To apologise to my friend for being fat?

[composingsongsoflove]

I’m meeting a v close friend for lunch on Monday . Travelling three hours to see her - love her to bits . Last met up in July .

I haven’t had a good time of it these last few years, serious mental health issues and my weight’s skyrocketed . I weigh 23 stone . I’m a size 26-28 on bottom, 24-26 on top . I look absolutely awful .

A friend sent me a photo last night and told me I look beautiful. I just see myself as massive . I was bullied in school, and by family, and all I can see is my size and I’m mortified .

I’ve got a top I like, new perfume, make up and I’ll do my hair nice for going out but I’m so embarrassed and keep thinking I should email my friend to say, look I’m still fat, I actually think I’ve gained a little over the summer .

WIBU to apologise for my appearance? I know she would tell me off for even considering it .

Oh ffs learn to take a compliment. If your friend sends a nice message and you reply ‘apologising’ for being fat, aka having an insecure moan, that’s so exhausting to deal with for your friend.

Why on earth can’t you just reply “Thanks! What a nice photo, you look great too.”

The only correct response to a compliment is “thank you” anything else is so tiring to deal with.

I know she would tell me off for even considering it

And so would I. If you were my friend I would love you whatever shape or size you were, whatever colour your hair is, whatever you are wearing and whatever your circumstances are.

The only correct response to a compliment is “thank you” anything else is so tiring to deal with.

Yes. My mum always used to say "smile and say thank you"

@composingsongsoflove have a lovely lunch with your friend.

You are not defined by your weight.

People of all sizes are beautiful.

Any true friend would be horrified by what you've said. Your self esteem sounds like it's on the floor.

If losing weight would make you feel better then you can absolutely do that if you choose, however don't shy away from life in the meantime.

Sending you a big hug.

A bit harsh.

With the detail about her family, it might just be the first compliment the OP’s ever had.

I don’t disagree that the only response to a compliment is ‘thank you’, but the OP obviously does need to ‘learn’ this, so give her a break?

She sees you.she loves you. She sees your size but it’s you therefore it as wk fearful as every other part of you.whatever size you are makes up the part of you as you are now.you you you wonderful you to those who love you.however you come it’s just you.any size,look it doesn’t matter.just you that’s what matters. However. Looking like whatever.
you NEVER EVER need to apologise for your size.
I’m so sorry your struggling though.but I would hate that for you no matter what your weight and if it hadn’t changed at all.as an eating disorder is horrific.

our society manipulates and belittle and is so fcuked up in regards to weight. It has no place with you luv. It is not your worth.
your mental health and thoughts are the problem.that have then led on to turning in on yourself and food. But there are other ways. You can sooth and explain your feelings and pain without taking it out Tom yourself.I promise you.

are you on instagram. Alex light is fantastic.
mand the book you are not a before picture is something I reallly recommend you get your hands on.

OP - weight loss is a mindset.

Have a look at Corrine Crabtree on YouTube - it think she's called the No BS weight loss coach.

I feel better after listening to her, whatever I weight 💕

And back in the real world…

No it’s not a fucking mindset.
here we go mn weight and food tours only end up one direction. Yuk.
and it’s bloody dangerous and irresponsible to tell someone with an Ed to lose weight.
bugger that actually.it’s just not on to tell anyone they should or give advice to to “fix” things

Completely agree with It's not a mindset comment.
That just makes people feel weak. We are over weight/underweight because we are weak. NO!
the poster has a binge disorder, and saying it's in your mind is just going to say 'it's all your fault'. It is not your fault, and good for you for getting help from your Dr.

You could be someone I know. She put on a lot of weight too, but I love her for who she is, for her intelligence and wit, not what weight she is.

I know how you feel @composingsongsoflove I'm slightly heavier than you, a size 26/28 on top and 28/30 bottoms and I'm always very conscious of what people must think of me

It doesn't help that my mum has always been very vocal about my weight, under the guise of worrying about my health, but it has left me wondering, does everyone judge me because of my size...? I'm also embarrassed to go out with my best friend as she's so much smaller than me, even though she has never commented/judged and has known me all my life so knows what I've been through

I'm on the NHS waiting list for weight-loss surgery, and hyper aware that I need to start watching what I'm eating and try to exercise more, but it's so difficult - I think my issues are trauma related (I won't bore you with the details) so losing weight is extremely difficult

Feel free to PM me if you need a chat x

OP YABU to even think you need to apologise. Your friend clearly loves you and your company and is going to be thrilled to get to spend time with you.

Go and enjoy your time with your friend, sounds like you are very deserving of a good time.

You can love someone fat too you no. Love them including and because of their weight😳

I have a friend who is gorgeous inside and out, I don't know what size she is but I went to stay with her and took some photos and she asked me not to put them on SM because she was so fat. Obviously i didn't put them up, but i was so surprised she thought that, one pic in particular was stunning, I just wish I was half as pretty and lovely as she is!

Guess I didn't express myself well, but that's what I was trying to say.

It was perfectly obvious what you meant! Don’t worry - you expressed yourself absolutely fine.

Thank you!

Awww defintiely don’t apologise. Google Ozempic, really works.

Why would it matter to your friend how much you weighed, that you are even contemplating apologising?