To tell his children mum I'm pregnant?

[lejihit641]

Me and partner have been together for 18 months, I'm 16 weeks pregnant, baby was unplanned but we're happy.

He has a 2 year old with her, they split whilst she was pregnant. He is involved and sees his DD every Saturday.

He has said he doesn't want his ex knowing about the pregnancy as she'll stop him seeing his DD, but I think she should know now instead of finding out just before I give birth and she causes arguments etc.

AIBU?

I don't think it's your place to tell her and you're going to cause problems with your dp and yourself.

What I would say is tell DP to get a court order and access to his DD so ex can't stop her seeing him and then take it from there.

Oh and congratulations

You got together when his baby was six months old and you're now four months pregnant.

He's afraid of telling his ex, because it will cause a rift.

I think you have enough problems coming your way, so best to stay clear of his ex and leave him to sort all that out.

It would be better for her to hear it from your partner rather than secondhand from his DD. If contact is being withheld formalise it with a court order.

I wouldn’t tell her but would want him too. He will presumably be preparing dc1 for new half sibling, you can’t just spring a baby on her one Saturday. He needs to formally agree contact. Does he have parental responsibility for baby 1 (is he on the birth certificate?)

He needs to go to court and get access sorted asap, big red flags everywhere I have to say if he thinks she’s going to kick if on you feign pregnant you have a tough road ahead so he needs to get everything locked away for you, his DD and the new baby

I’m guessing he doesn’t want his ex to know, not because it’ll cause a rift, but because it’s likely to bring out some truths that he wanted to keep from you.

One day a week. Sounds very involved.

injecting yourself into their relationship is going to make this situation worse.

If she tries to interfere with the relationship between father and child then he needs to go to court and get formal access. That shouldn’t be especially difficult and while some residential parents will refuse to cooperate with court orders he can deal with that if it happens.

She should know, but not urgently.

Your DP should tell her, I don’t think you should.

As others have said, you may have a lot of other problems coming your way without beginning trouble on your accord.

Think about your motivation. Do you want to tell her because it's letting her know that you are now number one and you and your baby will be his main motivation and that she and her baby are now second place.

Tread carefully. For one thing, as he impregnated you when his first child was a mere six months, I imagine that in a year or so, you will just be baby mama number two while another poor sap comes first in the race to secure the glittering prize that is this man.

I think it's his choice when he tells her.

It's also understandable that he is treading carefully given the closeness of the pregnancies.

He is involved and sees his DD every Saturday.

Lol... why is your bar so low?

But to answer your question, he's being stupid keeping it from her, but it's also not your place to tell her. Let him handle his other baby mama.

And good luck!

He sees his child one a day week, however does he manage? Father of the Year. 🙄

Well he doesn't sound like great father material seeing his existing child only once a week.
Does he pay child support to his ex and will that be reduced after your DC is born?
That's just one reason he should tell her but also out of courtesy in a respectful co parenting relationship.

I fear that @Slanty may be right.

Whatever you do, give the child your surname.

Lovely. his childs isn't yet 3 and he's having a baby with another woman.
Where are your standards?

It’s not your child or ex, it’s his, so it’s not up to you. Seeing your own child ‘every Saturday’ isn’t being involved by the way, it’s doing as little as possible.

but I think she should know now instead of finding out just before I give birth and she causes arguments etc.

If she wants to cause arguments and shit she will.

Regardless it is NOT your job to tell her or have absolutely any communication with her at this point in time. Leave her well alone.

It is his job to tell her.

When should he tell her? When he tells their child. Their child is 2 so the child won't be told until a month or so before you give birth.

Oh and when he moves on to his next woman, so both of you have little ones from him, wait until your child is 5 before you contact her directly so both children can see each other.

"they split while she was pregnant."

Would a more accurate rephrasing be - "he dumped her while she was pregnant?"

She can't "stop him seeing his DD". This is just a bullshit line these types of men trot out, when they know full well about parental responsibility. Get him to go to court and fix access, then it's not a problem. I bet he won't do it though. The type of guys who pops out kids at lightning speed with different women won't ever be bothered to go through court or put anything formal in place. They love to feed off the drama with their exes and continue to have dysfunctional relationships and more kids.

I wouldn’t bother telling her, she will ruin your pregnancy with her bitching.

we didn’t tell my OH ex when I was pregnant. She found out from someone that knew us on a night out about a week after I gave birth.

It was bliss, she was so mad she stopped talking to him for a month. Didn’t have to deal with any of her bullshit.

It’s absolutely none of your business. I’d focus instead on making sure your finances are secure and you’re prepared for single parenthood because the sort of man who’ll dump his pregnant girlfriend once will do it again, whatever bullshit story he told you about how it wasn’t his fault/pregnancy changed her/she neglected him etc.

I think you should mind your own business to be honest. He needs to tell her himself.

Didn’t your Dp tell his children they were having a half sibling? There may be no relationship between you and ex girlfriend/wife but the children need telling and preparing.