown. My eldest is dyslexic so he finds school tiring. He also likes his own company.
Other children love school, their teachers, socialising. This is all taken away and a parent can’t replicate all those things as said above.

The stories on here about children struggling are so upsetting- it’s all ages. Teenagers don’t want to hang out with their parents! They want their friends. They want to get out of the house. They want their sports teams.

I can’t believe some of the I’m alright Jack attitudes on here but it doesn’t surprise me.

It's not wonderful parenting that was needed, just average parenting. Has everyone forgotten how many very privileged, comfortable parents declared from day one, before they'd even tried, that homeschooling wasn't their job and they weren't going to do it or make their children do it?

ShirleyValentin3 · 24/11/2022 08:55

GuyFawkesDay · 24/11/2022 07:58

Don't forget the impact on the adults in schools.

We switched to online learning overnight. I learned how to use Google classroom and zoom and worked tirelessly making online lessons. I came into school to cover keyworked and vulnerable students in school. I drove the minibus around delivering school lunch food parcels to vulnerable families.

I also had to home school my own children and deal with the same traumas everyone else did.

Long term there's been no allowance for the fact teachers also worked through the pandemic, nobody clapped for us, in face we got roundly dismissed as being rubbish despite the fact we were given no notice for the many tier changes, lockdowns etc and had to just adapt at the drop of a hat.

We are now dealing with the fallout of kids who are behind socially and academically and yet expected to "catch them up" as if we can make up those years whilst still doing everything else in school "as normal".

And now we have a recruitment and retention crisis in schools. It's a Sisyphean task.

Absolutely this.

The whole thing was a shit show and continues to wreak havoc on my kids. DD (yr9) suffered the brunt. No transition to be 'top dog' in year 6, or the 'small fish' in year 7. Basically jumping from year 5, to year 8.

Socially inadequate (even for a teenager), significant MH issues, poor resilience, etc. MH services poor or non existent to support her, due to overwhelming need for them.

According to a teacher friend, atrocious year 9 behaviour is a nationwide issue.

JenniferBarkley · 24/11/2022 08:56

AntlerRose · 24/11/2022 08:45

The other issue i think people are underestimating is when schools went back properly, so the academic year 2021-2022 was a full year, they were far from normal because there was still lots of kids off with covid and teachers off.
It was obviously hugely better than being at home as there was still lots of socialising, particularly outside of school. But in terms of education it was crap. There was no continuity. My son had so many cover lessons where teachers were ill. And at any given point several of his class were off so getting the class to progress was a nightmare. Plus all that testing and worrying you wil be stuck in and miss something. I dont think people realise the education challenges of that time as we were all just so relieved they were in school.

Absolutely.

And that was in a post Omicron, post vaccine world. I think some people are guilty of forgetting that if schools had remained open they certainly wouldn't have been able to function normally, if at all.

Legallypinkish · 24/11/2022 08:57

My DD who already struggled at school failed most of her GCSE’s. Now first year of college retaking maths. That means she can’t take the subjects she’s actually really good at and enjoys because it doesn’t fit in with the timetable. This year is a washout for her and the maths class she is in has such a wide variety of abilities with some of the kids who can barely add up in with those that just need a little more time, my daughter being somewhere in the middle of those two groups. I think she might just have passed if it wasn’t for the lockdowns. The online learning just didn’t work for some kids who need an actual person to sit and explain things.

Dinoteeth · 24/11/2022 08:59

I don't know any parents who said Home school wasn't their job.
But I know 3 into 1 doesn't go.
Trying to concentrate on your job
Looking after preschoolers
And teaching school children
All at the same time doesn't work.

Could you imagine before lockdown taking a preschooler to work with you. He'll be fine in the corner with crayons. You'd have been shown the door.

EndlessRain · 24/11/2022 09:00

This whole thread makes me angry. All the rhetoric at the time, "kids are resillient", the go out and you kill your granny advert, the whole thing. There's an entire generation of kids who will have real long term consequences as a result of this, but because "kids will be fine" (like they were in the war, apparently) noone can raise it without apparently wishing lots of people died of covid instead. Same on the MH thread. People dying of covid is not the only negative consequence of this pandemic.

bookworm14 · 24/11/2022 09:01

Has everyone forgotten how many very privileged, comfortable parents declared from day one, before they'd even tried, that homeschooling wasn't their job and they weren't going to do it or make their children do it?

I don’t remember anyone on MN saying this. I do remember multiple posts from people desperately worried that they couldn’t properly supervise their kids’ online learning because they themselves had to work full-time, or people watching their kids become less and less engaged with the work despite their own best efforts.

EndlessRain · 24/11/2022 09:04

Dinoteeth · 24/11/2022 08:59

I don't know any parents who said Home school wasn't their job.
But I know 3 into 1 doesn't go.
Trying to concentrate on your job
Looking after preschoolers
And teaching school children
All at the same time doesn't work.

Could you imagine before lockdown taking a preschooler to work with you. He'll be fine in the corner with crayons. You'd have been shown the door.

Home schooling wasn't my job. My actual job - that paid for our house and food - was my job. Except i was doing a really piss poor job of it as DH was going off to work (in an office) and I was left to (1) do my job (2) look after a 2 yr (3) home school (4) try get food! Our school was awful in their support too in the first lock down - a weekly package of sheets to do in the post, that was is. No calls, no zoom, no support, no guidance. Once in a while we would get an email with the additional "suggested" work we could do.

I was, literally, the closest I have ever been to a breakdown. I was not ok for ages afterwards. The home schooling (and the guilt associated with not doing it, because something's got to give and I prioritised our well being over shitty work sheets) was a huge factor in that.

1dayatatime · 24/11/2022 09:05

@GuyFawkesDay

"We are now dealing with the fallout of kids who are behind socially and academically and yet expected to "catch them up" as if we can make up those years whilst still doing everything else in school "as normal".

+++

And all without the necessary funding because as Liz Truss found out that there simply isn't any money left after £450 billion was spent on Covid measures.

I remember that at the time extra funding for education was promised and thinking it will never happen and once again non voting children and young people have been thrown under a bus in favour of the interests of the voting older generations.

JenniferBarkley · 24/11/2022 09:05

bookworm14 · 24/11/2022 09:01

Has everyone forgotten how many very privileged, comfortable parents declared from day one, before they'd even tried, that homeschooling wasn't their job and they weren't going to do it or make their children do it?

I don’t remember anyone on MN saying this. I do remember multiple posts from people desperately worried that they couldn’t properly supervise their kids’ online learning because they themselves had to work full-time, or people watching their kids become less and less engaged with the work despite their own best efforts.

I only remember seeing it right at the start, in March 2020 when we didn't know how long it was going to carry on. I think at that stage thinking a month or two of taking the eye off the educational ball wouldn't be the worst thing was an understandable view. (Mine weren't school aged.)

I didn't hear it at all once the grind truly set in. I saw parents on their knees struggling to cope with all of their demands, only to be told they were terrible parents on one thread and terrible employees on the next.

I have enormous sympathy for parents of school aged children and know many who have been fundamentally changed by the experience.

EdgeOfACoin · 24/11/2022 09:06

Oh you silly mummies.

All you had to do was buy your child a horse and take them to stay with relatives in Germany and everyone would have been fine! What is the fuss about?

🙄

1dayatatime · 24/11/2022 09:09

EndlessRain · 24/11/2022 09:00

This whole thread makes me angry. All the rhetoric at the time, "kids are resillient", the go out and you kill your granny advert, the whole thing. There's an entire generation of kids who will have real long term consequences as a result of this, but because "kids will be fine" (like they were in the war, apparently) noone can raise it without apparently wishing lots of people died of covid instead. Same on the MH thread. People dying of covid is not the only negative consequence of this pandemic.

Actually excess deaths now (from missed cancer diagnosis etc ) are higher than during the Covid period:

www.spectator.co.uk/article/why-are-excess-deaths-higher-now-than-during-covid/

Dinoteeth · 24/11/2022 09:10

EndlessRain · 24/11/2022 09:04

Home schooling wasn't my job. My actual job - that paid for our house and food - was my job. Except i was doing a really piss poor job of it as DH was going off to work (in an office) and I was left to (1) do my job (2) look after a 2 yr (3) home school (4) try get food! Our school was awful in their support too in the first lock down - a weekly package of sheets to do in the post, that was is. No calls, no zoom, no support, no guidance. Once in a while we would get an email with the additional "suggested" work we could do.

I was, literally, the closest I have ever been to a breakdown. I was not ok for ages afterwards. The home schooling (and the guilt associated with not doing it, because something's got to give and I prioritised our well being over shitty work sheets) was a huge factor in that.

Exactly as what I said 3 into 1 doesn't go!

AntlerRose · 24/11/2022 09:12

Can everyone feeling stressed and angry about this write to their MP about school funding and cahms funding.

Dinoteeth · 24/11/2022 09:14

@AntlerRose if I thought it would make a difference I would. Unfortunately today of all days first teachers strike since the 80s I just wish they'd pay the teachers a decent wage and get them back to work.

EndlessRain · 24/11/2022 09:15

Dinoteeth · 24/11/2022 09:10

Exactly as what I said 3 into 1 doesn't go!

Yes, sorry I was agreeing with you on that part.

I disagree that it's not ok to say "home schooling isn't my job" in those circumstances though. We all have responsibilities to our children in tough time, which takes into account education of course. But home schooling wasn't my job. My job was my job, and my role as a parent was keeping my children happy and lookin g after their wellbeing (and mine, given they were stuck in a house with me) and, only if it didn't compromise their happiness, my sanity and our financial stability, was home schooling anywhere near what I would describe as "my job".

Buzzinwithbez · 24/11/2022 09:17

Grimed · 24/11/2022 08:00

My children are home educated anyway. During lockdown I stopped all formal lesson, we played games, did art and crafts, watched lots of TV and never talked about COVID only to say that we were helping old people stay healthy. When they started getting lonely I started breaking the rules with like minded families. It's not COVID that has damaged the kids it's your response and school system.

Wow. What a very smug post from a fellow home educator.
It was shit for many families and children for all manner of reasons that have nothing to do with how an individual family handled it, nor the school system. It just was shit.

It sounds like your children were young enough to enjoy those things, that's lovely for you and them.

TempsPerdu · 24/11/2022 09:17

The many personal accounts on this thread are heartbreaking to read. Children’s social and developmental needs really were all but forgotten during the pandemic.

DD has recently started Reception. When we visited her school last week for a casual drop-in visit her class teacher described her as ‘extraordinary’, and the most well-adjusted, school ready child she has taught in the past two years. In my personal opinion, DD, while lovely and certainly above average ability wise, is by no means extraordinary. In a ‘normal’ school year there would be a big group of similarly mature, able, well prepared children - but by the admission of the school, this year and last these children are largely missing.

So many of DD’s peers have significant issues: undiagnosed special needs, having missed out on professional scrutiny and early intervention during lockdown; social anxiety and other emotional issues; speech delay; general immaturity (my daughter comes across as a good couple of years older than most of her peers).

As a former primary teacher, I recognised immediately that there were an unusual amount of challenges among this year’s cohort. I’m also a governor at the school, and this was confirmed at our most recent meeting - this year and last, the Early Years teachers are mainly fire-fighting and trying to unravel some of the damage that has been done by lockdowns, widespread professional abandonment of children and the lack of crucial early social connections. Now compounded my the lack of funding to support them, and an almost total lack of recognition by government that these problems even exist.

Why is DD so far ahead? Not because she’s innately superior in any way, but because of my professional background (I also have a Master’s in a subject allied to child development). I recognised exactly what the impact of covid measures on young people would be and was able to mitigate some of the damage. I’m currently a SAHM, so was able to bake with her, craft with her and provide her with the stimulation she needed. As a family we pushed the ‘guidelines’ to the absolute limit - I still took DD to shops and on public transport, ignoring the glares and muttered comments about ‘superspreaders’ that I got from many members of the public. We met up outside (and, by the final lockdown, inside) with a couple of like-minded families so DD could have social contact. We saw both sets of grandparents after the first month or so of lockdown. We were fairly relaxed about the virus from the outset, especially once the minimal threat to young children became clear, and have thankfully avoided passing on any hang-ups about germs and cleanliness (I’m aware of at least two of DD’s friends who are now terrified of medical procedures due to frequent traumatic PCR tests, or now have issues around frequent compulsive hand-washing).

The ‘resilience’ line, trotted out so frequently during lockdown, was a total lie, used to assuage the guilt of those clamouring for ever tighter restrictions on children’s lives, and we are now dealing with the fallout. I am only grateful that the U.K. avoided a few of the worst excesses (masks on toddlers, as per the U.S. and others) and that DD appears to have escaped largely unscathed.

Delatron · 24/11/2022 09:19

@PorridgewithQuark

So just to be clear. You are saying if every parent did a good job of home schooling then this would have mitigated all the effects of lockdowns that we are seeing in children and teenagers? Wow. I’m not sure you can even homeschool a teenager.

What about those trying to hold down a full time job? Is it their fault they couldn’t spend a full school day teaching their kid?

What about those children who hated being homeschooled?

Your view is mind dumbingly simplistic and very insulting to parents with children who really struggled and still are from the effects of lockdowns.

What about those reception age children who arrived at school with little social skills? Were the parents supposed to magic up socialising for young children too?

It’s far more complex than you are suggesting. You’re implying every child is the same. Which we know would be a ridiculous thing to suggest….

EndlessRain · 24/11/2022 09:21

TempsPerdu · 24/11/2022 09:17

The many personal accounts on this thread are heartbreaking to read. Children’s social and developmental needs really were all but forgotten during the pandemic.

DD has recently started Reception. When we visited her school last week for a casual drop-in visit her class teacher described her as ‘extraordinary’, and the most well-adjusted, school ready child she has taught in the past two years. In my personal opinion, DD, while lovely and certainly above average ability wise, is by no means extraordinary. In a ‘normal’ school year there would be a big group of similarly mature, able, well prepared children - but by the admission of the school, this year and last these children are largely missing.

So many of DD’s peers have significant issues: undiagnosed special needs, having missed out on professional scrutiny and early intervention during lockdown; social anxiety and other emotional issues; speech delay; general immaturity (my daughter comes across as a good couple of years older than most of her peers).

As a former primary teacher, I recognised immediately that there were an unusual amount of challenges among this year’s cohort. I’m also a governor at the school, and this was confirmed at our most recent meeting - this year and last, the Early Years teachers are mainly fire-fighting and trying to unravel some of the damage that has been done by lockdowns, widespread professional abandonment of children and the lack of crucial early social connections. Now compounded my the lack of funding to support them, and an almost total lack of recognition by government that these problems even exist.

Why is DD so far ahead? Not because she’s innately superior in any way, but because of my professional background (I also have a Master’s in a subject allied to child development). I recognised exactly what the impact of covid measures on young people would be and was able to mitigate some of the damage. I’m currently a SAHM, so was able to bake with her, craft with her and provide her with the stimulation she needed. As a family we pushed the ‘guidelines’ to the absolute limit - I still took DD to shops and on public transport, ignoring the glares and muttered comments about ‘superspreaders’ that I got from many members of the public. We met up outside (and, by the final lockdown, inside) with a couple of like-minded families so DD could have social contact. We saw both sets of grandparents after the first month or so of lockdown. We were fairly relaxed about the virus from the outset, especially once the minimal threat to young children became clear, and have thankfully avoided passing on any hang-ups about germs and cleanliness (I’m aware of at least two of DD’s friends who are now terrified of medical procedures due to frequent traumatic PCR tests, or now have issues around frequent compulsive hand-washing).

The ‘resilience’ line, trotted out so frequently during lockdown, was a total lie, used to assuage the guilt of those clamouring for ever tighter restrictions on children’s lives, and we are now dealing with the fallout. I am only grateful that the U.K. avoided a few of the worst excesses (masks on toddlers, as per the U.S. and others) and that DD appears to have escaped largely unscathed.

"Why is DD so far ahead? Not because she’s innately superior in any way, but because of my professional background"

I would say the biggest factor was that you were a SAHM. Lots of us knew what our kids needed (even without a child development masters), but being able to always do what was best for them - all the time - was sometimes limited.

Delatron · 24/11/2022 09:22

EndlessRain · 24/11/2022 09:21

"Why is DD so far ahead? Not because she’s innately superior in any way, but because of my professional background"

I would say the biggest factor was that you were a SAHM. Lots of us knew what our kids needed (even without a child development masters), but being able to always do what was best for them - all the time - was sometimes limited.

Well exactly.