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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step kids and bio kids

87 replies

Laurens96 · 11/11/2022 15:48

Hi I'm just looking for a bit of advice.
I have 2 step kids a 12 year old girl and a soon to be 11 year old boy. I also have 3 daughters with my partner twin 2 year old and a 6 month old.
I've finished Christmas present shopping early so decided to get my twins birthday presents out of sales even tho their birthday in till may. Having all 3 of mygirls birthdays within 10 days I thought it best to get in front.
The twins have had £50 each for their birthday. My partner has had a go saying it's too much for their birthday as he only gives his 2 kids from his previous marriage £25 each. I pointed out I've offered every year to put extra to their birthday money for the 6 years we've been together and he always tells me no. I've done the twins birthday on my own he hasn't put anything to it either.

His 2 kids have had the same as my twins for Christmas money wise which I did the majority of myself he only really helped with the baby whose had a lot less as she doesn't need much this year. But he said it looks like I've favoured our children together there too as they've got more for the same money being so little.

My question is am I being unreasonable for saying I'm not spending more on Christmas just cuz my girls stuff was cheaper then the older kids. And am I being unreasonable by still doing £50 for my girls birthday knowing my partner won't allow his children to have more then £25 for their birthday.

OP posts:
Brigante9 · 13/11/2022 15:48

And again, what is this prince of a man contributing? Why are you worried about what his dc get? That’s his responsibility and that of his ex. They’re doubling up on presents as a pp said.

GrazingSheep · 13/11/2022 16:08

Does he contribute fairly to household finances?

Runnerduck34 · 13/11/2022 17:05

I think kids should be treated fairly and have similar amounts spent on them, although usually the younger they are the cheaper the gifts ( no tech or brands etc) so with such a big age gap I'd probably spend more on the older kids , however as the older kids aren't yours you may feel differently.
What shocked me is how tight your OH is!!
He should be buying ALL his kids gifts and contributing fairly , £25 on his DCs birthday is really really tight imo (unless money is really scarce and you genuinely can't afford more)
How do you split your family finances?

Rippled · 13/11/2022 17:26

Make your life complicated - complicated situations arise.
The only certainty is a degree of trauma, for all involved

ConnieTucker · 13/11/2022 19:31

Rippled · 13/11/2022 17:26

Make your life complicated - complicated situations arise.
The only certainty is a degree of trauma, for all involved

Certainly for op. Her do works 2-10. Gets up at 11am and is no help. Did the night feed when he got home and wanted a medal. Goes out every other weekend without a second thought. When op had one night out planned in three years he said she couldnt go as he would have to look after his children alone, despite op doing this every other week when he goes out, and gave her the silent treatment for days.

he is awful.

@Laurens96 your dad said you could go there, didnt he. Did you? Have you considered it?

Original poster
Laurens96 · 14/11/2022 21:40

ConnieTucker · 13/11/2022 19:31

Certainly for op. Her do works 2-10. Gets up at 11am and is no help. Did the night feed when he got home and wanted a medal. Goes out every other weekend without a second thought. When op had one night out planned in three years he said she couldnt go as he would have to look after his children alone, despite op doing this every other week when he goes out, and gave her the silent treatment for days.

he is awful.

@Laurens96 your dad said you could go there, didnt he. Did you? Have you considered it?

Show quote history

I've been spending a lot of time at my mom and dad's the last few weeks as all 3 girls are teething at the sane time. Big 2 are struggling with their back teeth and the baby has been very cranky and clinging getting her first tooth through.
They've been helping a lot since its been a struggle with the 3 going through it at the same time. My dad's been having the girls after he finishes work while my mom cooks everyone's tea so I can shower and wash my hair (I have very oily hair that needs washing every other day or it's just a mess).

OP posts:
Chailatteplease · 14/11/2022 21:45

NeedAChangeAsIAmSoooOuting · 11/11/2022 16:39

He spends £25 on his children's bdays?! I'm seriously shocked by that. I must live on another planet.

Me too. He’s a tightwad.

ConnieTucker · 15/11/2022 06:44

How are you finding spending the time away? Are you still going to be away / have been away when his older children are there?

Original poster
Laurens96 · 15/11/2022 15:20

I feel a lot better mentally from actually having a little help and just being able to wash my hair I feel better in myself.
I come back home on a night to keep the girls routine going. I still stay at home on a weekend when my sc are here.

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 15/11/2022 20:44

Laurens96 · 15/11/2022 15:20

I feel a lot better mentally from actually having a little help and just being able to wash my hair I feel better in myself.
I come back home on a night to keep the girls routine going. I still stay at home on a weekend when my sc are here.

So he still hasnt had to do any parenting on his own?

Original poster
Laurens96 · 16/11/2022 13:01

Not unless I'm doing the shopping

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 16/11/2022 22:59

Laurens96 · 16/11/2022 13:01

Not unless I'm doing the shopping

Are you happy with this life? It sounds miserable and he sounds awful.

why not stay at your parents for a weekend when he has his children? Give yourself a proper break.

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