To ask DD to contribute to cost of school trip?

[Badabingy]

My 13 year old DD’s school announced this week that it’s arranging a trip next year abroad. It’s expensive (2k+), and comes after we’ve already signed her up for a ski trip for this school year. We’re in a fortunate position where we can afford it, and it seems lots of her friends are going. However, she seems to have an absolute expectation that she gets to go, and when we suggested that she might not be able to she had a strop. I spoke to her and explained that if she could put forward a proposal to ‘earn’ some of the money towards the trip by doing jobs around the house (I’m thinking about 10% of the cost, which would equate to less than an hour’s chores a week) then we’d consider it. She thinks we are being really unreasonable.

i grew up in a poor household and I’m continually astounded by her sense of entitlement. We try to keep her grounded but are not doing a very good job! When I was younger I missed an amazing trip at school and was absolutely gutted (funnily enough my mum told me a few years later that I’d just expected to be able to go and hadn’t offered to pay anything- if I had, they would have contributed the rest of the money).

I don’t want her to miss out but I don’t want her to think she can have expensive things like this handed to her in a plate.

AIBU?

If you treat her like a princess, she'll behave like one. We were offerred free private school places (public school actually) for our DC as DH taught there.
We declined as we really dont like the sense of entitlement they can breed.

OP, this is on you. You speak of “giving in” to her expectations, but you have created these expectations. If the money is (to her) seemingly endless, for both her and her peers, then she’ll have no idea of where the line is or what she should really value.

I can think of a few ways you could position this (too late for the ski trip now):

• Allow her to choose between the family holiday next year, or the school trip (and go stay with a relative while you go on holiday). Present it that there’s a budget pp for holidays, and if she’s using hers on school trips then she’s not coming to Aruba.
• If she has an allowance, she could pay £x per month for 18 months towards the trip: 12m before and 6m after. The 6m after part is an important lesson in credit, as it feels even less worthwhile to be paying for something that has been and gone.
• It could be birthday and/or Christmas gift for next year. This isn’t about a cash exchange value - it’s about learning that you’re going above and beyond for her in a way that isn’t an everyday occurrence. It’s a gift.

I would probably ask for something like £20/month from her allowance for 18m towards it, for her to fund any spends from her savings, and then the rest to be her birthday present (at the closest birthday to the trip). Birthday easier than Christmas, as it’s not like everyone else is getting physical gifts.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 go back to bed and get some more sleep grumpy 🤣🤣🤣

@Irritateandunreasonable that’s not my grumpy face 🤣
I’m still vaguely curious what led you to bump a months old thread though and not even read it and make a comment irrelevant to private schools!

We pay for school costs because to us,it is part of school, our teenager was going to go on a overseas trip but covid stopped that

Our teenager have never acted entitled and is appreciative so we happily pay, and if this behaviour continues we will do so

Oh bore off zzzzz

Depends on the school. My DD went to the Galápagos Islands! Cost a small fortune.

I think its fair she earns something towards it. I'd type up a sheet stating the job that need doing and how much she will earn from doing them.

My y11 came home to tell me about a school trip when she is in Y13. Haven't got cost yet but I am estimating £2-2.5k

She wants to go and I have told her that if it's in that region I am happy for her to do it but I expect her to be contributing approx 1/3 of the cost and any spending money.

She is happy with this and knows than I cannot afford to pay the whole lot.

My parents did same for me - I paid half the cost of school trip which was the only way I was able to go.

Guess as it's a private school the trip £2k is costing less then a terms fees / often £3/4k

So children will want /expect it

But yes making them pay towards a holiday/trip is essential imo

So that they don't expect trips like this all the time

If they want to go they need to earn /spend some of their money

When I was about 14/15 I went on a school trip to Italy, to pay my way I had to do the laundry and ironing for our family of five for an entire year. Seemed reasonable then seems reasonable now

@Irritateandunreasonable Oh bore off zzzzz

🤣🤣🤣 couldn’t bring yourself to say, “oooops!” then?

Weirdo.