To ask for alcohol contribution for hosting Xmas meal

[Jollychristmas]

DH’s family (mum, brother and wife and two adult ‘kids’ in their 30’s) are coming to us for Xmas day for lunch and evening meal. We have two young DC’s and last year it wasn’t very relaxing taking a newborn out plus all the kids toys etc so I had suggested to DH we stay home. Previously we always went to his mums but we always took drinks and I always made a pudding.
Somehow it’s ended up they are coming to us this year.
DH’s family are big drinkers, expensive wine, ports, fancy beer etc whereas I don’t drink. So, we suggested we all divvy up the drinks to make it even for us all eg one person bring port, one wine, another non alco with roughly same £ spent. DH and I are by far the lowest earners and we are doing food, white wine (the most popular drink for them all), crackers etc. BIL complained and said he has already bought his own specialist non alco drinks and will not be sharing so not to include him!
I didn’t think we were unreasonable but apparently we are because we are the hosts we should be providing it all?
I just wanted a peaceful day with my kids to be honest.

The hosts provide the meals. Guests should always bring a bottle. Especially if they're big drinkers.

I can't imagine being a guest for Christmas and expecting the hosts to provide all alcohol, I thought bring a couple of bottles was standard whenever someone hosts you?

My cousin always hosts parties and dinners. She always tells guests to bring their own alcohol, as only non alcoholic drinks will be provided. People always bring their own. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

God, people are such fuckers.

It doesn’t take a lot of intelligence to understand how much hosting Christmas costs, it doesn’t take a lot of sensitivity to recognise that some family members need everyone to chip in, and it doesn’t take a lot of generosity for people to be happy to do so.

Same. They are expecting you to slave over the meal and fund the whole thing.... what's in it for you?

Where is your DH in all of this?

Is he not mortified by his family’s tight behaviour? Is he not managing them, and telling them to contribute?

We rotate Christmas hosting in my family - but for everyone’s ‘off year’, we all bring food and drink to contribute and to lighten the hosts’ load.

This is now normal, social people operate.

I haven't drunk for 20 years plus- but I always turn up with drinks for the host and 'general' drinks- e.g. lager/beer and wine.

I also bring my own soft drinks because honestly, I'm fed up of orange juice and or lemonade/coke but wouldn't ever expect someone to provide me with something special.

On a side note- I love a bit of Orangina........

I think, as other posters have said, you need to make it clear what will be in the house and if they want extra, they will need to bring it; especially if they are big drinkers.

Are they sabotaging because they really want to have it at MIL’s, do you think?

Bloody hell, if I were visiting for 2 meals at Christmas (or any time to be fair), it’d be 2 bottles of red, a bottle of white, a very good bottle of champagne plus a decent crement as a minimum.

How you refrained from pointing out that turning up on Christmas Day with no contribution was far from friendly either, is totally beyond me.

Stay true to your word. If they don't want to bring their own drinks plonk a couple of jugs of tap water on the table.

I host Christmas most years and it has always been agreed that I provide the food and everyone brings their drinks of choice. Obviously I buy drinks for my family but no one complains and everyone of a generous in their drinks provisions. That's the best way to do it. Tell them you are providing food so they bring their own drinks.

Of course you provide alcohol..
And also provide a bill of £19.99 a head..
Cfers they are op.
We all eat here.. We all chip in financially..
Why wouldn't you?.

I would just put one last message on the WhatsApp group to say you are providing the food and that's it. Everyone can bring their own drink, and as you don't drink there won't be any alternatives should they forget.

I really didn’t think we were being unreasonable! It’s been a while since I’ve been out (babies/covid) but I have always taken something for the host and like many others have said always thought it completely normal to do so!
DH is working this evening so hasn’t seen the group since he put the suggested list on there but I do know previously BIL has drank some of his fancy champagne before when we have been at MIL’s and he didn’t say anything. Whenever we took anything we always expected to share but I think BIL and SIL are tight and clearly their adults kids are proving that way too. (As a side everyone treats DNiece & DNephew as kids eg they don’t buy Xmas/bday gifts for us) but they are working and living independently with great jobs so I don’t see why they can’t contribute! They each earn more than me. And I’m just sick of it.
I think DH should write that we will provide our own drinks for us and our kids plus soft drinks but that anything extra please bring their own.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. We always take a nice bottle of wine/fizz or case of beer (basically whatever we'd like to drink!) with us to any occasion - it's polite!

I applaud you for wanting to continue with this get together, I don't think I could hold my tongue let alone Christmas dinner. They all sound dreadfully rude.

Just say it's bring your own booze 🤷‍♀️

Hi all, we'll supply all the food, please brings your own drinks, see you soon

I think it's reasonable to ask them to bring drinks but not to prescribe what they bring. Tell them you're doing food but they should bring what they want to drink.

I mean, in reality, I'd expect them to bring what they like plus a bottle of wine for the host, but I couldn't tell them exactly what to bring.

Well take on that theme op. The adult dc get a selection box.... No gift... My adult dc pitch in and have a limit they spend on each other.. Proper gifts.

You shouldn't be providing all the drink or all the food. We all go to my sister's house but everyone brings a dish. Host does the meat, BIL brings veg/ sides, I bring starters, parents bring dessert, everyone brings their drink of choice - no one should have to spend all the money and all the effort for Christmas while everyone else sits back and is waited on hand and foot.

Tell them what's being provided. Provide it and then if they want anything else, they bring it or go without. They can't say they haven't been told.

Tell them you’ve changed your plans and you are spending Xmas day as a little family. The pressure on people to host on Xmas day is absurd x

Tell me then you’ll have xxxx and xxxx to drink. Anything else they want, they need to bring. Don’t buy more than you say you’re going to. If the arrive without drink then it’s tough luck. They were warned.

Why are you providing two meals on Christmas day? Could you not do a main meal at 4 pm? Then you'll only have to cook once. And ask them to bring nibbles and alcohol.

YANBU, I think the usual thing is for guests to bring drinks/offer to bring a dish. One of my siblings lives close by to me: when they host Xmas/other meals (their house is MUCH bigger than mine), I always offer to prep and bring food, drinks and/or offer money to go towards cost of hosting myself and DC. Me and DC help out when we are there.