To be upset by my coworker's behaviour on my last day at work?

[melonandmint]

I just left my job at a very friendly and open office. There were lots of people in my age range (mid-late 20s) and we were generally a very close bunch. We all chatted daily, went for coffee/lunch together often, and had regular after-work drinks.

One guy who I occasionally worked with seemed very shy, and didn't have much to do with the rest of us. I made a couple of attempts to chat with him during downtime, and once invited him out with us after work. He wasn't very responsive, so I stopped bothering. A couple of other people in the office had expressed that they found him hard to talk to as well. In my last couple of weeks I only spoke to him for purely work-related reasons.

Fast forward to my last day. I was going around the office saying goodbye to everyone before leaving, and he saw me approaching. He started getting ready to leave extremely quickly, and basically ran out of the door before I could get to his section. I wasn't planning to say anything to him anyway, but it really caught me off guard.

I'm left wondering how I could have possibly made him feel this uncomfortable. Everyone else was lovely to me - I received cards, presents, and many heartfelt goodbyes. But his reaction really put a damper on my final moments at work and has made me worry about myself. Whether I somehow came across as creepy, overbearing, etc in his eyes. AIBU to take it personally and feel upset?

Tl;dr - A coworker who I had tried and failed to be friendly with avoided interacting with me on my last day at work. I can't stop worrying about why this happened and feeling awful. Not sure what to think.

I actually did something very similar to a coworker last week as she was going on maternity leave. Difference is we do get along, joke around etc. but she is closer to others in the office as they work in the same area.
When the goodbyes started there was hugging etc and i just thought it'd be awkward once it got to me because both of us would be wondering whether to go for the hug (or just my awkward thoughts) or not lol so i quickly grabbed some stuff and headed to the shredder....

Like pp im really confused why you're bothered that someone you weren't going to even say bye to didn't give you the chance to...err....not say bye to them 🤣🤣

As a side there are not many situations more awkward imo than someone who is leaving swanning all over the office saying bye to literally everything including the office plants, just piss off already so we can all raid your stationery tub and nick your mouse pad 😬

You are pissed because he got to leave without saying goodbye to you, rather than you not saying goodbye to him. Which is exhausting. You aren't the centre of the universe.

You're upset that he didn't let you not say goodbye to him - and you've barely had interaction with him while he was there? Yes, you're definitely overthinking it.

You're upset he pied you before you managed to pie him? Good for him ignoring you.

So a coworker who isn’t a friend and you weren’t planning on talking to, quickly left before you got chance to not talk to him?

This! I’m quite baffled.

Maybe he knew you wouldn’t say goodbye to him and didn’t want to feel embarrassed when he was snubbed.

Or maybe he was terrified that you might hug him or something. I’m quite tactile but with people I don’t know well I get quite panicked about hugs and cheek kisses.

He, like many other people, finds these kind of social interactions awkward. As is common in humans, he avoided a situation which to him is awkward. I work in a very close knit and supportive team in a very demanding profession (very lucky as it makes the job manageable). Someone moved on recently and did not want a big send off, everyone in together to say goodbye or a communal lunch. Totally expected by the team as she really struggles with that kind of thing (as do a significant percentage of the population). We left her gift on her desk when she was out on a visit- rather than make a big thing of it, said our goodbyes individually and wished her well. Someone else is due to leave in a few months and it will be a totally different approach but lots of people struggle with endings and goodbyes. If you really think about it- a colleague leaving for good at 5 on a friday and then feeling it is expected to mark this in some way - even if you like them but it was always just a professional within work relationship- is a bloody minefield for most people. If you are socially awkward you have probably spent the whole day getting more anxious how to play this!

I find goodbyes really, really awkward. It feels emotional and I never know whether I'm supposed to hug them or say something meaningful. If he's a shy, socially awkward man I can absolutely understand why he wanted to avoid that situation. Don't take it personally and certainly don't let it spoil your memories of your last day. I'm sure it's nothing to do with you at all but all down to his social anxiety. I know from experience that life isn't easy when you're shy. Cut him some slack.

Then what’s the problem?

Tbh he sounds like me. I'm rubbish at that sort of conversation, how long do you talk, how much small talk, when is it polite to say bye then... especially as a last goodbye. I'll do my utmost to avoid it too!

I'm a confident and social person but I totally hate goodbyes- especially when I'm not going to see the person again. Likewise I don't want any fuss of it the other way around.

It sounds quite obvious that he has some sort of social anxiety. You don't sound great at reading/understanding people.

Honestly, some people just go to work to get their work done and pay their bills. Nothing wrong with them, except other people's expectations -which they didn't sign up to. Not everyone sees their workplace as a social environment.

You sound really tiresome. Maybe get over yourself?

I think we all do this a bit when we are young (not sure how old you are btw), we want the people we don’t like to suddenly care about us….weird isn’t it?

it’s just psychology because you probably felt he ‘should’ say bye on some level. Maybe you think if he was leaving you would?

in the end it doesn’t really matter x

Probably didn’t want to be fake and pretend that he was going to miss you, etc etc etc, when he knew that you hadn’t really connected in the office anyway? Just bear in mind that whilst you might feel everyone else in the office was making a big fuss of you, not all of it would have been genuine.