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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset by my coworker's behaviour on my last day at work?

66 replies

melonandmint · 11/11/2022 17:33

I just left my job at a very friendly and open office. There were lots of people in my age range (mid-late 20s) and we were generally a very close bunch. We all chatted daily, went for coffee/lunch together often, and had regular after-work drinks.

One guy who I occasionally worked with seemed very shy, and didn't have much to do with the rest of us. I made a couple of attempts to chat with him during downtime, and once invited him out with us after work. He wasn't very responsive, so I stopped bothering. A couple of other people in the office had expressed that they found him hard to talk to as well. In my last couple of weeks I only spoke to him for purely work-related reasons.

Fast forward to my last day. I was going around the office saying goodbye to everyone before leaving, and he saw me approaching. He started getting ready to leave extremely quickly, and basically ran out of the door before I could get to his section. I wasn't planning to say anything to him anyway, but it really caught me off guard.

I'm left wondering how I could have possibly made him feel this uncomfortable. Everyone else was lovely to me - I received cards, presents, and many heartfelt goodbyes. But his reaction really put a damper on my final moments at work and has made me worry about myself. Whether I somehow came across as creepy, overbearing, etc in his eyes. AIBU to take it personally and feel upset?

Tl;dr - A coworker who I had tried and failed to be friendly with avoided interacting with me on my last day at work. I can't stop worrying about why this happened and feeling awful. Not sure what to think.

OP posts:
cosypeppermint · 11/11/2022 17:34

So he’s very socially awkward and possibly finds social situations difficult?

i think you’re really wrong to take this personally!

trevthecat · 11/11/2022 17:35

Could be many things. Socially awkward, autistic, not a fan of people. I'd say this wasn't about you, but about them

Dacadactyl · 11/11/2022 17:35

What i would take from this is that he is socially anxious and struggles with interaction.

You've done nothing wrong. Don't give it another thought.

tickticksnooze · 11/11/2022 17:36

I would take that as it being about him not you.

Some people find that kind of social situation really uncomfortable. I'd assume he was fleeing the situation not you, and move on with your life.

Even if it is about you, we can't gel with everyone and it's over now, so again just move on

Alloftheboys · 11/11/2022 17:36

It’s not all about you.
He may be very shy. He may be very nervous. He may not like you.
I have no idea.
If you knew he was reluctant to talk to you previously why were you going round the office doing a grand goodbye tour and including him in it?

starpatch · 11/11/2022 17:36

Sounds like he has social anxiety he just didn’t know what to say to you! Don’t take it personally!

TheSomersetGimp · 11/11/2022 17:36

He's probably just anxious. Don't worry about it.

Harrysutton · 11/11/2022 17:36

Definitely about him. Don’t give it any more thought. I can think of at least three colleagues who would do the same.

YellowTreeHouse · 11/11/2022 17:37

It sounds as if you were making a whole fanfare about leaving and he wasn’t arsed for the show?

Kindofcrunchy · 11/11/2022 17:38

I wouldn't give it a moments thought if I were you. Some people just find these situations really anxiety inducing 🤷‍♀️

MissEnolaHolmes · 11/11/2022 17:38

It’s not you - it is him.

I once had a lecturer at university run away from me - why?

because I had a vagina and he found it impossible to speak to women - just couldn’t

200degrees · 11/11/2022 17:39

I think you might be reading too much into it. Maybe he’s just trying to get home asap? Maybe he’s got plans after work and was trying to beat rush hour delays.

thedevilinablackdress · 11/11/2022 17:39

Well it's hardly a surprise is it? Maybe he just likes to go to work and get on with it and isn't interested in making friends.

melonandmint · 11/11/2022 17:39

Alloftheboys · 11/11/2022 17:36

It’s not all about you.
He may be very shy. He may be very nervous. He may not like you.
I have no idea.
If you knew he was reluctant to talk to you previously why were you going round the office doing a grand goodbye tour and including him in it?

As I said, I wasn't planning to say goodbye to him. By the time I left the office, there were only a couple of people left. I only spoke the ones I was personally close to.

OP posts:
Ekátn · 11/11/2022 17:40

So a coworker who isn’t a friend and you weren’t planning on talking to, quickly left before you got chance to not talk to him?

Theres a really good chance that he struggles socially. Bet it helps that you and your coworkers all chat about how he is hard work though.

200degrees · 11/11/2022 17:41

Do you guys fancy one other or something?

wondering as it seems odd that you would single out his reaction when the majority of the office seemed to give you love and affection.

for me, I would have been so buzzing with leaving and my gifts, I wouldn’t have noticed this person’s presence (let alone his actions)

SisterGeorgeMichael · 11/11/2022 17:42

He was just going home. Confused
You aren't friends and you weren't going to take any notice of him anyway. What did you want him to do? Not leave?

Hillrunning · 11/11/2022 17:42

I think his reaction was a sensible one. You were not friends and not even friendly, he will have been as aware of this as you are. What were you planning on doing when you got to him? Skip him over entirely- that would have been awkward for everyone. Option two was have some sort of fake goodbye - also awkward for everyone. He made it so that neither of you, nor thoes around had to do that.

Equally, you know, maybe not everything is about you. Perhaps he realised he was late for something or got a message that he urgently had to leave.

Aprilx · 11/11/2022 17:43

melonandmint · 11/11/2022 17:39

As I said, I wasn't planning to say goodbye to him. By the time I left the office, there were only a couple of people left. I only spoke the ones I was personally close to.

So if you weren’t planning to say good bye to him (pretty rude) why are you bothered that he left. You need to get over yourself a bit.

melonandmint · 11/11/2022 17:44

Ekátn · 11/11/2022 17:40

So a coworker who isn’t a friend and you weren’t planning on talking to, quickly left before you got chance to not talk to him?

Theres a really good chance that he struggles socially. Bet it helps that you and your coworkers all chat about how he is hard work though.

We did not 'all chat about how he is hard work'. A couple of people expressed to me in passing that they found it difficult to talk to him, I did not instigate it. And that's all that was said.

OP posts:
200degrees · 11/11/2022 17:45

TheSomersetGimp · 11/11/2022 17:36

He's probably just anxious. Don't worry about it.

Lol both of them sound anxious frankly - op is here having a complex over this

Sparklesocks · 11/11/2022 17:45

You weren’t planning on saying goodbye to him and he didn’t say goodbye to you so I don’t see the issue? Sounds like you had a nice send off with gifts and cards so why obsess over one person?

SnarkyBag · 11/11/2022 17:46

You weren’t going to speak to him anyway so why do you care? Comes across that you’re peeved you didn’t get to snub him first!

Hugasauras · 11/11/2022 17:51

Tbh this could be my husband. He's not anxious but just has no interest in social stuff at work 🤷‍♀️ Doesn't want to do nights out or collections or cards or receive anything. He's perfectly polite at work but not a chatter.

If this chap maybe has some social anxiety in the mix then he could have felt uncomfortable about a goodbye or something. Does it really matter? He wasn't rude to you or bullied you or anything, he just seems like he keeps himself to himself and doesn't want to be involved in anything social, which is his prerogative.

SweetPetrichor · 11/11/2022 17:53

He was just leaving work…what has he done wrong!