To suggest not having kids when older

[eelieza]

If youre going to be getting older as they grow up even, when health issues are inevitable and you know there are no provisions for their own care

had my daughter at 35. Is that too old? I was perfectly healthy. I've been left with a host of health problems since her birth & now, at 41, I'm really struggling.

You never know what is going to happen. Whatever age you are.

And you never snap?

When are you suggesting people have them?

In their early 20s when still living with parents, or caught in the crazy rent trap or on benefits.

There's always pros and cons. Most people in senior roles have gotten to a good point in their career before kids.

Living in the South East as an example is so expensive that people need to establish themselves in a good job before having kids if they're to have financial security.

You really can't have it all.

I had my three in my 30s have had multiple miscarriages in my 20s. I'm pleased with the way it's turned out as I have a mortgage, less money worries than lots and therefore can offer my children my time, extracurricular activities, a lovely home and security.

I think you are judging people wrongly. You are probably living in a bit of a bubble and don't realise all the ways in which life works

Well, unfortunately my first husband died. Definitely should have prevented that in order to have my child in a timely manner...

I didnt want to share my story to begin with. Im not surprised people disagree, I was angry at the person who spoke to me abusively in the first place. The only way to get those sorts of people to back off is to bite back. Thanks

My mum had me at 28 and my brother at 38. my parents are both super healthy (touch wood) and my brother had an amazing childhood and is now an adult. I don't see how his childhood was worse than me. In fact, it was better as they let him get away with much more as they learned from their experience with me to pick their battles 😂and my dad had huge financial problems when I was a kid and we had to move countries several times whereas my brother had great stability as their financial issues were solved by the time he started school

worse than mine*

It's easy to jump on OP but I am an 'older' parent.

When my mum's menopause kicked in, I was away at uni by then and her parents/in laws were early 60's.

I'm now in the throes of dealing with peri-menopause and the beginnings of bone/joint degenerational conditions with a needy primary only child (because I was too old/knackered to have a 2nd), recent parental bereavement, and in laws needing extra care.

It's a weird one. I can't regret the age I had him (or he wouldn't have been HIM) but I could have dealt with my current life if I'd had him at a younger age.

I know shit can happen at any age but I'd never advise my child to deliberately put off parenthood until they are 40.

I'm 46 and my partner is 53. We have a 9 year old.

We both take exceptional care of ourselves, exercise 5 times a week, don't drink or smoke, eat super healthily..I'm in far better shape than most 20 year olds I know.

And that's before you throw in the fact that I'm a high earner due to my age, stable and calm. All things I definitely wasn't when younger.

I don't think you can generalize.

My mum was 19 when she had me, an alcoholic, we were always skint and struggling.

I'd pick my daughter's upbringing over mine any day of the week.

Classy OP

Anyone else betting on the deletion time?

Your story with your kids is what I faced growing up. Them going through menopause when I was a child. Youve got it spot on

What age would people class as "older"? My mind goes to early 40's but that's probably because I'm mid 30s and hoping I've got time 🤞🏻🤞🏻😂

If only one had a 🔮

Some of us had no choice due to fertility. My DH was a lot older than we liked when our children were born but you can die really young too. 🤷‍♀️

Hope so. Obnoxious & offensive thread.

Are you sure it was their age and not just their attitude OP

PILs had DC young but are very old fashioned, you could easily add a decade on their age and not question it.

They didnt host sleepovers, never supported DHs hobbies - couldn't possibly drive him to football practice etc, no kid focused days out or treats and holidays were akin to a pensioners bus trip to the next county. The icing on the cake was refusing swim lessons for all their kids because PILs 'Don't like water'.

It's very easy to use age as an excuse for selfishness, when in fact they just didn't want to be very good parents.

Awkward 😐

And on another note, my mum and dad had me when they were 20. My dad wasn't in my life and my mum was an absent parent. I would have taken older, involved parents any day.

It’s none of your business when people have kids, OP. What a nasty post.

Wind your neck in.

I think it has less to do with the age of the parents and more to do with how active and involved parents are. There can be shit parents of any age, parents with poor health at any age, some young parents are neglectful and some older parents are neglectful. There are also wonderful parents of all ages. Some people can't afford to have young children and would rather ensure they have a solid income before bringing dependants into the mix. I think therapy to combat your own issues regarding your resentment towards your own upbringing would be more appropriate than writing off an entire age group of having children because of how you were impacted. Everyone has different experiences.

Delightful.

Bejng Good and active parents is about far more than age.

My mother had her first at 17. Me at 27. She was dead by the time I was 14. We were removed from her care when I was 7.

DH’s Granny still lives in her own house. Heats her own dinner and only stopped going out to the shops on her own when she hit 99. She was regularly babysitting her grandchildren and great-grandkids in her 80s. (We think she may outlive us all at this rate!).

MYOB

Being old is relative isn't it?

I started my periods when I was 9 and I'm now 33 so I've been able to have kids for 24 years. I didn't have DS until I was 27. I felt young because I was the first out of my friends to have a kid, but in terms of how long I've been able to have kids, I've left it quite late...33 doesn't feel old now but it sounded old when I was 27...