Not allowed to use the word valid???!

[cofingalthetime]

So my dd has a b'friend, both are 19, and he's told her she is not allowed to say the word "valid" as it is offensive to him??? She thinks she should be allowed to use words that she wants to - what do ye all think...??
She said she uses the word 'valid' when he tries to say she 'shouldn't' feel a certain way for example - so she says 'my feelings are valid'.

Well obviously she should tell him to fuck off - but love is blind.

Sounds like her BF doesn't like girls who don't want to be gaslit. And presumably finds 'gaslighting' 'offensive' as well.

It’s a red flag for controlling behaviour.

Is she complying?

I don't think your dd's boyfriend 's opinion on this is valid at all. In fact if I were her I think I'd invalidate the entire relationship.

Although I'm mildly curious to know where he gets the notion to find the word valud offensive. I wonder if he's stretching to the use of the word for people and the old use of invalid for chronically ill people...

He sounds like a right catch. Scared of his invalidity to her future with any luck.

How on earth is it offensive

Tell her never to move in with him, then find other words that mean the same thing, eg, my feelings are important.

Has he got the meaning confused with another word? Racking my brains to think what it could possibly be confused with, but still...

No doubt he'd find the word 'knob' offensive, as in your DD's bf sounds like a controlling knob OP.

Yeah I am worried about her. And if she uses different words he says the same back to her 'but MY feelings are important and you are offending me by saying THAT word etc' he says

Personally I think she would be better off without him, and enjoying herself without all this shite but there you go - as someone up the thread said 'love is blind'

Christ what a throbber
Tell her she has lots of valid reasons to get rid of the dickhead

He's basically a manipulator who's trying to shut your daughter and her feelings down. The very fact that she's even having to defend herself and tell him her feelings are valid is a massive clue that he doesn't give a hoot about her feelings, valid or otherwise.

I sincerely hope your DD manages to yeet this one back into the sea.

Get rid of him. Be fucked if I went out with someone telling me which words to use…

He sounds really controlling as well as a twat

Hopefully your DD will break her rose tinted glasses soon!

God I hope so. I keep saying it to her and pointing things out to her, but yeh they 'love' each other so....

I wonder how he feels about 'fuckwit'?

Tell her the best valid words are “off you fuck”

Arsehole would also be eminently valid.

Oh god, he’s sounds a horrible little shit. It’s so tough when you can’t make them realise!

Tell her to pick some innocuous word that he uses all the time and tell him that it offends her and he's not allowed to use it. And also that it offends her when he uses his right hand, so he needs to do everything left handed. Oh and that it offends her when he wears trousers, so he'll just have to wear skirts from now on.

Well, this doesn't make sense. I looked up the meaning on valid. With regards to "my feelings are valid" it basically mean "my feelings are based on truth or reason; able to be accepted"(cambridge dictionary) or " my feelings are well-grounded or justifiable : being at once relevant and meaningful" (Merriam-webster).

Him saying "my feelings are important basically means "my feelings are marked by or indicative of significant worth or consequence" (merriam-webster), or "my feelings are of great significance or value" (cambridge).

So is he saying that her feelings are untrue or incongruent and therefore invalid? (This is pretty much what he is saying when he said she shouldn't feel a particular way anyway). But his feelings hold great value .... why? Because they are his?

He takes invalidation of feelings to whole new levels doesn't he? His feelings getting hurt by her way of expressing herself is childish. He is 19 but even so....

Good for her for picking up on it though!

I really hope she realises and gets rid of him. He sounds like an absolute knob. No one needs that in their life, especially at 19.

It would be a valid parenting choice to show her this thread.

Haha.

There's no universe where the word "valid", is offensive. She wants rid of him.

If I were her it would be virtually the only word I ever used. Other than Fuck and Off