To think this was horrible of my dad?

[Rainbowparrots]

After my mum died, my dad met another woman. He’d spend Christmas with her and her family and I wasn’t invited.

Nasty shitty trick. He and his new woman should be ashamed of themselves

Do you still speak with him?

This is awful OP. What kind of man is your DF generally? Do you have any relaltionship with him now, and if so what is it like? Just asking so can get an idea of how this Christmas issue fits into context of your relationship with him otherwise. But awful behaviour by him if you were simply excluded and did not have other arrangements you preferred at the time. Do you have siblings?

What a complete bastard. I wouldn’t have any respect for him at all. I was a similar age when my DM died and I can only imagine how awful that must have been.

Fucking hell, you slept Christmas Day alone?? What?? I can’t even begin to imagine how someone could be so selfish and cruel to their child. Bizarre

Spent

He sounds like a self absorbed, cold hearted man. He probably always was but your mum disguised it and/or made up for it.

The really weird thing is that he was great until she died. Then he wasn’t. He’s since died, which is really sad.

Wow, that is really shocking. He should have asked that you be included. And they should have insisted!!! What did they think you were doing.

Jesus. Big hug to your inner teenager

It sounds like he may have been running away from dealing with his grief. Almost pretending it hadn’t happened rather than facing it.

It’s not just you thinking that’s crap of him but as pp said, grief does strange things to people. No excuse though.

Sorry you went through this- it’s cruel, whether it was intentional or not.

YANBU - it's like saying he has a new life now and that you're not part of it.

I guess grief affects everyone differently. Were you disapproving of him having moved on so quickly?

That said, as he had a child I'd be disapproving. Really horrible behaviour.

It was a selfish and horrible thing to do. Hope that you can make peace with it, and that you have found happiness in your life x

The thing is, I know he was grieving and perhaps it is wrong to judge that, but I do.

I changed my vote when I saw your age. YADNBU💐what was your relationship with him like after this?

Fucking awful. I have a relative who had to be told how to do normal loving things by their wife (we thought she was patronising) when she died we realised he was awful. Maybe there was some of this going on and the step wasn't blessed with decency.

Oh gosh yes, that is very harsh indeed. Have you ever addressed it with him? Bring it out in the open so it doesn't keep eating away at you.

I can't believe some people on this thread are trying to justify this. He didn't stop being her father just because she'd turned 18, and her mother didn't stop being dead. I wonder if people would be reacting in the same way if it was her father who'd died and her mother who'd behaved in such a selfish, un-parent-like way?

I'm sorry OP. I hope you have people in your life who treat you with the love, care and respect you deserve.

Awful OP. I'm sorry. He sounds a massive twat and failure of a parent and human being. I couldn't imagine behaving this way.

Yes, that 2 years I'm sure made all the difference and made it hurt so much less, I'm sure...

What planet are some people on?

No, of course it doesn't.
Several posters were saying how they couldn't have done it to their 17 year old, though. It's slightly different when they're actually 20. Not any less nasty, but the poor little orphan angle isn't so acute.

Awful behaviour do you look like your mother?

Oh poor OP, what an awful thing to do. Your father may have been grieving for your mother but you should have been one of the things he clung to in that grief, not rejected and he should have understood that you needed support and live from your remaining parent. Unmumsnetty hugs and a handhold to your inner teenager X.