To be annoyed by his spending so close to Christmas?

[Gem123J]

I’m a bit annoyed at my husband this morning. He went out for a meal and drinks with his boss and another colleague last night which they do from time to time. But this time he paid for their meal, which he said the meal alone with no drinks was £100. Now I know £100 for a meal for 3 isn’t bad BUT he put it on his credit card which we both are responsible for paying. Also he goes on and on how there is so much on the credit card recently and we’re meant to be on a strict budget to clear the credit card so I mean, why does he think going out for a meal so close to their Christmas party is acceptable, or acceptable to be spending so much money when he always goes on about being on a tight budget!

1. his boss started this whole paying for meals business, surely it’s more acceptable for a boss to pay for meals anyway right?! She’s on much more money anyway and doesn’t have any children or anything.
2. The other colleague only paid for lunch at a cafe so obviously spent quarter of what my husband did.
3. Their Christmas party is in 2 weeks anyway!!
4. Christmas is around the corner and we have a child and lots of family members we still need to buy presents for.
5. The cost of living crisis and the fact that we are worried about things, especially mortgage rates, and the fact we have another child on the way!!
6. My husband was out from 3pm until after 10pm so he probably drank a lot knowing him so the £100 will be more like £200, but he did pay for the drinks himself and not on the credit card

so in my opinion he should have just gone out for drinks rather than a nice meal for everyone. Or just wait until the Christmas party.

We have a joint bank account which our salary goes into and all the bills come out of but we also have private accounts that we have an “allowance” each month. We do have a bit of debt so that’s why we do things this way to keep track on what we spend etc. The debt is manageable, but not ideal if unnecessary (in my opinion!) meals are being put on it! If my husband goes on so much about being strict then surely only emergency things should go on it in my opinion, and a meal is not an emergency!

I was annoyed at him this morning, I told him it was a bit stupid so close to Christmas and so close to their Christmas party anyway. He tells me to let it go and he wouldn’t be mad if I did that, but I wouldn’t do it would I because I’m being told weekly to be careful on what I buy that week as I’m being told to stick to a budget so we can put any leftover money to savings/clear our debts.

Yes I can see why you’re unhappy about this when you are trying to keep on top of your finances.

But these things happen in life. As reckless spending goes, this isn’t unforgivable. You and dh need to have a life, even when you’re trying to pay off debts. I think your dh just needs to rein it in between now and Xmas. And I hope there’s enough left in the budget for you to have a boozy night out at some stage too.

What does the fact that she doesn't have children have to do with anything?

Hardly a main point, but none of the extra financial responsibilities of swimming lessons, school lunch fees, but more of just thinking Christmas is around the corner and obviously families tend to be a bit more wary of spending close to Christmas, or my friends and others I know do anyway.

Surely he will claim it back on expenses anyway? I took two colleagues for lunch on Thursday, it was more than 100.00 and I will expense it at the end of the month. Its a work related expense. If not then it's just three friends going out which is a whole other matter.

Presumably because children cost money.

He needed to think before being Mr Largesse and generosity in front of his colleagues. Should definitely come out of his own spending money not joint finances.

Also, the boss paying hardly sets a precedent for the others doing so - they are being paid more, they’re the boss.

You lost me at that. I am a childless woman too, I didn’t realise this meant I had to pay every time I go out for dinner with colleagues with children. I am not even going to answer the rest because YAB so U over that comment.

My thoughts exactly

Your legitimate grievance is being lost amid your detailed explanations of which colleague paid for what beforehand, which has the most money and so on. That's irrelevant.

The point is, your husband spent a chunk of money on something non-essential and non-beneficial to your family, when you are meant to be conserving money, which was unreasonable of him.

Well it's obvious, isn't it?

That part of the credit card bill comes out of his personal spending allowance.

He can't just unilaterally decide that his personal spending is coming out of the joint account. It doesn't work that way, whether he uses a particular card to move the money or not.

When the bill comes through, he transfers £100 from his account to the credit card. It's hardly rocket science.

If it was a work do, he can claim on expenses?

This is why we have a joint account and another one for disposable income. Would friggen hate someone to try to control me like this. Like I’m a child overseeing my spending

shudder

Same here. None of my business what my colleagues spend their money on, and certainly not their [or their wives'] business to decide it's alright for me to pay, just because I don't have kids.

Didn't realise it is part of my role to stop any of the guys I work with acting like the Big I Am, along with policing their spends.

You can't just claim any random socialising you do with work colleagues on 'expenses'!

You can't Know other people's situation and finances that's so unreasonable and unfair.

However as pp says your OH should pay that £100 from his spending money. It's not on you.

If you can afford it though it's probably not worth falling out over unless he keeps repeating it.

I hope there’s enough left in the budget for you to have a boozy night out at some stage too.

Did you miss this bit? we have another child on the way!!

OP, I can understand your worry and I hope it is a one-off.

He tells me to let it go and he wouldn’t be mad if I did that, but I wouldn’t do it would I because I’m being told weekly to be careful on what I buy that week as I’m being told to stick to a budget so we can put any leftover money to savings/clear our debts.

You're definitely not being unreasonable. What a fucking cheek to go on about you being careful while he spends it up.

Make sure he pays the full £100 out of his personal money.

Do you agree with the budget he has come up with? If not, he's not your boss so you should come to one together.

The money for the meal and drinks needs to come out of his allowance next month, this is NOT a joint expense and the cost should be shouldered by him and him alone

It wasn’t a work outing. They occasionally meet socially out of work so won’t be able to claim anything back, unfortunately!

I think the crux of all of this is that you can either afford for £200 to be spent or you can't. And that is an issue for you to address with your husband, along with whether the budget you have is realistic because if it isn't, this issue will repeat.

I'm at a complete loss as to the relevance of his boss not having children. I can assure you that as the only childless woman in my team I don't feel even the slightest obligation to supplement anyone's extra curricular activities. I'd take umbrage at anybody expecting it too.

Totally not what I’m saying! Her being a single woman without children she can do whatever she can with her own money but there’s a bit more financially responsibility when there is children involved.

Also she is the boss so is paid way more than my Husband.

And back to my point her without children, well Christmas is coming up, if you have children it’s quite an expensive time of year, it’s THE time of year where you tighten your belts and concentrate on the children. That’s why I posted on Mumsnet because I thought there would be other Mums who would understand why I’m a bit bothered considering the financial responsibilities of parents at this time of year.

Thanks, you have summed it up better than I have! I do tend to go off on one and don’t think clearly when I’m annoyed, especially first thing in the morning after a very bad sleep 🙈

We can’t afford it, not by his account anyway always telling me watch what I spend on certain weeks as we’re trying to clear some debt. This is why I’m bothered.

This makes no sense, what’s wrong with you, this was a social event, not a work do, how can you possibly think she should pay for your husband???? Do you expect freebies on your social events?

the question is can you afford it, he has a say here, he thinks he can. You think he can’t. Personally I’d be having a separate account for disposable income to spend as I please if I was him.

is the real issue you just don’t want him to go out?

Thank you for understanding my annoyance!

I’m being reminded to be careful but… doesn’t apply to him!

I do agree with the budget, and I stick to it, so that’s why I get so annoyed! Rules change when it suits..!