How many more women are going to find themselves in this situation ?

[sofrustratedbylackofknowledge]

Thread borne by the sheer amount of posts this week alone, of women who have moved in with wealthier men . Men who own houses solely in their name.. and women who have children with them without a contract of marriage or civil partnership..

The relationship breaks down and the woman is either not working or massively economically disadvantaged compared with their partners .

Made even worst by the courts bias towards shared care rendering CM almost negligible...

Why are women putting themselves in this situation. ?

Marriage has a lot of patriarchal connotations which are 'no go' for some women... but now we have civil partnerships why would you not go for this option .. ? Or is it the man refusing to commit ?

Also really concerned about the massive number of contraception failures . So many women taking the pill finding themselves pregnant and deciding to continue the pregnancy with no legal protection ..is the pill /implant failing ?

Exactly. Far too many people (and it's usually the woman) become obsessed with the wedding, completely ignoring whether the actual marriage will be a success or not.

Yet another example of the hard of thinking focusing on what they want e.g. to be centre of attention for the day, glitzy dress, huge engagement ring, swanky venue, every last twitch & sniffle captured on social meeja. Instead of focusing on what they need e.g. financial security, a respectful & supportive partner, a marriage that genuinely enhances their life etc.

@KathyWilliams
Answering your last post: yes, you would swap "the time you spent with your children" being SAHM for many years, if you had the misfortune of so many women affecting their husbands: illness, including MH, redundancy, unexpected partner's addictions to alcohol, DH swapping wife you for a younger model etc. All these happening to friends who were shocked it was happening to them. And once they saw themselves in that situation (I count 3 friends), they really regretted spending all the time with the kids while losing their earning potential and security. This thread is about that. Women need to stop ignoring reality.
I would never give up my career and tell my DDs (and DS) to never do so. Its a no brainer.

My issue with the current system in the UK is that mothers who are in a good marriage often do not have the option to be a SAHM. It is a valid choice and my children would have really benefited from me being home with them during the first 5 years. I wasn’t in a good marriage therefore it wasn’t an option for me. The tax rules in the UK are extremely unfair. Childcare needs a complete overhaul. The ratios are ridiculous and it’s not about subsidies but about proper tax breaks for anyone who is working.

I do believe the OP is correct that when the curriculum covers relationships, marriage should be explained in full. Wifework should be talked about because it happens to women all the time. The boys and girls should be divided when this is discussed because it’s a different conversation that is needed.

I don't think it worth women being a wife... without the actual status in law. If you do "wife work" without marriage then you don't build joint assets. Girls should know that.

No marriage no kids

Don't ever give up work

Have your own pension

If a man can't agree to these basics then don't do it. You would be setting yourself up for hard work, an uncomfortable retirement, dependency but no recourse in law.

If you have girls, tell them that.

@sofrustratedbylackofknowledge what do you suggest should the curriculum and change in law look like?

I ended up writing this long post, internet failed and lost it all 😂.

In my view it should teach fairness, responsibility and independence and it should be aimed at both, the female and the male part of population.

I was more elaborate in my vanished post but in my view basically the curriculum should be, just because you raise the children you had with someone don’t expect to be entitled to half of their wealth. Equally, if someone decides to fully commit their life to raising children don’t worry that you are going to automatically have to give away 50% of all of your wealth to them.

I agree op.
If you don’t want the patriarchal side of marriage , and let’s face it being ‘given away’ etc is, then do a statutory ceremony where you enter together, say the legal parts and have an a contract of marriage at the end.
I have warned dd about the pitfalls of having a child outside of marriage and advised her never to give a child a surname which is not her own. She has no intention of having a child unless she is married. If you don’t have a partner then sperm donation is the way to go. Seek out good quality genes and no from the start that you will be a single parent. I have complete respect for women who do this.

Oh yes I know men who have strung their long term partners along with the ‘I don’t believe in marriage’ only to meet someone else and marry the new partner very quickly. Usually in lavish ceremonies with all the bells and whistles.

Mmmm, very much a thing unfortunately.

I personally witnessed 3 of these in our social circle. There’s a book you can buy called why men marry bitches, honestly it’s well worth a read. Slight spoiler, the women arent bitches, they are just women who assert themselves.

Havent read that one but I highly recommend Why Men Love Bitches. Its basically about how the nice girl gets all she asks for which is nothing as she doesnt want to appear demanding. The bitch knows what she wants, demands it and will walk away when she doesnt get it. What she demands above all else is respect.

Yes, I have sadly seen this happen a few times in our social circle. Typically, the long term female partner is too soft, has issued ultimatums (and not followed through), and ended up feeling helpless because there's no hope of the wedding/marriage she desperately wants.

The bloke then meets a woman with some fire in her belly, who stands up for what she wants and will leave if she doesn't get it. Voila, the man is happy to marry her.

I was with DH for 11 years and he was still apparently undecided about whether he wanted to marry me So, I decided for us both - I left him, bought my own house and had a fling with a bloke 10 years younger than me. DH was stunned & horrified and couldn't propose to me fast enough. I turned him down. I finally accepted his 3rd proposal and we were married 4 months later. Still very happily married 21 years later.

Generally speaking, people treat you how you allow them to treat you.

Not sure if I understood this right but what is the difference between a marriage and a civil partnership?