To ask for alcohol contribution for hosting Xmas meal

[Jollychristmas]

DH’s family (mum, brother and wife and two adult ‘kids’ in their 30’s) are coming to us for Xmas day for lunch and evening meal. We have two young DC’s and last year it wasn’t very relaxing taking a newborn out plus all the kids toys etc so I had suggested to DH we stay home. Previously we always went to his mums but we always took drinks and I always made a pudding.
Somehow it’s ended up they are coming to us this year.
DH’s family are big drinkers, expensive wine, ports, fancy beer etc whereas I don’t drink. So, we suggested we all divvy up the drinks to make it even for us all eg one person bring port, one wine, another non alco with roughly same £ spent. DH and I are by far the lowest earners and we are doing food, white wine (the most popular drink for them all), crackers etc. BIL complained and said he has already bought his own specialist non alco drinks and will not be sharing so not to include him!
I didn’t think we were unreasonable but apparently we are because we are the hosts we should be providing it all?
I just wanted a peaceful day with my kids to be honest.

Just tell them all to bring a bottle or a few cans as you’ll only be providing say… a couple of glasses of fizz. I think that’s fair

I would just make it clear to them that if they don't bring it they don't drink it. If they don't want to spend the money then they can drink squash all day. I wouldn't be hosting Christmas and providing a free bar all day.

I'd just tell them you'll provide x amount of whatever you will and leave it at that. As you don't drink it really won't be your problem if everyone's fighting for the last glass of wine.

If they want posh booze then they bring it themselves...but make sure it's crystal clear that they know in advance.

Is it just your BIL being an arse or all of them?

You shouldn't have to provide it, but I don't think you should be telling people what to bring either. Let people bring what they want to drink. Yes, you may have more bottles of wine than anything else, but does that matter?

So your BIL is it happy to come around yours and eat your food, but refuses to make a contribution to the drinks? I'd be telling him that you've bought the food and won't be sharing, see how he reacts to that!

Tell them you’ll be providing white wine but if they want anything else they’ll need to bring it themselves. That’s more than generous.
When I host my mum brings the turkey and my brother brings the booze - and plenty of it. I am a single parent on the lowest income but have the best house for hosting, so we all muck in.
I don’t do any washing up either. They sort the kitchen while I retire to the living room with a bottle of Prosecco and the tub of quality street 😊

That doesn’t make sense, why is you’re bil only wanting non alco drinks if he’s a big drinker or are you asking him to pay for others?

That's terrible! In our family the hosts provide all food etc, but others bring alcohol and nibbles. Without being asked! So I already know I don't need to buy red wine, baileys, JD, smoothies for the kids, many nibbles.
We host for 3+ days, and everyone helps with meal prep/tidying/childcare/dishes etc. It's honestly a pleasure.
I'd be telling people that you can't host without contributions. I wouldn't feel bad either!

Entirely reasonable. I’d just present a list of what was required on the family whatsapp and if they don’t bring it they don’t have it!

Not sure what BIL has done wrong if he's said he's bringing his drinks?

OP - just tell everyone to bring what they want to drink. That's what we're doing this year. Usually we have a chat beforehand so we don't end up with lots of the same.

Provide some (3? Glasses wine each?) but if they want to go large, they can bring extra booze.

I wouldn't specify this, however. If they don't bring much this year, they'll get the message for next!

BIL complained and said he has already bought his own specialist non alco drinks and will not be sharing so not to include him!

It's the not sharing thing that makes me think he's an arse

BIL does drink but for some reason he’s decided he’s only drinking original orangina that day?! I thought he was joking but no…!
DH put it on the family WhatsApp, and I’ve now stopped replying. I did put on there that I’ll buy one potato, one sprout, one carrot etc and MIL wrote ‘that’s not very friendly’.
I love Christmas and already I can feel I’m not feeling quite as excited. It’s knackering with them all and they don’t chip in with the kids as they ‘are over that stage now’.

DSis usually hosts our family of 4 along with her family. We take champagne, wines and various odd drinks we have floating about like raspberry vodka etc and the Christmas pudding and 2 pavlovas (we always have the same!). I also give her some money
YANBU

As a one off I think I'd be buying all the booze as host but my family would all contribute too without having to ask...I bought enough last year that it saw me right thru til February! If you end up hosting every year then address it, but just buy cheap versions of the stuff they like so it's available and up to them if they turn their nose up and go without

Exactly! You're hosting and providing all the food? Guests can bring drinks. I'd say you'll provide a glass of fizz and if they want any other drinks, please bring them.

I sort of understood your BIL if he'd actually bought his own specialist non alcoholic drinks as they could be quickly drank by others leaving him nothing to drink - but Orangina!!

I would automatically take drink if someone was doing the food. Just tell them to bring what they want to drink

They can complain but they can’t spend your money for you. Get DH to put on the app that you’ll be providing white wine and pop for the kids (but not orangina cause BIL is in charge of that) and anything else they want they can bring. If they don’t bring anything else you can all drink white wine, water and cups of tea.

Can you tell them to come after lunch? 2 meals for a big group in one day is a lot of work!

It's not unreasonable unless you regularly go to theirs and drink a lot (which you've said you don't). Who begrudges taking something to your hosts who are cooking them a meal!?

Just go to aldi and get whatever value wine or prosecco you want to provide, tell them that's all you're providing, and make sure you're in charge of pouring it. If they don't like it...they had their chance

If you're hosting and doing the food and your guests are too mean to even bring a bottle of something without being asked... I mean. That's so rude. I'd either cancel the whole thing or I'd offer up water on the day and if anyone asks I'd say "well, I did say it was bring your own drinks..."

This would drive me nuts. What if bil decides he wants to drink your booze once there? Will you need to police him? I’m surprised that you’re hosting 5 others with small dc.

I would not dream of turning up at a family members house (or anyone else's) house empty handed!!!

I would take some fizz, something I wanted to drink and also something for the host. That would be as a minimum! Especially if the we're hosting us all day long.

Cheeky sod.

My sibling usually does Christmas due to having the biggest house. We all take ownership of the food and drink and he just provides the 'sides'. One takes the meat, one the drinks, one the starters and puddings and crackers.