Feeling like he only 36 yr old electively single childfree woman on the planet.

[Balletandbooks]

I posted in Chat too, but seems busier here.

The last of my childfree friends has announced today that she’s expecting a baby.

I’m very happy for her, she’s been trying for a while. But I’m sad for myself, because I feel so completely alone.

I am 36, neurotypical, professional, single and childfree by choice. Probably asexual but I don’t really do labels. I am happy that my life choices are right for me, but sad that each and every one of my friends and contemporaries have chosen a different life. It’s an invalidating and lonely place to be.

I would absolutely LOVE to hear from another 30-something single childfree woman who isn’t actively trying to ‘escape’ my lifestyle.

Is there anyone out there?

I said I FEEL like the only one on the planet.

I am lucky that my best friend is also child free by choice. We just don't want them, but it does feel like baby fever all around. You're not alone OP.

Hi Op,

The first comment you got there wasn't very nice. Your feelings are valid. Unfortunately I'm not what your looking for. I'm late 20s single and no children but I would love to have a child.

But despite those differences I get alot of the feelings you might feel as a result of all your friends being on a different path and I think I can understand how lonely that is.

Anyway I'm not quite what your looking for but just wanted to comment so you had more than that one response.

Yanbu! I had my teen when I was a teen and he doesn't really need me anymore (I know we always need our mums). So it's completely different as I do have child but I feel like the odd one out meeting up with my mid to late 30's friends and not having a school age child or baby with me. So I can imagine it does feel a little strange for you OP.

I'm exactly the same as you, though not so neurotypical. I've never wanted kids and I absolutely love that I don't have any. My life isn't perfect by any means, but it would be so much worse with a child.

Hi Op, I don't post much but this struck a chord with me. I am also a child free 36 year old woman. Like you I'm perfectly happy with my choice but did feel a bit weird when my friends started having kids. I think it was because it seemed to be such a common thing to either have /be desperate for kids that I started wondering if there was something wrong with me for not being that way. In the end I decided that I'm unusual buy valid. We've made the right decisions for ourselves and so have our friends. [Smile]

Mumsnet seems like an odd choice of forum for this question

I have a couple of years on you, am single and childfree by choice (no intention of that changing) and my last childfree female friend has just started trying to have a baby so I am also the very last one in my friendship group to be single and childless. I fully intend on staying that way.

I definitely felt like the odd one out and questioned my choices when everyone first started getting married and then getting pregnant because I very much felt like the odd one out and wondered if I was making a huge mistake by not wanting kids and marriage...but honestly, now I feel great about it.

Sometimes I feel a little left out when people are meeting up and doing stuff with the kids and I'm rarely part of that (I also moved further away from where the majority of my friendship group is based, or I'd be included more), but I also get to do stuff my parent-friends don't, like take myself off travelling for a few months at a time, or go to the spa when I'm feeling low or unproductive, or take a spontaneous day off or day out or trip to the cinema or whatever. I can lie in when I want, I never have to worry about childcare, nobody's shrieking or having tantrums or messing up my house. I don't have to clean up after anyone else, or do anybody's laundry or worry about schools and school fees or overpriced holidays that have to fit around school holidays and I don't feel like my life is reduced to being a mother and taking care of my kids (which I know is something more than one of my friends has struggled with). Of course, I'm also missing out on a ton of magical motherhood moments, but I never wanted those, so I'm good with it.

Thank you, I appreciate that @2000lightyearsaway123 ☺️

Thank you, yes it is lonely. Have you got any friends who had their child/ren young, like you?

Thanks for replying ☺️ Do you have friends who are in a similar boat? If not, does it bother you?

Maybe so, but I am not aware of a forum for women who are not mums. If I am here, perhaps others like me are too.

There are PLENTY of non-mums here, including by choice. Let's not get into that old debate again.
You might be the only one in your current circle OP, but you're not the only one out there by far. And chances are that you'll meet up with others over time.

Hello! I’m so happy to meet you 😃 Are you single too? I feel regularly as though there’s something wrong with me. What do you like doing in your free time?

Try being 46 and electively single. I keep getting consoled about being infertile.

no. I’m just too selfish and too controlling to have kids. If they didn’t do as they were told captain con trap would be mary popping compared to me.

best not to go there

I had similar at about 28 when everyone was pregnant or had children already. I am over it but it stung when all lives moved into different directions.

I am waiting to reach age when people just assume I am too old and stop digging 😂

Bloody phone autocorrect!

I’m married to a lovely dh who has kids (all grown) and grandkids.

Im a great step mum and step granny.

Yanbu OP! Although I have kids (I had them very late), I'd say half of my friends don't (mid 40s, real mix of backgrounds and education, both gay and straight), do you live in a city? It's a lot easier to find child free friends in the city. They are out there, don't give up hope! I totally understand your feelings. Kids are not for everyone. Monogamy is not for everyone. I think society is waking up now finally!

I’m so happy to meet you @RincewindsHat ☺️
What sort of work do you do? I love travel too, I’ve wondered about joining a group adventure travel type of holiday, have you ever done anything like that?

Seen absolutely loads of this type of thread lately, variations on “having children = bad”.

I wish we had the option to hide threads.

When my mum bought me a girls world and dolls, I used the chemistry set my dad bought me to experiment on. He knew I preferred mechano, computers and chemistry where as my mum wanted me to be a girly girl.

not trans (wonder if they’d try to label me these days) just don’t like girly stuff.

I'm 38 not single but childless. I can't honestly say I want a child. I like my life the way it is and I love sleep. My DP does want one.

One friend has two children and one friend doesn't. I see both of them the same amount but with the kiddies. I love them as they are the best. My sister's daughter is 18 now too so I socialise with her a bit more.

However, all my DPs friends and family have/had/having babies everywhere. Its all baby talk so I do feel left out when all the girls talk. I also have depression and finding that my conditions are glossed over with comments such as its hard being a mum, you don't have anything to worry about like we do etc.

So his side of family I feel odd but mine I feel fab.

You do whatever is best and hope you're OK.

I would like to make more friends though.

Mumsnet is a great forum. Do a survey of all the boards and actually look at how many are actually related to kids.

if you hide parenting and education and child health you just get generally batshit aibu threads about kids.

You can hide threads