To expect a proper lie-in?

[ClaphamAndCheese]

DH games or watches films or goes out on Friday - always to bed late (2am/3am) and then he has a lie in until 11 or so. I look after both the DC (pre-school) Sat morning.

I work full time and do 9 out 10 night wakes. Which at the moment is mainly the older DS (3.5) who keeps having nightmares and crying for "Mummy please be in my bed etc" and then refusing to sleep, cuddling me.

Anyway - Sunday is my morning. I don't go to bed late on Saturday but that's not the point.

DS1 (3.5) just comes up the stairs again and again from 6am. Waking me up. Turning the lights on. Telling me it's morning. He just covered himself in E45 cream pretending to be a skeleton. He's a tricky kid and is actually on referral pathway for dyslexia or ASD - he can become quite obsessive. BUT - DH doesn't make any effort to stop DS coming up the stairs. It's not easy to stop him when he gets it in his mind I know, but still.

DH just says he's got the younger one and DS is "obsessed with you". After being woken up for the fourth time, I took him downstairs again and said that DH could make more of an effort

DH said "can't believe you're blaming me for DS behaviour again"

WTF. DS is 3. Surely it's a reasonable expectation that DH tries to keep DS downstairs so I can sleep???

DH then snapped "no baby number 3 for you if you're this strung out because your kids waking you up"

I mean. Unnecessary no?

I am tired so maybe it's not a big deal, but it's my only time of the week where I am alone.

I said "Why do you get to sleep until 11am on Saturday, and i don't even get back 6.30am without being woken up" and he said "not my fault your kids are obessed you with"

Send the kids in early and continuously every Saturday morning so his lie in is ruined and see what he thinks about that.

Well I think baby number 3 would be a horrible idea anyway with such a partner.

This. And don't have any more kids either. Unless he grows up, you already have 3!!

Absolutely, he won’t change. It’s a pathetic excuse he’s got, just lazy

He's being lazy and trying to dump the kids on you. Give him the same treatment on his lie in.

Agree

Oh he sounds really horrible!

Yes your son as you say is difficult to manage in the morning but that doesn't mean he should give up!
Shame it's winter otherwise you might persuade your husband to take the kids out of the house even if it is early.

How much comprehension does your son have? Can you do a sticker chart or something to encourage him not to wake you?

Though of course it should be your husband in charge 😦. So his main point is that it's not his fault that "your son is obsessed with you". Well no it isn't but it is up to him to try and manage that attachment for five or six hours once a week.

Can you talk to him one evening when the kids are not around when hopefully you will both be more relaxed, and ask him does he not understand that he will be doing this to support his wife. Who as you say, needs this one time during the week to relax. That's what it's about - support and fairness.

Keep posting.

Well that would be the last time he gets a lie in

Yeah - the 3rd baby comment - I do agree about not having a 3rd baby actually. (mainly because I am so unsure of DH rather than not wanting one myself). I just thought it was a shitty comment. Like every time i get tired or say what i feel - i get that thrown in my face. doesn't feel v kind.

He's doing an awful job of supervising if he's managed to cover himself in e45 cream. I agree send the kids in during his lie in

Tbh it sounds like he's deliberately not supervising properly, as if he doesn't really want you to have a lie in

your partner sounds like a twat for dangling the prospect of a third child for you but only if you’re “good” and demonstrate you won’t be grumpy about losing your only lie in. He needs to step and be a parent and supportive partner.

Maybe they wouldn’t be “so obsessed with you” if your DH managed to do a few hours of a actual parenting a week.

Yeah, I mean - the 4th time I woke up and DS was in the bathroom covered in E45 cream, trying to wash it off (because he knew I'd be mad), but he'd also put all his trains in the bath, towels everywhere, and generally caused havoc. He must have been there for quite some time. When I took him downstairs, I asked DH where he thought he'd been and said "Oh dunno. In the loo" - I mean, he's 3 - developmentally behind, always get up to mischief, no sense of danger etc - he needs more watching that that.

It's ridiculous of him to say he can't stop DS going upstairs to you! Would he stop him doing anything else?! He doesn't want to be bothered by him and maybe even resents your one lie-in? Use a stair gate at the bottom so he can't get upstairs (though I suspect your DH will find another way of waking you. Toilet trip, loud chatting etc.) 🤨

Absolutely stop facilitating his Saturday lie ins.

Send them both straight in at whatever time you were first woken up the Sunday before.

How selfish of him.

He’s obviously being unreasonable but baby number 3 with such an unsupportive partner is also obviously a terrible idea.

Well, he needs to agree that either you both get a lie in or neither of you do. If he isn't facilitating your lie in, there is not a chance I'd facilitate his. Selfish arsehole. Sounds like he needs to do more solo childcare to build up his skills.

Use a stair gate then he can’t get upstairs

Why do you keep facilitating his lie-ins when he doesn't facilitate yours?

Stop letting him have such lengthy lie ins OP!
I'd also stop enabling his behaviour by not making him get up in the night - DH does all toddler night wakes now we have DC3. Why shouldn't he get up in the night with his children?

Oh and definitely don't have DC3 ( or DC4, pretty sure you already have three children given how childish your DH is ).

Bang goes his lie-in then!

Make sure the children wake him every Saturday. Go to your parents on a Saturday night.

The next time he says "No baby number three for you" be prepared to snap back "I already have three. I am just waiting for you to grow up!"

Send the kids up to him next Saturday and see how he likes it and then on Sunday block the door (buy a door wedge).