To not want my personal financial affairs to be pored over by randoms?

[MxGrinch]

i am looking into getting DC into a private school as he is way too clever for his state school.

I knew of one in the next county and discovered they had academic scholarships for Yr9 entry. Had to register with them (non returnable £100 fee! we are a low income family) and arrange for DC to take the entrance test and scholarship assessments which he’ll be doing next month.

I’m obviously nowhere near as clever as DS as I thought a scholarship meant the fees would be paid! It seems they are only 10-20% paid so we will need to apply for a bursary.

I was sent the application form last week and need to return it tomorrow.

They want so much personal information such as 3 months bank statements, full income and expenditures, children’s income and expenditure. debts, car reg and value etc.it’s really flipping complicated and will take ages.

I know they need to assess whether we can afford the fees but seeing as there is no guarantee DC will even pass the entrance test, this is not information I want to share at this point as it may not go any further.

Theg have said if we don’t return it by tomorrow DC may not get a bursary at all.

AIBU to not want to give loads of private info until DS is actually offered a place?

@nolosomi actually my dc took IGCSE's and one took the IB at private schools. Not usually available at state schools the IGCSE's were a far higher standard than GCSEs in about 2001.

“who gives a fuck if it shows”

The children. That’s who. The children who don’t have holidays, days out, extra curricular, don’t attend large sporting events, who don’t play an instrument, who can’t contribute to conversations about their summers abroad or days at X event, or exams in X instrument.
So yes, be that parent who doesn’t give a shit if your child sticks out like a sore thumb, and feels like they don’t fit in. Its the children who feel it.

Perhaps the parents of the ‘rich’ kids are more bothered by this?
Kids who are well brought up and are kind and respectful towards all others won’t be bothered. And frankly they are the type of kids I’d prefer my kids to be friends with.

Utter nonsense. There will be plenty of kids from ordinary backgrounds. And plenty of kids who are separated from their parents for most of the holidays who envy those unlike them.

For the 2nd/3rd time; the parents don’t care. Any of them. It’s the children who are bothered by it.

Selective private schools, of which there are many, base entry on grades taken in the 11+. They are very competitive academically. That's the exam the Op's child would have to sit if he wants to go to the academically selective private school. A bursary student would have to do really well academically to get in.

Yeah pull the other one, it’s got bells on it.
We earn over 100k as a household and have 3 kids. Don’t have any fancy holidays old bangars for cars and a moderate sized house with an average sized mortgage in the SE.
No way could we afford to even send 1 DC to private school. Maybe for one year if we scraped everything but consistently every year? No.
Nurses scraping by to afford private school fees is not going to be happening unless the money is coming from grandparents or a significantly higher earner.
The thousands and thousands of pounds has to come from somewhere and saving on the odd trip to Benidorm and a few dominoes take aways per year isn’t going to cut it I’m afraid 🤣
And yes. Kids do care. You can tell yourself all you like that they don’t, but no one wants to feel like the poor relation for 7 years. Trust me, it does affect you in later life.

Some children will. Some won’t. And some kids will be unhappy even though they are given everything. And some will be ok when they are given hardly anything at all.

There is a private near me who have a helicopter pad. If my child was given a free education there, I wouldn’t send them as I would not want my child in such an environment. There are other private schools who favour pastoral care.

. Different private schools attract different families. Thankfully.

Agree with all of this.

Are these nurses sending their children private the same ones using the food banks and discussing striking on numerous threads on here then @Itaintwhatyoudoitsthewaythatyoudoit

Oh! I see; you don’t actually have children in a private school? So your “info” is coming from your 1 friend who sent his child to “a private primary” and was really pleased they were all “ordinary”

Gotcha.

People always get so pressed about private school on here. I think it totally depends on the child about how happy/successful etc they are at private. My DS was at private primary until nearly the end of year 5. When we tried to apply for local private secondary schools, none of them would take him due to his autism diagnosis. No learning difficulties and no behaviour issues. So we moved him to a state primary and he will go the local state secondary. He is a lot happier away from the pressure and expectations. He is supposedly ‘gifted’ but that made no difference to schools accepting him or not. We also decided not to put him in for the 11 plus that he would have easily passed, as we didn’t think the ethos and attitude towards SEN at our local grammar was right for him. At first I was upset that we couldn’t access ‘the best’ even though we could easily afford it. Now I think my child is much happier and better catered for where he is. These decisions should be all about the child and what’s best for them, not the parent’s obsession with status etc. Our son’s prep had all sorts of parents, the majority had plenty of money but weren’t highly educated or grand themselves. I guess it depends on where you are and the school you choose.

My kids will be going.

But concern yourself with feeling superior if it makes you feel good.

There were varying degrees of wealth at dc's schools. The DC on bursarys were not reviled in any way.

Some lived in flats, the majority in Terraces (SW London), some in stonking great houses.

Parents were lawyers, doctors, bankers, accountants, self-employed, v senior management of corporates and plenty of old money. Many many families had two professional working parents.

When both dc were at such schools the fees were £37,000 per annum post tax (last year was 2013 of double fees). In the context of the fees overall uniform is a drop in the ocean and even a £2k sports tour isn't worth the quibble.

Why not get him to apply to Oxbridge? If he's so good he could join the youngsters that we see in the news?
BTW, my kids all were clever, all went to state school, all were clever enough to understand that it's a process, all got excellent jobs that pay more than I've ever earned.
But hey clearly you and your son feel that the rules and processes don't apply to you!

@PurpleWisteria1 how much over £100k? We paid for two at prep on £140k and we still went on holiday twice a year.

Hang on, you know that YOU have the biggest role in what he gets from his education don't you? What have you done outside the classroom to provide DC with the extra you seem to think private school will provide? There are so many opportunities out there for gifted children on low incomes, they just need finding and utilising.

I have a very clever child too, so we are VERY busy parents, who are growing and learning on a weekly basis.

Private school is just as flawed as state but in different ways. You sound a little deluded.

Only just over 100k. The kids do clubs which arnt cheap and we have day trips in school holidays but other than that don’t really spend on much. No fancy clothes (use primark or hand me downs usually) and we only eat out 2-3 times a year on birthdays as it’s so expensive for 5!
Just don’t know how people have so many spare thousands! It’s not like private school is an extra few thousand - it’s far more than that!

Upthread a PP quotes the fees at £37k per year. So before tax salary would be closer to 50k
So 50k needed per year for each child.
And we have posters on here saying that a couple of nurses can just cut back on holidays to afford it. Yeah right.

Some people really do get upset at the suggestion that the privilege that they think they are buying for their children isn’t seen as being worth very much by others.

I suppose it’s harder to boast when others don’t see what’s so good about it.

We signed our eldest up for reception at the very in-demand local prep school (20k per year, plus all the other costs) and then changed our mind after an open day showed us the sort of entitlement that the children and other parents had.

We’re very happy with the state primary which we chose instead, and comfortable that with DH’s and my academic backgrounds that it’ll be fine. It seems extremely good so far.

How else do you expect them to know who is eligible for a bursary place?

@PurpleWisteria1 £37k for both children in 2013 (our last year of double fees). Albeit in London Day schools. Boarding would have been £37k each.

I admit the people I know from a private school background aren't particularly bright, but they seem to have a certain confidence about them.

OP could he move to a grammar school and still qualify as 'disadvantaged' when it comes time for the Cambridge application?

@PurpleWisteria1 in our case, all mortgage, bills, food etc came out of DH’s salary. I paid the school fees out of mine which is really common. Loads of mums at my DC’s school working just to pay the fees. Was costing us about £2400 per month for two lots of fees. I earned around £3k per month. I appreciate that three wouldn’t have been possible but equally, one would have been possible on £120k, less if mortgage was smaller. There are a range of families at my DC’s school. DS2 is still there and will remain their hopefully for seniors. It really isn’t the case that all families at private schools are rolling in money. A friend moved her son from a school in a very affluent village to a small prep school and she said that there were more affluent families at the village school. Yes, some schools have lots of very wealthy parents, others do not.

I also notice differences between cultures. DS2’s year is very very diverse with loads of first generation immigrant parents. They put education above everything and have smaller houses and less flashy cars than the “new money” white British families in DS1’s year who would remove their kids for financial issues but still continue to live in their big houses. I’m not saying either way is the right way but I find that people have very preconceived views about private schools and they are not always right! Likewise, the crap that I hear on the grapevine about DS1’s super selective grammar all of it which is rubbish.

Ok I see that makes sense. But what happens about childcare before / after school if both you and your husband worked? Who’s salary did that come from? DH does pay for most of the bills mortgage and food. I earn money for clubs, days out, school trips, home and car repairs, a UK holiday once a year and any spending money we have but my earning potential is curtailed by the primary school and what 3x after school and before school care would be!

Completely agree with this. Those that believe that kids don't care are just delusional. My dc attend private schooling, they are very much aware of who goes on holidays, what each other has and so forth. The very ordinary kids are extremely few. Private schooling also means that there will be many, many requests for donations and support for various activities/ charity days/initiatives. Not to mention the expensive many, many trips they do a year. Your kid will stick out.