To tell his children mum I'm pregnant?

[lejihit641]

Me and partner have been together for 18 months, I'm 16 weeks pregnant, baby was unplanned but we're happy.

He has a 2 year old with her, they split whilst she was pregnant. He is involved and sees his DD every Saturday.

He has said he doesn't want his ex knowing about the pregnancy as she'll stop him seeing his DD, but I think she should know now instead of finding out just before I give birth and she causes arguments etc.

AIBU?

It’s pretty shitty if her maintenance goes down and she has to ask why and it’s because he’s had another baby and not told her. Primary carer suddenly losing income will impact dc1. Obviously not relevant if he’s carrying on paying same amount.

My DS has grandparents that see him more than your BF sees his daughter. Every Saturday is not being involved. He should tell her. Otherwise, the 3 year old will start talking about my little brother or sister and that really will cause shit. But if you do it you will be accused of stirring.

She was 2 at the time so didn’t need much ‘preparing’. She adapted perfectly fine.

So the baby was just there next time she visited her dad? Surely she told her mum and it would have been very confusing for her. Even with little ones you explain in terms they understand, there are children’s books. I think that shows a real lack of consideration for dc1 by your boyfriend/husband.

If he's afraid she will do this then he should go to court for a child arrangement order whereby proper arrangements can be formalised.
On what grounds do you think his ex should stop her DD having a relationship with his father?
And one day a week isn't really involved, is it. A day of fun I imagine.

Well yes her sister was there on her next visit after I gave birth and no she wasn’t confused. She didn’t put much thought into it being so young, she was over the moon and just sat next to her sister holding her hand.

Im sure she spoke about it to her mum when she went back there but I can’t control her mum. Like I said above, she found out when she was on a night out so she already knew when sending her daughter over.

Oh lord... What's that saying... Someone is right now with your ex and believes they're lucky.

Don't say anything to her OP, not your place. But I do hope he doesn't walk out on you like he did her. Takes some prize to do that.

When your own baby is here you'll realise just how involved one day a week is, by the way.

It sounds as if many people have lost sight of what good & wholesome means. Simply put; a man that walks out of a woman who is pregnant with his baby is a bad man, not good 'family man' material.

Yeah YABU and you know it. Not your child, not your ex, not your place. I’d be strongly reconsidering having a child with him though and running a mile while I still could.

Men like this make me wish enforced contraception was ethical.

Good luck op, sounds like you and your child have quite a journey ahead of you

That is appalling parenting and lack of consideration to that poor toddler. I'm sad for her.

You carry on being sad. She’s nearly 15 now, still comes over and still loves her sister and also the brother she now has too 😂

Literally...

The 2 year old will say something. And if he is going to reduce her maintenance then its polite to let her know at least a month in advance. Maybe wait until you've got past 20 weeks. Presumably he will tell the 2 year old - that's a good time for him to text mum and let her know too.

Its not for you to tell her. He needs to. He should be letting her know that her child will have a half sibling and her maintenance will reduce.

PotentiallyPolly · Today 15:36
Yeah YABU and you know it. Not your child, not your ex, not your place. I’d be strongly reconsidering having a child with him though and running a mile while I still could.

Me too. I might have felt differently when I was 20 or under, had little judgement then. I don't know how old the op is.

Kudos to her mom ✅

Her mum needs to be in the looney bin but whatever you say 😂

Real charmers, you and your partner...

That was for @FreakyFrie

Would you be happy with him being as involved in your DC as he is with his DC at the minute?

Because he sounds shit

All because I didn’t want my pregnancy ruined by someone else😂

I mean you know what works for you and your family so I'd ignore them

It's absolutely not your place to contact the ex.
I'd be more concerned about the type of man you are having a child with, as he really isn't sounding like Father of the Year to his first DC.

She needs to be told but you can't tell her. You put your energies into making sure you and your child will be OK if he does the same to you