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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset by my coworker's behaviour on my last day at work?

66 replies

melonandmint · 11/11/2022 17:33

I just left my job at a very friendly and open office. There were lots of people in my age range (mid-late 20s) and we were generally a very close bunch. We all chatted daily, went for coffee/lunch together often, and had regular after-work drinks.

One guy who I occasionally worked with seemed very shy, and didn't have much to do with the rest of us. I made a couple of attempts to chat with him during downtime, and once invited him out with us after work. He wasn't very responsive, so I stopped bothering. A couple of other people in the office had expressed that they found him hard to talk to as well. In my last couple of weeks I only spoke to him for purely work-related reasons.

Fast forward to my last day. I was going around the office saying goodbye to everyone before leaving, and he saw me approaching. He started getting ready to leave extremely quickly, and basically ran out of the door before I could get to his section. I wasn't planning to say anything to him anyway, but it really caught me off guard.

I'm left wondering how I could have possibly made him feel this uncomfortable. Everyone else was lovely to me - I received cards, presents, and many heartfelt goodbyes. But his reaction really put a damper on my final moments at work and has made me worry about myself. Whether I somehow came across as creepy, overbearing, etc in his eyes. AIBU to take it personally and feel upset?

Tl;dr - A coworker who I had tried and failed to be friendly with avoided interacting with me on my last day at work. I can't stop worrying about why this happened and feeling awful. Not sure what to think.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/11/2022 17:54

He probably wanted to avoid the awkwardness of you both avoiding saying goodbye to each other, to be honest.

Halloweene · 11/11/2022 18:00

I went through the reverse.

Colleague wanted to date me then started loudly criticising me in front of others when I wasn’t interested. I stopped speaking to him & deleted him from socials. We don’t work directly so never needed to speak to him about work.

He went through a forced office move. On his last day, I was chatting to my colleagues and he came up to us (on the other side of the office) under the pretence of wanting something minor from our desk. I walked off back to my desk and my friends carried on the conversation at my desk so he was left alone to pick up the thing he apparently needed.

Ultimately I didn’t say anything to him on his last day. In my head I was like, good riddance he’s gone!

meatballsoup · 11/11/2022 18:06

Maybe he really needed to go for a poo or catch a bus?

flingingmelon · 11/11/2022 18:07

He's got no idea how to do goodbyes.

All about him.

Georgeskitchen · 11/11/2022 18:07

Your overthinking. Let it go

melonandmint · 11/11/2022 18:08

meatballsoup · 11/11/2022 18:06

Maybe he really needed to go for a poo or catch a bus?

Well I definitely hadn't considered that first option! But yes it was probably coincidental and it's silly of me to ruminate over it.

OP posts:
midlifecrash · 11/11/2022 18:10

He probably thought uh oh hardly anyone here, whether I get a good bye or not it will be Totes Awks, I’m off

Butchyrestingface · 11/11/2022 18:10

As I said, I wasn't planning to say goodbye to him.

So you're miffed that you didn't get to performatively ignore him?

Loics · 11/11/2022 18:13

Sounds like he may have known it would be awkward, so left to avoid it. Win win in that case.
Completely honestly, I've never been interested in being close to colleagues. There are a few that I do get on with as we've gotten to know each other and found we're similar/have things in common, the others I would decline offers of nights out/not encourage small talk as I don't take to them as much. Maybe you fell into the latter category with him, which is fine. You weren't keen on him, he wasn't keen on you, but you worked fine together, it was probably a good set up to be fair!

Loics · 11/11/2022 18:15

Butchyrestingface · 11/11/2022 18:10

As I said, I wasn't planning to say goodbye to him.

So you're miffed that you didn't get to performatively ignore him?

That's a good point, OP does seem to be put out he made her feel bad when she was planning on ignoring him in a much more obvious way (if he was even doing that - could have needed to leave promptly for many reasons). 🙈

200degrees · 11/11/2022 18:16

melonandmint · 11/11/2022 18:08

Well I definitely hadn't considered that first option! But yes it was probably coincidental and it's silly of me to ruminate over it.

exactly

There’s no point thinking all the what ifs - you’ll never know the answer. You’ve got a new job now, don’t spend time looking back on acquaintances at your old job.

Felicity42 · 11/11/2022 18:18

He could have secretly fancied you a bit or just really liked you and it was hard to say goodbye.
Maybe he hates goodbyes and is really sensitive. Or hates to have any attention drawn to himself so had to dodge the goodbye.
It's very likely to be him not you.

TrentCrimm · 11/11/2022 18:24

Felicity42 · 11/11/2022 18:18

He could have secretly fancied you a bit or just really liked you and it was hard to say goodbye.
Maybe he hates goodbyes and is really sensitive. Or hates to have any attention drawn to himself so had to dodge the goodbye.
It's very likely to be him not you.

I can think of quite a few times when I've suddenly needed to leave my desk when I can see a leaver doing the rounds- it's just been when that person hasn't quite been my cup of tea, and I don't really want an awkward fake 'all the best, nice working with you' moment.

I can assure you, I never fancied any of them Grin

Dguu6u · 11/11/2022 18:29

The world doesn't revolve around you. Don't take it personally.

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/11/2022 18:30

"I'm left wondering how I could have possibly made him feel this uncomfortable. Everyone else was lovely to me - I received cards, presents, and many heartfelt goodbyes. But his reaction really put a damper on my final moments at work and has made me worry about myself. Whether I somehow came across as creepy, overbearing, etc in his eyes. AIBU to take it personally and feel upset?"

Ye, of course YABU! And not a little self-centred, to consider that his behaviour is because you made him feel uncomfortable. He simply was uncomfortable, because that is who he is. Nothing to do with you. And now you're almost blaming him for putting "a damper on my final moments" because he didn't prioritise your Grand Farewell over his own shyness. You're upset about this? Get a grip. You are the centre of your world, you are not the centre of his.

TabithaTittlemouse · 11/11/2022 18:30

It’s a strange thing to worry about. Do you have quite low self esteem?

santorinii · 11/11/2022 18:31

to be frank, he didn’t want to say bye to you.

even if he was rushing out (which is very plausible), he could still have said bye as he walked past! he would have had all day to have said something/send a message/sign a card but he’s chosen not to.

it doesn’t mean he fancies you or that he thinks you’re an evil human being. he doesn’t want any sort of relationship with you, he isn’t interested in keeping in touch or smoothing things over.

Personally if I was him, I would have been tactical. I would have made a show of saying bye to you so the rest of the office would think I was less awkward if that was their opinion lol

pictish · 11/11/2022 18:37

It’s fine. Socially awkward, had a bus to catch…something like that. Yabu to worry.

Hippopotamouth · 11/11/2022 18:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

BigFatLiar · 11/11/2022 18:39

I wasn't planning to say anything to him anyway,

So are you upset he left before you could snub him?

pilates · 11/11/2022 18:39

It’s him not you!
It doesn’t take much to say good luck and goodbye.

girlmom21 · 11/11/2022 18:39

pilates · 11/11/2022 18:39

It’s him not you!
It doesn’t take much to say good luck and goodbye.

The OP wasn't going to speak to him

LunaMay · 11/11/2022 18:40

pilates · 11/11/2022 18:39

It’s him not you!
It doesn’t take much to say good luck and goodbye.

Surely that goes both ways

santorinii · 11/11/2022 18:40

LunaMay · 11/11/2022 18:40

Surely that goes both ways

Yes. OP could have equally said bye to him during the day but chose not to

jtaeapa · 11/11/2022 18:41

He clearly doesn’t like the social side so got away from it. Not a reflection on you.