Hidden photos

[Doingslightlybetterthanjuliaoffmotherland]

Been with DP for 3.5 years. He is divorced, 2 children, same situation with me and we have blended our family and live together, for the last 12 months

Recently he has seemed slightly withdrawn from our relationship - hardly any intimacy. We hardly have sex, cuddles, anything really that we had been like previously. It’s like he makes zero effort

I’m slightly insecure anyway - I’ve been cheated on in past relationships and indeed my ex cheated on me whilst I was pregnant so my trail of thought very quickly led me to ‘is there someone else?’

So - I’m not proud of this - I looked through his phone today for the first time ever. I’m pleased to say I actually found no evidence of any affairs, other women etc. So all good there!

Anyway, I found the ‘hidden photos’ but on his phone which had very racy photo I have ever sent him whilst we’ve been together - which is all good, great to see he saved them! BUT The issue I have here is that I found about 50 photos and videos of women he had been seeing just before he met me - why does he still have them? Does he still look at them??

I do know who some of these women are - they were women I know he removed from his social media, some immediately after he met me and some I know stayed on there longer - I’m 100% certain he has no contact with them - but why still keep all the photos and videos? It just feels very disrespectful and just plain sneaky to be honest

the irony of you calling him disrespectful and sneaky when you’ve been going through his phone 🙄

Checking someone's phone is disrespectful and sneaky too. Nobody is perfect.

presumably he keeps the photos for sexual gratification, memory of an encounter
Doesn’t mean he’s cheating but I see why it’s unsettling
Depend if the photos and/or the women have emotional significance for him

Just to add the photos and videos were all ones that women had sent to him

Why did he have to remove all these women from his social media? Was he still in friendly contact? Does he have any female friends on it?

🍿

Yes I’m really not proud at all of looking through his phone - but the thing is with how he has been recently IF there had been evidence of him cheating then I would straight off have got myself and my kids out of the entire situation. I needed to know

He removed women who he had been sexually involved with - as I also removed anyone I had dated previously too. Neither of us requested either to do this - we did it out of respect for our relationship

He has female friends on his social media - I’ve no issue with him having friends of the opposite sex

Oh god

@Doingslightlybetterthanjuliaoffmotherland ok what’s your hunch? What you want to do

It’s his secret wank bank

It's down to trust. To have to check a phone.....is the trust there?

Do you trust him? Could he have a second phone?

I guess you could delete them all and see what happens...🙈

I don't blame him to be honest... he's divorced and he's your DP not your DH.

Many here would say dump the twat but I don't think it's that terrible if he isn't cheating etc.

This.

YABU. How are you going to mention it without admitting you went through his phone?

He most likely has kept them because he likes them. And yes he probably looks at them and has a wank from time to time. It is likely very separate to his feelings for you in his mind and no reflection of how he feels about your relationship.

This is what I think too - secret wank bank which is what just makes me cringe and not want to look at him the same way! It’s one thing to watch porn but to look at photos and videos of women you have actually slept with before your partner is a bit….. wow.

Maybe you should have used your words and communicated like an adult, rather than violate his privacy?

Batshit behaviour to go through his phone this way.

What's not being married got to do with the price of fish

I'd leave someone for this, keeping pics of exes is creepy and disrespectful to the exes. It's also disrespectful to you as the partner.

I thought you were going to say you’d found photos in a secret calculator app. Assume you’ve checked for anything like that? Your biggest problem is your snooping hasn’t solved your problem, I wouldn’t be so convinced nothing is going on. Men know women snoop on phones, if he is cheating and acting oddly he’s going to cover his tracks if he’s got any sense.

I’d leave someone who felt they could go through my phone, breaking not just my privacy, but the privacy of everyone who has messaged me.

He sounds completely normal. I'd probably feel slightly icky about it myself, but that's why I'd never go through someone's phone. You don't have the right to decide what pictures he keeps, and now you can't help ( understandably ) looking at him differently.
You shot both of you in the foot here. Don't go through other people's private stuff.

It's not that, it's just her DP is not married to her (in his mind) and he's divorced, so that's why he doesn't seem to think the pics are that bad.

I personally agree up to a point, after a marriage with kids, 3 years really isn't a long time in a relationship and it's only a few pictures, he's not doing anything is he?