To not want my personal financial affairs to be pored over by randoms?

[MxGrinch]

i am looking into getting DC into a private school as he is way too clever for his state school.

I knew of one in the next county and discovered they had academic scholarships for Yr9 entry. Had to register with them (non returnable £100 fee! we are a low income family) and arrange for DC to take the entrance test and scholarship assessments which he’ll be doing next month.

I’m obviously nowhere near as clever as DS as I thought a scholarship meant the fees would be paid! It seems they are only 10-20% paid so we will need to apply for a bursary.

I was sent the application form last week and need to return it tomorrow.

They want so much personal information such as 3 months bank statements, full income and expenditures, children’s income and expenditure. debts, car reg and value etc.it’s really flipping complicated and will take ages.

I know they need to assess whether we can afford the fees but seeing as there is no guarantee DC will even pass the entrance test, this is not information I want to share at this point as it may not go any further.

Theg have said if we don’t return it by tomorrow DC may not get a bursary at all.

AIBU to not want to give loads of private info until DS is actually offered a place?

@MxGrinch - if he is bored going into school and doesn't engage or ask for more things to read / do - good luck to him in an Oxbridge interview, . That I think is true but see my point above if he is clever and interested , then speak to his teachers about further learning he can do. I do think 2 years before GCSE is a bit early to be thinking about Cambridge. Lovely as a thing to aim for but what he should be doing ( for any good university ) is finding lots of things he can read or do on his own

OP - Have you spoken to his teachers at his current school? It is a teacher's job to differentiate for learners in the class. If your child is super intelligent, they should be providing work that is challenging him.

If I were in your shoes, I would fill out these forms anyway for this private school. Yes, it may seem very invasive - but the school will want to check if your circumstances warrant a scholarship. Don't be embarrassed about your financial situation - just be honest with them.

I would speak to DC's current school though and tell them your concerns. If nothing improves, look for a better school in your area.

Do you know if the bursary will be 100% and cover other aspects such as uniform, supplies, trips etc?

Might be a moot point if you can’t afford the extras anyway, or the bursary isn’t 100%

They are in depth because unfortunately some people have abused it before.

The OP is getting a tough time for the too clever comment but if the curriculum isn't challenging enough for them then a child will get bored. Private school often has additional more challenging subjects including Latin.
DH attended private school for the very same reason it was his school which suggested it as he would finish the work quickly and be bored.

Where I did say he doesn’t engage or ask for more things to do? I’ve already said he did GCSE papers at home, got grade 9s on them and took them in to show his teachers.

He built his own gaming PC from scratch a few weeks ago, in two hours, totally on his own. DS1 who is away at Uni was going to come home to help him but DS3 couldn’t wait. He told me what bits to order and just got me to hold some wires. Even DS1 was shocked that he did it and it worked perfectly as he needed his mates to help him build his and he was about 18.

He’s also taught himself about nuclear fusion/fission at age 9/10. genetics, and loads of other science stuff and writes a lot of code where stuff pops up, animation etc for fun. Recently diagnosed Type 1 diabetic as well and took over management from the start. Doesn’t want me fussing! Took it in his stride and is very matter of fact about it. One of the other reasons I’d like to get him in a private school is for the pastoral care.

Done the form now!

@MxGrinch Sorry - he is clearly doing things - I did not mean to say otherwise just saw the bored comment . Frankly I would have been bored with holding wires but just me :)

I wish you and he well however it works out

Basilisk

The parts for a gaming pc are ££££

If the school doesn't happen, are you looking into university outreach programmes? Looks like Oxford has competitions, and lots of digital resources, Imperial does summer schools etc.

That seems a fair summary.

If he is as clever as you say than why are you worried about him passing the entrance test? Surely he is going to pass so it matters not if you provide the info now or after the test? Much a do about nothing?

Yep, they really are eye watering. £2000 minimum. If you’re lucky.

The bursary stuff is very intrusive, but the potential pay back is significant and they aren’t allowed to use the information for anything you haven’t agreed to. I would swallow that discomfort and go for it anyway. Getting into the schools is competitive, getting the funds is too and you don’t want to come across as a difficult parent before he’s even offered a place. I have a cousin who was on a scholarship and a bursary at a top public school. Her family had to justify their expenditures every year. They are independent contractors and travel for work. So they often take the kids with them in the holidays as it’s cheaper than paying for childcare, and every year they have to prove that they travelled for work and it wasn’t a holiday. My SiL found it quite distressing as bursar nalways seemed skeptical, and they had to argue every year. But they got it sorted each time and it was a fantastic education. Daughter is now at Cambridge.

I’m sorry you’re getting so much stick on here from people offended by you saying he’s too clever for your state school - it’s unfortunately the case that a lot of state schools aren’t that good with people who are very far outside the norm. Lots of schools never get anyone into Oxbridge and it isn’t because they’ve never had anyone who could be capable. Some schools don’t cover the right subjects (Modern Foreign Languages and science can be poorly covered or not offered fully, and science and maths can be staffed by poorly qualified staff). Many schools do well, but there are plenty that aren’t able, especially with recent budget strains, to maintain an adequate teaching staff or aren’t prepared to focus resources on high achievers. (Of course plenty of those schools won’t be doing a great job with average achievers or low achievers either, but being unsuitable for all kids doesn’t make them suitable for your son).

All the best, hope he does well OP.

But he's so clever!

Yes but surely you realise WHY they're asking?!

One of my children has a much higher than average academic ability (or whatever you're supposed to call it). He goes to a normal secondary and is doing fine there.

I would absolutely not consider sending him to a private school even if he passed the threshold for financial assistance. I've seen this pan out with other people and it's been a real struggle as previous posters have mentioned. You can't afford the lifestyle and additional costs involved in private school it really is as simple as that.

Do you have a local grammar you could apply to?

Agree. I experienced comprehensive, grammar and boarding and have friends from some very grand public schools. Cleverest people I ever met bar non were at the top end of the grammar school and received unconditional Oxbridge offers. Some very clever kids at the comp I briefly attended too but tuition was significantly less academically driven than the grammar.

Parents like you are the reason there’s a divide in society

A lot of youngsters build their own PCs! My C grade GCSE son did! I even bought insurance on the parts as I was convinced he'd do something wrong...no, it still works now 8 years later. We've inherited it as he now works in software.

Why doesn't he nail GCSEs and then move to attend a good college or sixth form? He could try and access summer school stuff for Cambridge or large employers to expand his knowledge

Yeah I agree, when there's a place offered, that should be the time for those financial details.

From the schools perspective why waste their time accommodating DS taking the entrance exams and marking his work if there is zero chance of you paying privately.

Op you clearly don't know anything then about the private schooling system. 100 isn't much. Our school applications are 150 and there are hundreds of people paying this. All your silly questions about why you should do according to what they asked, just leaves you nowhere. There will be many who are lining up and willing to provide the information.

Private school has nothing to do with cleverness-everything to do with being able to pay out huge wads of cash. You think there aren't kids there who aren't that bright?? You've got it all wrong

If he’s that clever he can fill out the forms himself.

You need to fill in the form or you won’t get the bursary. Simple as. The people that check aren’t ransoms and everything is GDPR in schools and financial services.

Yup, seeking privilege and trying to justify it

Fingers crossed for you OP, and I hope it all works out well whatever happens.