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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was horrible of my dad?

96 replies

Rainbowparrots · 13/11/2022 17:40

After my mum died, my dad met another woman. He’d spend Christmas with her and her family and I wasn’t invited.

OP posts:
donttellmehesalive · 13/11/2022 17:42

When did your mum die?

How long after her death did he meet thi woman, and how long has he been with her?

How old are you and are you still dependant?

Johnnysgirl · 13/11/2022 17:43

How old were you? Were you a child?

Berlinlover · 13/11/2022 17:43

Were you a child when your mother died? If yes, who did you spend Christmas with?

Original poster
Rainbowparrots · 13/11/2022 17:44

I was 17 when she died.

He was with his partner for the first two christmases, so when I was 18 and 19, but hadn’t moved in at that point. After that I was on my own.

OP posts:
SadieMai · 13/11/2022 17:45

I think more context is needed...

How old were you?
How old are you?
Are you close to your Dad?
Did you used to spend each Christmas with him?
Does he spend Christmas with them and leave you completely by yourself or do you have your own family now too?

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 13/11/2022 17:46

😮 Yes. Lots of context absent from your op, but without a conversation even. That's cold.
What was your relationship like before your mum's death? How old were you?

1000yellowdaisies · 13/11/2022 17:46

Yes. Thats dreadful of him.

Stunningscreamer · 13/11/2022 17:48

Do you mean for the first two Christmases before she moved in, he didn't spend Christmas with you? If so, that's awful.

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 13/11/2022 17:48

Omg only 17, that’s bloody awful.
Obviously YANBU Flowers

SisterGeorgeMichael · 13/11/2022 17:49

Yes, that's more than horrible.

SadieMai · 13/11/2022 17:49

Yes thats completely shit of him. I have a 17 year old and he would be top of my list not bottom. Sorry this happened to you x

donttellmehesalive · 13/11/2022 17:49

So he left you at home alone to spend Xmas with his gf? If so, yes, that's awful. Only forgivable if you had other options and had said that you'd be taking one of them.

Johnnysgirl · 13/11/2022 17:51

So, from aged 20 you weren't invited to share Christmas with them?
It's not very welcoming, certainly, but you weren't a child. Were you at Uni? In a relationship of your own?

SadieMai · 13/11/2022 17:52

Johnnysgirl · 13/11/2022 17:51

So, from aged 20 you weren't invited to share Christmas with them?
It's not very welcoming, certainly, but you weren't a child. Were you at Uni? In a relationship of your own?

No she was 18 and 19 at the time

Original poster
Rainbowparrots · 13/11/2022 17:52

I was at uni aged 19-21. Then working. It took me a long time to have a relationship, though.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 13/11/2022 17:53

Rainbowparrots · 13/11/2022 17:44

I was 17 when she died.

He was with his partner for the first two christmases, so when I was 18 and 19, but hadn’t moved in at that point. After that I was on my own.

Can you clarify this? Were you left alone for Christmas when you were 18 and 19? It's clumsily worded.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 13/11/2022 17:54

That is horrendous op and your father should be ashamed. 😭

Original poster
Rainbowparrots · 13/11/2022 17:56

@Johnnysgirl

My mum died April 1998, I was 17. I turned 18 in September 1998. Dad was at home Christmas 98 and 99 (when I was at sixth form college/ first year at university.) He then left to live with his partner. She had adult children and they used to have a jolly Christmas together. He never saw why it upset me.

OP posts:
theonlygirl · 13/11/2022 17:57

Just because someone turns 18 or goes to Uni or has a partner of their own, they don't stop being your child. You don't just move on and ignore them, especially after the death of their other parent at such a young age. FFS.

I'm sorry you experienced this OP. some people are just shit.

Allschoolsareartschools · 13/11/2022 18:00

That's truly horrible & I hope you are able to enjoy Christmas again now. I'd be having nothing to do with him whatsoever.

Tansytea · 13/11/2022 18:01

That's awful, definitely. Where did you go? Did you have other family to take you in, or brothers and sisters to be with?

Original poster
Rainbowparrots · 13/11/2022 18:02

No, was just on my own! It was a bit crap, I’m OK now, though. Not sure what made me think of it.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 13/11/2022 18:02

theonlygirl · 13/11/2022 17:57

Just because someone turns 18 or goes to Uni or has a partner of their own, they don't stop being your child. You don't just move on and ignore them, especially after the death of their other parent at such a young age. FFS.

I'm sorry you experienced this OP. some people are just shit.

No. She wasn't 18 when he finally left, though...

jonnyjannoo · 13/11/2022 18:04

OP that was truly shitty of him. Do you have siblings?

Stompythedinosaur · 13/11/2022 18:06

That is pretty unforgivable tbh. Not something a decent parent would ever think of doing. I'm sorry this happened to you.

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