think pnd has damaged me forever

[poochie9]

My little girl is now 11 weeks. I’ve been diagnosed with pnd and ocd and have taken all the necessary steps to get better. Started on medication and under the perinatal mental health team.

i just feel like it’s to late for me now and mine and my little girls bond is just going to be damaged forever. I’ll never get rid of these thoughts that she deserves better than me, someone who can love her with there whole heart and not an emotionless mess of a mum

the tablets I’m taking might well lift my mood but how can I ever get back the time where a special bond should have been made? How is that going to come.
i feel like I’m going to go through life a half feeling human.

ive posted so many times various talk topics to do with pnd and ocd and no matter how many responses I get I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m irreversibly broken.
my little girl is beautiful. I wish this never happened to me and now I don’t know how to come back from this. I just want the best for her

I am so pleased to see your update OP. It is a long road but you’re well on your way on it.
One thing that struck me is you say you feel like you weren’t present and I totally get it. Well done on getting out and about, it’s very difficult but you are doing it.
As someone further down the line but who suffered in the beginning like you, I look at my children now and they are amazing. I adore them, they adore me and nobody would have any idea that I had PND looking at us now. They have thrived, they have so many happy memories despite my own struggles; your DD is thriving too and she will have beautiful memories with you.

I absolutely agree with everything @35965a just said!
So glad to see a positive update - keep doing what you're doing op, im glad you're starting to have better days x

She won’t know. Honestly she won’t. I have 3 children. With my first I had ptsd from birth trauma and pnd. I didn’t bond with him for a long, long time. He’s 5 now and I love him with all my heart, our bond is brilliant. My other 2 children I loved straight away and I was in a much better place. I love them all the same but if I am perfectly honest the one I have the strongest bond with is my eldest because I had to fight for it. All she needs right now is her basic needs to be taken care of. The rest will come later. It will be ok.

Oh gosh I’ve just seen this is an old post and I am so glad to read your update

Oh well done you! I knew you could do it. Big hugs from me