Not wanting random people touching my child

[RiceRiceBaby16]

It honestly happens every.single.fucking.time we go anywhere. I've got a one year old. Ever since he's been born, when we go somewhere, shops etc, at least one person ends up touching or nearly touching him (if I manage to move him in time). AIBU to think it's inappropriate and rude. Germs and all aside, I don't even know you! I'm also genuinely concerned about people's perception about boundaries.
Or is this a normal British thing? Im not British but have lived here a while.
The problem is that I also struggle to say NO a lot of the time and find it awkward to tell someone please don't touch him. Especially if it's a person at a till who we might see Eve try other day when shopping.
I need to learn to protect my sons boundaries and be an example for
Him so he doesn't grow up thinking any stranger can just walk up to him and touch him. Any advice?
I really really wish I was more strict if that's the word. How can you be kind / not awkward but still enforce your boundaries?

@MollieMarie wow what an unaware comment. They certainly are not. I do hope many are, but many are also not. People just don't want to speak about it much. I've know men who have said- I don't like it when that guys keeps putting his arm around my
Shoulder, pushing me and messing about (perhaps in a party environment). But nobody usually says anything even if they feel uncomfortable. Also victims of abuse. Not everyone can say no or move away

Perhaps. I won't deny this or argue it as it's something for me to think about.

You understand if you've experienced it, right? We do need to stand up more for ourselves and our kids and this is what I'm trying to do.

Mixed race children here. Its never happened in the uk, but numerous times abroad on holiday. My kids can't have been cute enough.

My first reaction was to think the OP was being OTT. But- when I think back to when my daughter was a tiny baby, I remember hating it when parents would allow older children or toddlers would touch her. I can’t remember adults wanting to touch her but that is probably specific to certain areas. I think it must be something instinctive, we are naturally geared to want to protect our babies which is fair enough!

I'm with you OP. It's only happened once to my 6 month old. The man of a grandparent aged couple touched his hand, which seconds before had been in his mouth and would be again, as babies do. That was about germs for me, but also about personal space. I don't go up and touch random people, why is it ok to do it to a baby?! I was so surprised I didn't say anything but even the man's wife looked a bit surprised. He then tried to touch his cheek a few moments later but I was able to quickly turn my body (baby was in sling) and his finger fell down. I hope he realised it was unwanted then!
Hated people touching or commenting on the bump when I was pregnant too.
I think it's such entitled behaviour to assume that another person is happy with being touched. It's rude to do it to an adult unless you know them very well and I think the same respect should apply to babies and children.

Oh and my baby is white, and the touching man was white, if that makes a difference as some posters are discussing that it might!

Again very well said. Let's respect each others personal space which should apply
To adults, and babies/ kids too...

It clearly happens whatever the race.
But I do think perhaps the area might have an impact going by what others have said. Even as an adult myself I feel like people mind their business and respect personal space a bit more in London, having lived there for a number of years. Newish to Kent and this small town.

DS is mixed race. We've definitely had some very focused comments about his 'lovely skin colour'!

It's like some people don't see babies as real people, but just cute dolls for everyone to have a go on. It's quite sad.

This thread is baffling. I have two
children -- 4 and 1 — and I can’t think of a single time a stranger has tried to touch either of them. Talked to or smiled at them, yes, but no touching. Lots of people seem to be saying the same thing yet the OP has come back to say the replies suggest this is normal here.

Yeah my one year old son has strawberry blonde hair and he got a lot of pats on the head by random people when we went to Italy and Spain. I thought it was quite sweet but my husband didn't like it. Son enjoyed the attention 😂

Maybe you should have him electrified OP. That'd teach the friendly, yet boundary-ignoring bastards

Someone moved my DS1 fingers in a trolley a few days ago so that they didn't get squashed if we bumped into something (I was grateful) and people we don't know hold his hand fairly often. I like it. It's a positive interaction with a stranger for him and the very beginning of developing social skills. I think its nice when people smile at him or shake his hand, it's nice to spread a bit of the happiness that he brings into our lives around and some people just love babies.

If you really hate it, console yourself by remembering that anyone who dares touch a toddler is running the risk of catching whatever snotty, gross virus of the week they have and will almost certainly end up with conjunctivitis or an unexplained rash. Maybe they'll think twice next time!

Thank you for that quote! It's quite eye opening to read and explains what I feel about my son in a far more articulate way than I am able to write.

@Sugarplumfairy65 I'm sure your kids are very cute. Somebody rightly pointed out to me that it could be area-specific, too, and we live in a predominantly White area so I think that has a part in play in our experiences.

Chances are, he'll benefit from having a lovely, relaxed mum like you too

I can see why it's annoying. I would hate for someone to touch me but I'm not a cute little baby so thankful nobody does. It has happened once or twice with my LO but it's really not something that I can allow myself to get too worked up over. If necessary I clean my child's hand after etc (I know you say it's not about the germs).
I also don't think people will think "oh best not touch this baby in case they get upset" because that probably doesn't happen often. Someone touching your babies head upsets them and makes them cry then I think your baby could actually do with more socialising and getting used to others. You will end up projecting your social angst on to your child and that's another reason why I don't make a deal. I want to model to my child that some things we just let go and don't get annoyed/pissed off by every little thing - stick up for self when necessary, let little things go and be the bigger person. But..... that depends on how each individual wants to raise their child I suppose

So you are discounting mine, my DP, our 4 year old DD's and our friends' experiences because they don't tally with yours?

"Sorry my son's a bit shy and doesn't enjoy being touched by people he's not familiar with" would suffice.

It's a baby/toddler thing and people will show markedly less interest once he reaches 4/5. It doesn't upset me, so long as the child isn't unhappy, at which they should leave the child alone. I think you're at the far end of the spectrum regards to no touching and personal boundaries.

It didn't bother my daughter when she was a baby/toddler. However she's very sociable and tactile as well as confident interacting with strangers. She's more than capable of asserting her boundaries. That's a confidence issue and no touching/interacting doesn't address that, it just avoids the issue.

Which parts of London do you think being mixed-race would be “unusual” in though?

We live in one of the more stereotypically white areas (v. Expensive stockbroker belt) but even here it’s not even vaguely unusual.

I just can’t think of anywhere inside the M25 where it would be unusual enough to be noticed.

I haven't read every post so apologies if I'm being repetitive-

Part of the reason your son is distressed is because you are. He's picking up on your anxiety. Depending on their age and stage, babies are generally interested and curious about new people, rather than wary.

I had a particularly beautiful little boy and would get stopped in the street by people clucking about him, shaking his little hand and so on.

I've been unnerved by people being overly confident and interfering with him, and understand your concern. You are in a vicious circle where his anxiety around strangers is fed by yours and yours by his.

While they are very small, they need to believe the world is safe. It's important to well-being.

I guess your child doesn't have blond or red hair (or hair that goes blond or red).

My child and my friends' children has been touched in both North and South London in places were there are plenty of mixed ethnicity children.

Ive been a childminder for 12 years, and I have never had a stranger try to touch one of my children!

Well then it’s the hair colour then not your child being mixed race my kids have black Afro hair and I’ve lived in both south and west London and have never experienced anyone batting an eye lid; im actually mixed race myself but I am fair skinned and so are my siblings and their children, this hasn’t happened to any of us.