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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated at my childminders comments on my sons food?

60 replies

Giraffle · 14/11/2022 12:33

For context we’ve had this childminder since my first son was 18 months old, he’s now three and she also has my 10 month old since he was 6 months. She has been amazing and has also been a rock for me through PND this year. However…

my 10 month old I have been sending with a puree pouch, some snacky foods from Ella’s kitchen and a yogurt for his lunch. He didn’t take well to baby led weaning at all despite having 6 teeth from 6 months old and so we decided to ease him into finger foods and others through this way.

childminder mentioned she would like us to send a banana with him as she felt he was having a lot of processed foods. I was happy to do this but did explain he has home cooked meals of an evening. No issue though and started to send him with one.

Now the last few weeks he hasn’t eaten it, it’s not been opened. So it’s just going back and forth for show. (Not the same banana haha) he won’t eat other soft fruits like berries at all, and hasn’t been keen on banana either. So last week we didn’t send him with one. And she made a comment to “remind us” to send it and he needs to not eat so much processed foods.

i feel judged, despite explaining he has home cooked at home. She’s making it sound like we’re sending him with a bottle of coke and watsits!! Im also frustrated at the fact he’s my son and if that’s what I want to feed him, I will do so. Though I understand she has to give advice, being so judgey has just really made me annoyed.

She is also doing an MLM company job on the side which she has tried weekly to get me to join or buy products from and although I’m all for supporting friends and family I will not do it through that method.

anyway, AIBU to think this is unprofessional?

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/11/2022 12:36

I really dont understand this, is she expecting him to open it himself? Confused

OnlyFannys · 14/11/2022 12:36

Have you asked why she keeps sending it back? I think you need to push back if she isnt feeding it to him.
When my DS was with a childminder they provided all his food, I didn't realise that some expect you to supply your own

MightyAtlantic · 14/11/2022 12:38

Childminder: Don't forget to send a banana!
You: Oh we've stopped because he wasn't eating it. You can give him what's in his lunchbox, thanks.

Simple as that!

OnlyFannys · 14/11/2022 12:38

You could start sending a plastic one in and see how quickly she cottons on

SadieMai · 14/11/2022 12:39

Surely she should just respect that what you send is what you are happy for him to eat!

CasperGutman · 14/11/2022 12:39

It does seem a bit odd for the cm to insist on a banana being sent but then not to peel it and offer it to your son. Perhaps she would appreciate daily reminders whenever a banana is returned unopened.

OverCCCs · 14/11/2022 12:39

Maybe she’s worried he’ll get the taste for processed foods with all the artificial sugars and natural foods such as fruits won’t be as appealing to him.

Could she be leaving the banana in his pack to make a point the processed foods are ruining his palate or something? Because I agree with PP he won’t be able to open it on his own!

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 14/11/2022 12:40

This doesn’t make sense? Surely it would
be peeled and thrown away if not eaten?

donttellmehesalive · 14/11/2022 12:40

Is there something else you could send instead, that isn't processed?

I know you shouldn't have to but assuming she has the child's best interests at heart, just drop the banana and send another item that isn't processed.

Whataretheodds · 14/11/2022 12:41

The MLM thing isn't relevant to the banana.

donttellmehesalive · 14/11/2022 12:43

Just make it clear that you're not interested in the mlm thing.

It sounds like you're feeling defensive and looking for faults.

KettrickenSmiled · 14/11/2022 12:43

So last week we didn’t send him with one. And she made a comment to “remind us” to send it and he needs to not eat so much processed foods.
So send a comment back to say NO because it is pointless sending a piece of fruit that doesn't ever get eaten.
Job done.
Don't waste any time thinking about her opinions.

As to the MLM bullshit - "no thanks, I don't support MLM businesses, so I'd like you to stop sending me any updates or tags about it."

Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2022 12:44

@Whataretheodds

apologies my last bit got cut out, i made reference to this as she’s doing it whilst looking after the kids, which I don’t have an issue with however I wonder if that’s why it’s not even being opened, ie it’s easier to give him the puree and stuff I send anyway. That’s why I linked it sorry it got confused! The rest of the children are over 2.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 14/11/2022 12:44

If the banana is in his lunchbox then she should be encouraging him to try it.

Do you have a diary for communicating? I'd put a note in it saying the banana is in his lunchbox, let me know how he gets on eating it.

She might be covering her back for an Ofsted inspection asking her what she's doing to encourage healthy eating. Ofsted won't care that he has a home cooked meal in the evening, they'll ask your childminder to prove what she's doing. That said, a travelling banana, still isn't particularly helpful....

KettrickenSmiled · 14/11/2022 12:44

CasperGutman · 14/11/2022 12:39

It does seem a bit odd for the cm to insist on a banana being sent but then not to peel it and offer it to your son. Perhaps she would appreciate daily reminders whenever a banana is returned unopened.

😂😂😂

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 14/11/2022 12:46

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 14/11/2022 12:40

This doesn’t make sense? Surely it would
be peeled and thrown away if not eaten?

Yes!!! What is she playing at not even offering it to him?!!!

Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2022 12:46

@donttellmehesalive

i can’t find anything he likes that doesn’t require warming up or cooking. Which is why I keep that to mealtimes at home and the purées for lunch.

OP posts:
nottodaytomorrow · 14/11/2022 12:47

If he is eating home cooked food of an evening surely you would make extra/ save a portion for him to take the next day for lunch! Those pouches and snacks are just junk food really. Your childminder is probably just trying to guide and promote healthy eating in the setting.

Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2022 12:52

@nottodaytomorrow all requires warming up, the pouches don’t. That’s the issue, she’s usually out and about so i try to make it easy for her and she can’t have things that require being warmed.

OP posts:
daffodilandtulip · 14/11/2022 12:52

Ofsted are very strict with childminders regarding both the children's diet, dental hygiene and not doing things for them - much much more so than they are with a nursery setting. Childminders get downgraded on things like this alone, even if their education/activities etc is perfect.

nottodaytomorrow · 14/11/2022 12:54

daffodilandtulip · 14/11/2022 12:52

Ofsted are very strict with childminders regarding both the children's diet, dental hygiene and not doing things for them - much much more so than they are with a nursery setting. Childminders get downgraded on things like this alone, even if their education/activities etc is perfect.

Yep 👍🏼

ChristmasCakeAndStilton · 14/11/2022 12:56

Put a (greenish) banana in on Monday morning. Covert into banana muffin or freeze it for icecream on a Friday evening.
Child minder happy, and for the sake of 20p, I'd have a sacrificial banana each week.

KitchenSupper · 14/11/2022 12:57

Could you just say that there seems to be some confusion about the banana as when you do provide it she isn’t giving it to him. And then go from there.
If you are giving pouches to be considerate of her she isn’t appreciating it so give something else.

Wheatandchaff · 14/11/2022 12:57

The only thing I will say is that you don’t stop offering children foods. Having the banana (and other foods) means it can continued to be offered and refused or accepted. That’s how we widen our childrens diets. They get exposed to foods and then they decide to eat or not eat.

Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2022 12:59

@Wheatandchaff he does get offered them just at home :)

OP posts: