To be annoyed by his spending so close to Christmas?

[Gem123J]

I’m a bit annoyed at my husband this morning. He went out for a meal and drinks with his boss and another colleague last night which they do from time to time. But this time he paid for their meal, which he said the meal alone with no drinks was £100. Now I know £100 for a meal for 3 isn’t bad BUT he put it on his credit card which we both are responsible for paying. Also he goes on and on how there is so much on the credit card recently and we’re meant to be on a strict budget to clear the credit card so I mean, why does he think going out for a meal so close to their Christmas party is acceptable, or acceptable to be spending so much money when he always goes on about being on a tight budget!

1. his boss started this whole paying for meals business, surely it’s more acceptable for a boss to pay for meals anyway right?! She’s on much more money anyway and doesn’t have any children or anything.
2. The other colleague only paid for lunch at a cafe so obviously spent quarter of what my husband did.
3. Their Christmas party is in 2 weeks anyway!!
4. Christmas is around the corner and we have a child and lots of family members we still need to buy presents for.
5. The cost of living crisis and the fact that we are worried about things, especially mortgage rates, and the fact we have another child on the way!!
6. My husband was out from 3pm until after 10pm so he probably drank a lot knowing him so the £100 will be more like £200, but he did pay for the drinks himself and not on the credit card

so in my opinion he should have just gone out for drinks rather than a nice meal for everyone. Or just wait until the Christmas party.

We have a joint bank account which our salary goes into and all the bills come out of but we also have private accounts that we have an “allowance” each month. We do have a bit of debt so that’s why we do things this way to keep track on what we spend etc. The debt is manageable, but not ideal if unnecessary (in my opinion!) meals are being put on it! If my husband goes on so much about being strict then surely only emergency things should go on it in my opinion, and a meal is not an emergency!

I was annoyed at him this morning, I told him it was a bit stupid so close to Christmas and so close to their Christmas party anyway. He tells me to let it go and he wouldn’t be mad if I did that, but I wouldn’t do it would I because I’m being told weekly to be careful on what I buy that week as I’m being told to stick to a budget so we can put any leftover money to savings/clear our debts.

A meal with your boss on a Saturday evening? I know you might not want to watch Strictly or Matt Hancock undergoing the wrong sort of trial, but that to me is just getting what HR call work-life balance very wrong.

YANBU even if it had only cost £20, even more so given £100 and the cost of living and Christmas being around the corner.

I totally regret saying about his boss not having children, what I meant is that it’s fine for her to pay for everyone’s food if she wishes, she doesn’t have any financial responsibilities for other people, only herself. And I’m not saying my Husband has to clear it with me what he spends his money on, just that if you have a family, are on a budget, then the family need to be considered.

Sorry OP I think it's unfair to think she should pay because she doesn't have kids?!

She could have care home fees, medical costs, debts from partners, literally anything - being childless or childfree does not automatically mean you have more money!

I don’t think she should pay for my husband. She has in the past, and that’s fine, up to her.

No he doesn’t think he can afford it, because why remind me weekly not to go off budget with groceries etc. Because of debt we’re trying to clear, and a budget HE has set. If we could afford it, fine. He clearly can’t to have to put it on the credit card.

They’ve gone out often so that is certainly NOT the issue. My issue is there is a Christmas party in literally 2 weeks, we are on a budget, Christmas is coming up, why not just stick with the Christmas party and go out after Christmas when finances are better?! That is my issue.

I don’t think she should pay 😥😥😥 she has in the past and that’s fine, her choice. I don’t think my Husband should have paid for the 3 of them so close to Christmas and when he’s telling me to stick to a budget and he puts it on a joint credit card.

Thank you for understanding! The financial part is what’s annoyed me, I don’t think it’s necessary given everything at the moment and what time of year it is!

I don’t understand why his boss didn’t pay for his staff. That’s how it always work in previous jobs.

Ask him to personally pay it off?

Sorry for this misunderstanding I'm not sure you explained it well. The point is he went out with friends and picked up the tab. Right? That's the crux of it. All I can say is he must like them very much to give up family time to do that. If you have joint finances a budget should have been agreed I guess? That's not how we run out home, we both pay into a joint pot, half oour individual earnings and the rest is ours to spend or save however we see fit. I couldn't be scrutinized like that. But if thems the rules then thems the rules.

And back to my point her without children, well Christmas is coming up, if you have children it’s quite an expensive time of year, it’s THE time of year where you tighten your belts and concentrate on the children. That’s why I posted on Mumsnet because I thought there would be other Mums who would understand why I’m a bit bothered considering the financial responsibilities of parents at this time of year.

How do you know what her financial responsibilities are? Just as your husbands work colleagues don't know his. It was his decision to spend the money so maybe concentrate on him rather than assuming that all childless, single people are rolling in it...and actually, even if she is, it doesn't mean she is always responsible for paying for dinner.

It was a social meal, not a work event - no reason why the boss (female in this case) should foot the bill - I would have thought splitting the bill would be fair.

They’re his rules so that’s why I’m annoyed. The budget he set. Picking up the bill on a credit card when he’s telling me to be careful every week and all I do is pop to Asda etc. For extras. I don’t get anything for myself personally.

No clearly didn’t explain it well but trying my best to tidy up my mess!

Yes splitting the bill is fair, in no way I ever thought his boss should foot the bill.

Nope, again you don't know what her responsibilities are. She might be helping it members of her family (as I am), she might have had a massive increase in her mortgage or rent, not to mention all the other rises. Single people get clobbered too and obviously don't have the second wage coming in which provides an element of security in case the worse happens ams you lose your job.

Basically it's one set of rules for him and one for you.

Withdraw what he spent from the joint account and say that's for your personal spends.

Why should the boss have to pay for ever meal just because she is the boss and on more money. It’s fair to take turns. It was his turn and he was clearly happy to do it so close to Xmas.
It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t have kids either. Not sure why you bothered bringing that up… like people without kids should pay more to make up for the fact you have kids!

Tell him to pay the £100 off the credit card from his account. Finished.

I totally understand why you're annoyed. You're having to stick to a budget weekly then he goes and puts £100 on a credit card that he expects you to pay half of when you didn't benefit from it. As others have said, he should pay it all, not you.

On a separate note, about Christmas being an expensive time of year, especially with children. What I do, because as Martin Lewis (or someone) says, Christmas happens every year and should be a planned for event. So work out what you can afford/want to spend on presents and extra food etc, then divide it by 12 and put into a savings account each month so that you're not scrimping/tightening belts in December. I know there's always extra things that come up, like nights out etc. but if you have the main things covered, it puts you in a better position.

Hopefully he'll realise on reflection that he was a bit daft to do what he did when he's always reminding you about the budget and apologise.

That’s not what you said.

surely it’s more acceptable for a boss to pay for meals anyway right?! She’s on much more money anyway and doesn’t have any children or anything

The meal should come out of his allowance, not the joint CC. He needs to pay it off from his own account.

He told you to ‘let it go’ ? Well that shut you down didn’t it. Creeping into abuse territory there.

I understand what you're saying OP.

The boss, who is childfree and on a higher income (and therefore more disposable income) has set the precedent of paying for eachother's meals. In some fields it's normal for the boss to treat their (lower paid) employees, but now DH has been drawn into also paying when he can't really afford it.

I too would resent DH spending more money on a meal for other people, then we can even afford for ourselves!

Me too!

I actually don't have separate finances but my husband lets me spend as I please, ditto him.

Thank you. Totally this. You’ve put it way better than I could!

Same here, but we’re currently on a tight budget trying to clear debt. Otherwise we can spend as we please, when finances allow, currently they do not unfortunately.

If it's work related then surely its Expensed. If not why is he schmoozing with his colleagues on a weekend ??

People without children still have families...

Anyway. You're DH needs to take responsibility for paying this part of the credit card off, rather then joint. He decided to splash the case, he needs to pay up when the cc bill come in.