Feeling like he only 36 yr old electively single childfree woman on the planet.

[Balletandbooks]

I posted in Chat too, but seems busier here.

The last of my childfree friends has announced today that she’s expecting a baby.

I’m very happy for her, she’s been trying for a while. But I’m sad for myself, because I feel so completely alone.

I am 36, neurotypical, professional, single and childfree by choice. Probably asexual but I don’t really do labels. I am happy that my life choices are right for me, but sad that each and every one of my friends and contemporaries have chosen a different life. It’s an invalidating and lonely place to be.

I would absolutely LOVE to hear from another 30-something single childfree woman who isn’t actively trying to ‘escape’ my lifestyle.

Is there anyone out there?

I normally keep my head down on most of the topics and enjoy reading the style & beauty and property boards.

I am slightly younger, early 30s and child free by choice and it will be remaining this way. Many of my friends are now announcing their pregnancies and I am genuinely thrilled for them and very much looking forward to being the doting “auntie”. For me, the decision was made in my mid-20s to be childfree when I realised I had spent the majority of my life (since early teenage years) caring for my parents (in terms of mental health, not physical) I’d rather not go into details as too outing. I finally felt “free” when I moved out from home and began to establish a life of my own, I do still have these caring responsibilities (but at a distance) and as selfish as it sounds the free time I have I wish to enjoy my life and pursuits.

I am an academic (still stuck at post-doc stage which wouldn’t put me in a great place mat leave wise if I was broody) but love my job. Outside of work I am mad keen for the outdoors and it fulfils me a great deal.

No, I live in a rural town miles from anywhere. I sometimes think I should move to the city, but I just really love living in a beautiful place and having the countryside on my doorstep. Ny friends are here too, albeit we don’t have as much in common anymore, I worry I would be even more lonely moving somewhere where I know nobody. Maybe I should reconsider though.

I’m ten years older than you, but you’re not alone. It can feel like it though, can’t it? I’ve been there, plenty of times.

One thing I would suggest, if you’re at all interested in women’s rights and feminism, is to check out local feminist groups. They attract a higher proportion of women who choose their own path in life, and ime even the mothers tend to be more open-minded than you’d find at your average straight-married occasion.

So you can, thanks for prompting me to look a bit harder!

I absolutely love going out with my child free friends, because I don’t feel obliged to talk about child centric things- it saves me from a breakdown (I have a child).

I can completely understand why op would want to spend time with cf people. No need to bash the thread.

Ha, too old to post but no, you aren't alone. 😁

I'm not (quite) 36 but otherwise yes, me Most of my friends don't have children, but most of them do have partners. I'm not opposed to being in a relationship but I'm also not actively looking and if it doesn't happen for me then that's fine. Not wanting children takes a lot of the pressure off because I don't feel a need to meet someone before an externally imposed deadline.

I'm moving abroad soon, to a country where I think it would be seen as more unusual for women to stay single and childless than it is here, and am interested to see whether that shapes my perceptions in any way.

Hi @Balletandbooks I’m early 30s and also CF by choice. Some days it doesn’t really bother me - some days I am particularly glad when I hear about the problems my friends have with their children - and some days I do feel very much an outsider. It’s like being a parent is a club that you will never get access to, and that’s fine because it’s my choice not to join the club but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel a bit sad that all my friends are in it.
Happy to PM if you want to talk further! 🥰

Why would you come to MUMSnet of all the forums that you could have posted on to say this? Yes, there are childless women on here and they are allowed to be here of course but if you keep hanging out around MUMS and parents of course you will feel like you're the only one who doesn't have children.

I think you should explore other forums and websites that has other women in your position.

Not about the op but generally agree there have been loads of anti children anti motherhood/parenthood threads which are goady and disrespectful. We KNOW not everyone likes or wants children, why come here to tell us?!

But why would you? There are childfree 36 year old women literally everywhere. You live out in the sticks so obviously theres a lot less people in general but childfree women in their 30s are not hard to find. Throw a stone in any direction....

It's women centred forum. Of course you ask on here.

There is a way to get rid of us though! Just talk only about mum things😁 Who can resist property forum, food and other threads😁

Have you tried Meetup to meet similar women? I am in my 50s and have several child free friends btw. Some of whom are also single. I enjoy their company.

Oh just saw you are rural, sorry. I can imagine that it is lonely then.

Surprisingly enough men post here too. And not even about parenting shock, horror

Can you not just stick to the threads where you have something original to say, if there are any?

Agree!!

Child free and about to be 36 myself.

I really miss having friends my age. Female friends of a similar age have mostly dropped away.

I do have some lovely friends and socialise at hobbies with women in their late 40s/early 50s who are “out the other side” of having small kids, but their challenges and stage of life is still different enough to mine to miss having contemporaries.

I do have teen step kids though, so I suppose every second weekend I forget it all because I’m too busy going to sports games and driving to parties 😅

Enjoy yourself. Up to my eyes in it now and wondering why I didn't stay single and child free. Family life is so overrated!

I think eventually the pregnancy/baby/kids obsession stage runs out of steam and it settles down a bit once they get older. I find my friends and I don't talk much about our kids now which is nice! Feels like we're finally getting to spend time with each other after a 10 year baby blur.

I know loads of childfree women in their forties. If you find meetup groups for women 40+ (there are a few where I live) and they are happy for someone younger to join you may well find either childfree women or women with grown up children not interested in talking about them.

I'm in my 40s and also single and childfree. I live in London though so have lots of friends in a similar situation. Honestly OP, you should consider moving to a city.

About why women like us post on MN - because I'm not aware of any other women-centred forums with such a great range of discussions. If anyone knows of one then do tell us!

I am the one with grown up kids and not interested in talking about them in all the London Meetup groups:) I have friends in their 30s. I would suggest making friends with older women as well.

MN is far broader now than just mums. Anyone thinking that people posting about being happy without kids is somehow anti-child/anti-parent and disturbing, imagine living in a society where single people without children are basically ignored, and families seen as the be all and end all. At least it’s just MN making you feel insecure - we have to live with the world doing it!

Anyway YANBU OP! I’m a bit older than you, single and childfree. My best friend is as staunchly childfree as me and we have a lovely time doing fun things together that don’t involve soft play and tedious conversations with sticky demanding people.

Happy to meet you too 😊 I am single at the moment yes. It's a situation I'm happy with right now, although that might change in the future. I probably won't come back on this thread again but you're very welcome to DM me if you want 🙂