To not want my personal financial affairs to be pored over by randoms?

[MxGrinch]

i am looking into getting DC into a private school as he is way too clever for his state school.

I knew of one in the next county and discovered they had academic scholarships for Yr9 entry. Had to register with them (non returnable £100 fee! we are a low income family) and arrange for DC to take the entrance test and scholarship assessments which he’ll be doing next month.

I’m obviously nowhere near as clever as DS as I thought a scholarship meant the fees would be paid! It seems they are only 10-20% paid so we will need to apply for a bursary.

I was sent the application form last week and need to return it tomorrow.

They want so much personal information such as 3 months bank statements, full income and expenditures, children’s income and expenditure. debts, car reg and value etc.it’s really flipping complicated and will take ages.

I know they need to assess whether we can afford the fees but seeing as there is no guarantee DC will even pass the entrance test, this is not information I want to share at this point as it may not go any further.

Theg have said if we don’t return it by tomorrow DC may not get a bursary at all.

AIBU to not want to give loads of private info until DS is actually offered a place?

Of course you’re being unreasonable.

They have a set number of places almost certainly oversubscribed, any non suitable candidates can be eliminated off the bat this way.

That's a better explanation.

I Have worked as a teacher in both state and private schools. The teaching is the same. Private is full of average rich kids and those in need of extra support whose parents can stretch to afford the fees. There are other expenses to consider that won’t be covered by the bursary such as expensive uniform and extra curricular. If your child gets a means tested bursary you will most likely have your finances scrutinised every year.

I mean
Without being awful

That's not a nice comment - lots of very intelligent children attend state schools

So he’s too clever for state school, but you’re not sure if he will pass entrance exam 🙄

That makes no sense at all. If he’s academically able then he’ll do just fine at state school. There’s no such thing as “too clever for” state school; it’s a ridiculous thing to write.

If you don’t want to share the information, then don’t, and just pay the fees like other parents do,

Of course they need the info - they’re potentially giving you tens of thousands of pounds! You don’t have to send it, but you won’t get the charity if you choose not to.

It does sound like your DS isn’t in a good school, though. Of course he should be doing challenging work, whatever school he is in. Have you looked into a different local state school? Private school teaching is no better or worse than state (on average).

FWIW, I had a “too clever” child in my gcse class in a grammar school a few years ago. Parents and child adamant he wasn’t being challenged enough and me (along with other staff) adamant that he wasn’t putting effort into learning the stuff he actually needed for his exams, and was instead constantly trying to change the focus of the lesson to a different aspect of the subject he was more interested in. Lo and behold, perfectly average gcse results. According a teacher friend, he had the same complaints at his sixth form college but they booted him out for not doing the work set by teachers.

Good point.

Maybe DC is NOT too clever for a state school. Maybe they are in the wrong state school that doesn't stretch them enough. Maybe you should do more with them at home? Maybe just maybe you are being unrealistic

If DC is such a genius you could spend the money on putting them in for GCSE yourself at whatever age you like.

Given how heritable intelligence is; he won’t.

If you want the bursary, get it filled out tonight and returned tomorrow as per their instructions.

It’s obviously up to you but if you want the bursary you need to apply by the deadline. This is extremely normal (I work in an independent school), the amount of info required ensures the (limited) bursaries go to the right families.

Weird thread.

There’s a simple way of addressing your concerns, i.e. not applying for the bursary.

Get your son to fill in the form then. He is hardworking and brainy.

Too clever for state school. FFS.

So you're expecting a school ( which is a business) to give you thousands and thousands of pounds worth of education but you don't want to fill in some forms?

No child is 'too clever' for state. That's bollocks. If you want your DC to have a shot at this super duper school then fill in the forms. Your'll be in for a late night though.

What are his school saying about how they will support and stretch him?
If his school not able to give him education that meets his ability, then I presume you're also looking at alternative state schools?

In other words, what is your Plan B?

Private schools are businesses. They are there to convince parents Your Little Darling is a genius. TO PART YOU WITH YOUR MONEY.

Private schools select the parents as much as the students. It is not a financial test (since this is a scholarship/bursary you are applying for) but to see how much you will support your ds and work with the school to achieve their high expectations of him.

On this test, I am afraid you fail. For them, it is a no brainer.

The difference is the teaching staff have more resources - and more opportunities for decent, one-to-one support. Completely agree that it’s the children who need extra help, or who aren’t the ones at the top of the class in state school who thrive at an independent. Many gifted children will thrive absolutely anywhere… provided they have support at home.

This is just not true. Private schools pay more and attract the best of the best teaching wise. Smaller class sizes means lessons are more tailored to the individual kids.
Subject specific teachers teaching much younger classes. So Maths teachers teaching maths at primary level rather than a single class teacher covering all subjects.
The teaching is superior - that's why people pay for it.

So, all the state school dc who get straight 9s… imagine how well they’d do if they went to a private school 🤔🙄

Anyway, they’ve told you how they work and you can either follow their way of working and possibly get a bursary or refuse and not get the bursary.

My experience is you’ll still have extra expenses and friends will work out he’s from a low income home (by the stuff he has and doesn’t have) and he is set up for bullying or feeling out of place. Not all schools are like this but I’ve seen it. Also, if dc board there will be lots of dc from all over so friendships can be really tricky. Private schools vary hugely and doesn’t always mean better. You also have to apply every year for a bursary so every year you’ll worry his place might not be funded.

Eh? So you found a private school, gave them £100 (which, especially if you're a low income family, is a lot of money) to enroll him in the exam without doing any research into how you'd afford the fees? Just assuming someone else would foot the bill?

I mean, I'm also in a low income family but how bloody entitled are you?

Ultimately, you've gotten his hopes up but because you can't be arsed to do the research or complete the paperwork, he's going to be left disappointed.

Greeeaaattt parenting right there.

Why the fuck did you pay the £100?

The difference is the teaching staff have more resources

This is true. And there are a fair number of children who do better in a smaller class, though not all. The main group of parents at mine, however, are ones who want us to be a one-stop-shop for academics, sport, music etc. Have everything organised in one place so there’s no carting kids around to lots of different activities. Not sure I’d pay our fees for that, but I’m not as rich as them!

My ds' school has 3 teachers teaching Economics at A level, all of whom are graduates in Economics, not re-tooled Maths or Business graduates. They can pay for specialist teaching and offer the harder subjects.

Clearly not something that runs in the family.