To suggest not having kids when older

[eelieza]

If youre going to be getting older as they grow up even, when health issues are inevitable and you know there are no provisions for their own care

Is someone pressuring you to have children at an age you’re not comfortable with? If not then I’d just stick to worrying about when you have kids instead of worrying about everyone else.

Literally every single person gets older as their children grow up. that's the way time works.

👍

I had mine when I was young. It feels quite personal as my parents had me when they were older and then I missed out on a lot due to their old age and they had no help

Are you going to share your arbitrary cut off point? Do you propose sterilisation of people you consider too old to breed?

My parents had me at 30 and were both dead by the time I was 34. You can’t plan “life”.

I think that most people would love to have total control over their lives but you can't always. I started trying for a baby in my early 30s but couldn't get pregnant until my late 30s. I wouldn't really appreciate being judged for that any more than it would be fair to judge a young mother. We are all just doing our best.

I am a 500 year old witch and I had my first when I was a mere slip of a girl of 99. She moved into her own place 150 years ago.

What's having a job got to do with anything? Blimey.

Yes I suppose I'm just resentful about my upbringing

Well that escalated quickly. Suggest deleting this thread before it gets too goady…

🤣 not you calling someone a nasty little piece of shit. Wtf

I had all mine younger.

I got health issues regardless.

It's all relative though, isn't it? Why are you speaking about age in particular?

You could just as easily say don't have children if you are a busy professional because you won't have time for them. Don't have children if you're overweight because you won't be able to run around with them. Don't have children if you're young because you won't be mature enough. Don't have children if you live away from your family because they can't then have extended family involvement.

Do you see how this is sort of a slippery slope and a bit irrational?

Everyone's circumstances are different and you are being very influenced by your own experiences, but no parents are perfect.

Most people have something which makes their parenting/ family situation less than ideal.

ditto @PauliesWalnuts I am now an orphan in my early 30s!

People are just making the best decisions they can given the hand they are dealt.

I had my kids young - it meant I really struggled a lot and now I’m back at uni retraining at a time when I wish I could be more settled and be putting big chunks into savings for them when they get older. There’s always those pros and cons. A loving parent to a wanted child will always do okay, I think.

Get therapy. You clearly need it.

Your experience will not necessarily be the same as someone else who had 'older' parents. You are being very judgmental and unreasonable and quite honestly obnoxious and rude.

Existing is a matter of chance, isn't it. I am sorry, OP, I know a little about resentment around caring for your oldies when you have young ones. A bitter vice that tightens. Hope you're okay.

like @Moraxella and @PauliesWalnuts only I was an orphan by 24. What should they have done to avoid that?

What would you suggest I do op? I had mine in my 20s and very early 30s and I'm now quite severely physically disabled. I'm only in my 50s.

This. What the fuck OP. If you've got issues take it up with a therapist, don't just write off a whole subset of parents because you resent your childhood.

Couldn’t you have shared your personal story in the Chat forum @eelieza ?

nope.. you wanted the attention, hence you worded it in AIBU as a “recommendation”. T

Then you get surprised when someone disagrees with you…

.. and you abuse them with cursing?

Get counselling for your childhood experiences rather than coming in an online forum to anonymously abuse people because your parents dared to reproduce at a time of life you deem unacceptable