To be frustrated at my childminders comments on my sons food?

[Giraffle]

For context we’ve had this childminder since my first son was 18 months old, he’s now three and she also has my 10 month old since he was 6 months. She has been amazing and has also been a rock for me through PND this year. However…

my 10 month old I have been sending with a puree pouch, some snacky foods from Ella’s kitchen and a yogurt for his lunch. He didn’t take well to baby led weaning at all despite having 6 teeth from 6 months old and so we decided to ease him into finger foods and others through this way.

childminder mentioned she would like us to send a banana with him as she felt he was having a lot of processed foods. I was happy to do this but did explain he has home cooked meals of an evening. No issue though and started to send him with one.

Now the last few weeks he hasn’t eaten it, it’s not been opened. So it’s just going back and forth for show. (Not the same banana haha) he won’t eat other soft fruits like berries at all, and hasn’t been keen on banana either. So last week we didn’t send him with one. And she made a comment to “remind us” to send it and he needs to not eat so much processed foods.

i feel judged, despite explaining he has home cooked at home. She’s making it sound like we’re sending him with a bottle of coke and watsits!! Im also frustrated at the fact he’s my son and if that’s what I want to feed him, I will do so. Though I understand she has to give advice, being so judgey has just really made me annoyed.

She is also doing an MLM company job on the side which she has tried weekly to get me to join or buy products from and although I’m all for supporting friends and family I will not do it through that method.

anyway, AIBU to think this is unprofessional?

You need to ask what the point of sending a banana if she's not giving him it. Then go from there. Is it just for show

Why have you not actually asked her why she keeps sending it back unopened?

@daffodilandtulip i didn’t know this, thank you for the insight. That does help. Would you have any suggestions on what I could make him that ofsted would be happy with for her? I’m trying my best and home cooked meals is easy for me, lunch time meals that don’t require heating is a lot harder I find and I’m struggling with what would be a sufficient lunch that he would actually eat. Bread terrifies me unless it’s toasted as my son choked and went blue at 1 year old due to bread getting stuck in his windpipe. Maybe I could send both a “proper food” lunch and purée and then at least it’s a back up I guess.

@ChristmasCakeAndStilton that’s really helpful suggestion, thank you!

Yes, you need to ask her why she isn't giving him the banana when you send it, that just seems odd. I also think you should mix it up with different fruits and veg, not always the same one.

And the rules are you have to send a packed lunch, but it has to be something that can be eaten cold? Perhaps you could ask her for suggestions based on things the other kids she cares for are enjoying?

I do think at 10 months it's important to keep trying your baby on new textures and not over-rely on purees.

I’d ask her why she isn’t even offering him the banana? Seems odd to request it then do nothing with it.

Equally I wouldn’t be feeding pouches every day. Can you try finger food - plain pasta, cucumber, sandwich fingers, different veg and fruits? The only was he will ever eat them is if you keep trying! If you never offer, he’s never going to eat them

I’d really recommend having a look at solid starts if you are nervous about choking. Evidence shows that the longer babies are given purées the more likely they are to choke as they don’t learn the necessary chewing skills.

solidstarts.com/foods/bread/ shows how to safely serve food at each age, it’s a great reseouce!

Bread cut up into small pieces that it isn't possible to choke on?
Some pancakes are lovely without needing reheating..
Same with cold pasta..
Rice cakes? Oat cakes? Hummus?
Cheese? Bits of cooked chicken or beef? Tinned fish?
Trying to think of everything I use that doesn't need warming up!!

Will he not eat a sandwich, crisps etc? I can imagine the pouches aren't the most filling option, and it all sounds a bit sweet.
But I'd definitely stop giving him a banana and tell her that it's not getting eaten, so you're not wasting your money anymore!

You said he's 3, how far off from 4 is he as he really should be eating 'proper' food Ny now, not pouches.

No that’s the older child - she’s talking about her 10-month old

You could slice fruit such as melon, plums etc. You could also send (some obv par boiled while he's little) veg such as carrot sticks, sweet potato, broccoli, mini sweetcorn. Even a few cooked peas can be snacked on cold if they're out. Slices of cheese maybe?

What do the other kids eat? Can’t she just give him a variation on their food if she provides it?

My DS very briefly had a babysitter when he was about 9 months who was quite old school and didn’t want any baby led weaning type food (DS was fine with that stuff). I made up some sweet potato mash and put it in a little pot and he loved it and she was happy with feeding him that. It was probably served cold.

Pressed send to early! Those were the snack ideas.
For meals, pasta with a few chopped tomatoes or purée mixed in with some veg can be eaten cold.
I understand your worry re choking but wholemeal bread or things like pitta bread are better for this. Soft/white bread can get claggy and be easier to choke on.

Sorry, got my wires crossed somewhere!
At 10 months they're not really eating for sustenance, it's about learning how food feels and tastes. I'd stick to what you're giving. You could add some crispy puff things, to vary it but I wouldn't be wasting money on sending in food they're not interested in yet! Why not ask the childminder what the other children at a similar age eat?

What sort of things do you cook for him? My DCs always had their leftovers cold and were very happy with that.

Buy a small thermos flask and put hot food in there in the morning for him to eat at lunchtime. I used to do that every day when mine were in nursery as they didn't like cold food or sandwiches. 10 months old is too old to be eating pureed food out of a pouch.

Wow thank you all so much for your suggestions! I’ll give these a go with him. A lot of my baby food books are mostly hot food so this really helps!

If it's warm home cooked food your DS is happy eating then send that- I have wee ones I look after often come with soup, stews, warm pasta & it's easy to feed them even out & about. Get a food flask & if you put food in scalding hot it will be perfect temp to give them at lunch. I always tell parents its better to send something you know they'll eat. Banana issue is ridiculous going back & forward but could try sending some other fruits you know he'll eat or try.
're processed stuff, it's probably cos Checking the amount of sugar in these is a bit thing just now & if everything in his Lunch is processed then there will belot of sugar - even in stuff aimed at toddlers e.g. some of the healthy cereal bars have more sugar than a full sugared doughnut, which most wouldn't give a tot. But she could be a lot more diplomatic about that!
The MLM - be firm & say you're not interested thanks.

@MarianneVos

alot of the Anabel Karmel recipes and What Mummy Makes. It’s more he barely eats it if it’s warm, and completely refused when it’s cold/room temp. My first boy ate everything and anything and a lot of it, my second is the total opposite, super fussy and doesn’t like a lot haha

You could give pasta, rice or cous cous with
avocado
peas
sweetcorn
tomato
cucumber
salmon/white fish
chicken/pork/beef pieces or lentils
cooked broccoli/cauliflower/courgette
hard boiled eggs
rice cakes/ corn cakes/ chapatti/ pitta/ toast

Lots of things you can mix and match, and many can be as finger foods too

Just send stuff to be warmed up then?

Toast the bread for a sandwich if your not comfortable with bread there is nothing wrong with that my kids have eaten cold pizza at the childminders before due to a miscommunication (I thought they were in for tea they were out)

You can get a short / wide thermos that has an opening big enough for pasta / stews / shepherds pie etc etc. If you pre heat it with boiled water, it’ll keep food easily hot enough for lunchtime. You’ll use it for years and years with dinner in the back of the car on the way to / from swimming or whatever that makes them so starving they have to eat immediately! Great investment.

Surely the whole point of you sending food with your child rather than her providing (and charging for) it is that you decide what to send? The bananas going back and forth is stupid and wasteful. I wonder, is she expecting some kind of inspection soon?

Hassling you with MLM stuff weekly is unprofessional.