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Original poster

To ask you if I should return his money

55 replies

Taylor7000 · 16/11/2022 10:35

A family member who is 19 and is terrible with money, he spends like the money is burning a hole in his pocket buying take aways and unnecessary items, fair enough he’s a teenager, we are pretty close and last month he asked me to hold onto £500 for him and return it in December so that he could buy Xmas presents etc. he told me under no circumstances was i to give it back to him before December no matter what he said.

Well of course he has been asking for it back already and I have refused. I received a cheeky text from his mother this morning (who I am not so close to) calling me a thief and if I don’t return the money she’s calling the police. The money is here all accounted for in the envelope he gave me it in, I certainly did not steal anything.

my mind is saying give it back to him as I don’t need any drama when I was just fulfilling his request but my heart knows that come December he will be stressing out that he has no money for Christmas.

I guess my question is what should I do?

OP posts:
ofwarren · 16/11/2022 10:37

I would just give it back. Its not worth the hassle.

CheeseIsMyPatronus · 16/11/2022 10:37

Reply to his mother that you are following his earlier instruction as a good friend, and will hand over the cash on December 1st as agreed. Then block her number, the rude thing.

Laserbird16 · 16/11/2022 10:37

Give it to his mum and tell her there has been a misunderstanding then nope out of this drama and never do it again

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 16/11/2022 10:37

I wouldn't. And I'd ignore his mum, though mentioning the police is HILARIOUS.

BUT never do this for him again.

brighterthanthemoon · 16/11/2022 10:38

Give it back and tell him you can't be arsed with all this

DowntonCrabby · 16/11/2022 10:38

Give it back and block the mother.

Egarag · 16/11/2022 10:39

Give it back, it’s not worth the aggravation.

Scarydinosaurs · 16/11/2022 10:39

It’s not worth the hassle. You tried to do a good thing - return the money. He needs to learn independence.

Alexandernevermind · 16/11/2022 10:40

To protect yourself, was there something in writing, ie text, telling you to not give him the cash till December? Otherwise just give him the money to save the drama, but save ridiculous police threat texts.

MichelleScarn · 16/11/2022 10:42

Message him to clarify he wants it back, clearly stating this had been his request. If it is, give it back and block both. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished

shiningstar2 · 16/11/2022 10:42

Could you contact him, remind him of what he said to you. Tell him you took him seriously because he wanted your help to stop him spending the money before December. I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that it isn't fair to ask you to do this then involve his mother when you did exactly what he asked.
Finally I would ask him if giving back a hundred pounds until December would work for him. If he said no I would hand the money back and never get involved again.
The only other thing I'm wondering, as he clearly trusted you in the first place, is whether he owes his mother money and she hasn't paid it back and he has said the only money I have is this £500. 🤔

shiningstar2 · 16/11/2022 10:43

He ...not she 😁

OldPhoto · 16/11/2022 10:46

I'd have one final conversation with him about how you've tried to do what he asked and is he sure, then give it to him.

Absolutely don't give it to his mother. I might be tempted to ask for a receipt for it, if things could get nasty, or at least engineer a situation where you have a written acknowledgement that it's been returned.

TheNoonBell · 16/11/2022 10:47

CheeseIsMyPatronus · 16/11/2022 10:37

Reply to his mother that you are following his earlier instruction as a good friend, and will hand over the cash on December 1st as agreed. Then block her number, the rude thing.

This ^

WeepingSomnambulist · 16/11/2022 10:47

Tell his mum to keep her nose out. I wouldn't have time for this shit. I'd be telling her that she did a crap job teaching her child how to manage money and he is now in a situation were he cannot save because he spends all money as soon as he has it. He has realised this about himself, which is progress and she should be supporting him in it. He has asked you to keep the money until he is ready to buy xmas gifts so that's what you will be doing and she should be helping with that rather than threatening to involve the police when nothing criminal has happened.

lanthanum · 16/11/2022 10:50

Remind him of his earlier instruction, but ask whether there's been a change of circumstances that means there's a good reason to override that. Would he like you to hang on to some of it, at any rate?

Of course, if he is desperate for the money now, then when you give it to him in December it will probably still get spent on whatever he was wanting it for and not the presents as originally planned.

RandomPerson42 · 16/11/2022 10:51

Make sure the mother knows what has happened first.

Then return it to him and tell the mother you have returned it.

If the mother knew the situation before the threat then tell him that his mother threatened the police for doing as he had asked and therefore you no longer wish to know either of them.

He’s 19 FFS - an adult, he should not have involved his mother.

I suspect his mother wants some of the money or something.

Mistlefrog · 16/11/2022 10:53

pp have suggested kindger things that may work well and you could explain calmly to her what’s happened.
but I’d be really considering my relationship with both of them
19 year old is old enough to know better than to imply to his mum you stole his money
mum is ridiculous, especially since you’re close enough that her child trusts you with £500, why is she accusing you. Pathetic drama id wanna avoid them both.

Tothemoonandbackx · 16/11/2022 10:55

I'd honestly just reply "Go on then" and leave it there (she won't do it). Her sons a little shit too, involving his mum and getting her to ask for it back, because that's exactly what he's done as you have not given it him back yet, per his request. Tell him to grow up and sort his own financial problems out and to not involve you anymore. I'd be done with both of them.

Kastri · 16/11/2022 11:04

MichelleScarn · 16/11/2022 10:42

Message him to clarify he wants it back, clearly stating this had been his request. If it is, give it back and block both. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished

This is best,cover yourself and dont help him with money ever again.

SirDavidAttenborough · 16/11/2022 11:11

Do you have his wishes in writing - so the give back in December part?

MermaidEyes · 16/11/2022 11:19

He's 19, he needs to start learning to manage his money. I'd hand it back, and honestly, if he's stressing he has no money for Christmas presents it may teach him a valuable lesson. Or not. But still, the only way he'll learn is the hard way.

Whaleandsnail6 · 16/11/2022 11:22

Give it back. Sounds like he's been moaning to his mum that you are refusing to give it back, I'd be pretty hurt at the accusations and wouldn't want to get involved or have the drama.

If come Christmas hes complaining he has spent his money, remind him of this. He's 19,old enough to know that money may need to be saved for various things. He needs to take responsibility

Activelyannoyed · 16/11/2022 11:24

I’d be very hurt by this, I’d send a message to both saying so explaining what was said by him and telling him to come get his money. I’d then end the relationship. With both of them,

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 16/11/2022 11:28

DowntonCrabby · 16/11/2022 10:38

Give it back and block the mother.

This ^^

Cheeky cow!

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