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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH santa visit

64 replies

Oceanmoonandstars · 20/11/2022 10:13

My almost 3 Yr old and almost 1 yr old have been booked to see santa today. Oldest boy is so excited and been talking about it all weekend

Baby is a bad sleeper I was up from 12-2 then dh 3-5. He went bk to bed til 10am.

Have the boys dressed in Xmas jumpers etc and dh says he's not going as he's tired. It's been booked since september. I'm tired too but wouldn't dream of not going or taking them.

It's the first time we've done santa as they were both lockdown babies so feels like a special milestone. The venue is a 10 min walk so could be home and back in hour.

Just feel really disappointed. There's a Xmas Market etc and thought I could look at stalls have a festive hot drink etc. Will be harder on my own with 2. Was really looking forward to a family day out as on my own a lot with the dc.

I understand people not feeling great and usually it wouldn't be a problem id let him rest. But just feel really let down for the dc and this (in my eyes) big milestone occasion.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TrianglePlayer · 20/11/2022 10:16

Tell your DH to stop being pathetic and get himself up and dressed and out the door with you all.

Shoxfordian · 20/11/2022 10:16

Yanbu, does he usually just opt out of being a dad whenever he feels tired?

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 20/11/2022 10:18

TrianglePlayer · 20/11/2022 10:16

Tell your DH to stop being pathetic and get himself up and dressed and out the door with you all.

This! How ridiculous of him.

Badgirlriri · 20/11/2022 10:18

YANBU. He needs to act like an adult and put his kids first. He can have a nap after.

Bootskates · 20/11/2022 10:19

Ok he's tired...what is he planning to do all day? Whether he goes or not he still has 2 young kids so will have to power through and help out either way so he may as well have a trip out with you.

Is he planning on leaving you to it for the rest of the day? I would not be happy, YANBU

Sceptre86 · 20/11/2022 10:20

Just go. Yabu to let your eldest down because it won't be the same. It won't be the relaxing experience you imagined but I'd still go.

Oysterbabe · 20/11/2022 10:20

You're definitely not unreasonable. Tell him what you'd planned. Maybe he just hasn't really thought about it as a nice milestone as you have.

Crazypaving22 · 20/11/2022 10:22

What an arse, tell him to get himself out of bed, they are little for such a short time! He should be celebrating every little moment with them! Sick to death of these pathetic man babies!

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 20/11/2022 10:26

Sceptre86 · 20/11/2022 10:20

Just go. Yabu to let your eldest down because it won't be the same. It won't be the relaxing experience you imagined but I'd still go.

I don't think OP was suggesting she might not go, more upset that her DH is letting everyone down

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 20/11/2022 10:28

Op I'd have to speak to him about this. First time seeing Santa is a big milestone for the kids (mainly 3yo as he will remember) and I'd tell him that he is letting the kids down which is not fair.

We're adults. We're all tired. We soldier through for our children because they should be the priority

hodgehedge · 20/11/2022 10:31

Yanbu he sounds like a lazy selfish arse. He should want to see these milestones too, not wallow at home on his own. If it involved a long drive and was an all day affair I may have a bit more sympathy but it's an hour out of his life to make his kids happy. I would be pissed off too.

Tell him to do what he likes but you won't be letting your dc down and he can explain to them why daddy isn't going too.

Sceptre86 · 20/11/2022 10:32

Sorry op, I thought you weren't going without him. I'd tell him to get his arse up and with two little ones he wouldn't be able to spend all day in bed anyway. It's up to you though, is it likely to end up in an argument and then ruin the mood resulting in none of you going? I'd be inclined to go and have a nice time, once you get back then tell him how disappointed you feel that he couldn't put the kids ahead of his tiredness.

PeskyRooks · 20/11/2022 10:32

TrianglePlayer · 20/11/2022 10:16

Tell your DH to stop being pathetic and get himself up and dressed and out the door with you all.

As is so often the case, first post nails it

mamabear715 · 20/11/2022 10:33

I'd be disgusted with him. :-(

MistyGreenAndBlue · 20/11/2022 10:39

Awww. Is he tired poor diddums?

Whereas you, I'm sure, are just FULL of energy right now 🙄

I'd be furious and seriously put off him. And I'd be telling him so in no uncertain terms.

PinkSyCo · 20/11/2022 10:40

Your DH is being a selfish arse. Just to warn you though that a lot of babies do not enjoy Santa at all, so may I suggest that you leave youngest at home with DH and you and DC1 enjoy some quality time just the two of you. Suggest this to your DH and he may decide he wants to come after all. 😉

ConnieTucker · 20/11/2022 10:45

TrianglePlayer · 20/11/2022 10:16

Tell your DH to stop being pathetic and get himself up and dressed and out the door with you all.

This.

ANd id be paying close attention to is general standard of parenting too. How much is he doing generally?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/11/2022 10:47

Yes he needs to get up and stop being pathetic. If he’s a normal person presumably he can understand this?

However if he is like my exh, and turns into a stubborn lump that won’t be moved on these occasions, my advice is to do everything you can to enjoy it just you and the kids. Don’t let him rain on your parade today, or make it less fun for you.

Then talk to him about how this is not on at another time, and that this is the kind of drip drip let down that festers and ruins relationships. Only you know whether he is a normal person or an exh type though!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/11/2022 10:47

Other option is to leave your 1 yo with him and give the 3 yo some quality time with you! But again if he’s an arse generally you’ll be worrying about the 1 yo.

NoDairyNoProblem · 20/11/2022 10:48

There is nothing less attractive than this kind of behaviour. I hope you and your DC’s have a good time regardless.

Ohwowsers · 20/11/2022 10:49

Your almost 1 year old is not a lockdown baby!!!! I have an 18mo and they were born just as we came out of lockdown.

Floralnomad · 20/11/2022 10:50

Pathetic man , he either goes as a family or he gets left home with the baby .

MrsNowAndAlways · 20/11/2022 10:51

YABU seeing Father Christmas in November.

I also don't really see this as a massive issue. I'd just take them on my own especially as it seems he's not interested, I wouldn't want to drag him along and for him to miserable. It's not a big deal, it's up to him if he wants to miss out, but that doesn't mean it has to be any less of nice day for the rest of you.
Also, what PinkSyCo said though, it may be that neither of them is particularly fond of him when it comes to it.

TinFoilHatty · 20/11/2022 10:52

Leave the baby with DH.

Bootskates · 20/11/2022 10:52

@Ohwowsers there was still not a lot going on in Xmas 2021. I have seen plenty of things advertised and they're making a point of saying "for the first time since xmas 2019" etc