dh wont discuss baby names

[ottornot]

baby coming next month. at the start i admittedly pestered dh into deciding on a name as i wanted baby to have more of an identity so i could feel more attached to her. decided on a name that i definitely do love but the more time has passed the more i don’t think it’s the name for her - it sounds too similar to her sisters name which i didn’t realise when agreeing it with dh (i have actually posted about this on the baby name thread before as it’s been bothering me for so long).

i’ve since tried to get dh to discuss names again as i’ve said i’ve gone off it and he just point blank won’t respond. just says ‘you pestered me into choosing a name and now i’ve chosen one you don’t like it’ etc etc. which i get. but also she’s going to have this name forever so like… imo maybe i did pester but also i can’t name her something that has literally given me sleepless nights for months.

Have you suggested alternative names to your husband? Just tell him that you've decided to wait until baby is here to see what she looks like and what name suits her, you don't have to give your baby a name you don't like

yeah have sent him name suggestions etc and he’s happy to discuss middle names for the original name but will not even respond if i mention the first name.

i know it sounds silly but it’s really stressing me out, i’d like a name chosen because i don’t want to decide such a big thing when i’ve just popped a baby out because i’m worried i’ll be all drugged up/hormonal and not thinking straight and choose one i don’t love 😅

How similar are the names?

If you live in England, Wales or N.I. you have 6 weeks to register the birth, if you're in Scotland it's 3 weeks so still plenty time to decide on a name after the birth without it being too rushed

like same sort of sound, same syllables etc. not exactly rhyming but when i posted them on here most of the responses said they’re too similar etc. hard to describe without saying them and outing myself

I must confess to sympathising with your husband here.

So many people choose a name and then change their minds once the baby arrives and choose something that they believe to be more 'fitting'.

It sounds like your husband was happy to wait but you badgered him into agreeing to a name that YOU wanted. Now you've decided that the name you pestered him into agreeing to, you no longer want. Instead you want to go through the whole rigmarole again when you may well change your mind again once the baby arrives.

Either way, I hope you find a name (in whatever timescale) that you BOTH love and suits your child. Good luck.

If he opts out of the discussion, doesn’t that mean it’s your choice?

Also, there’s nothing at all wrong with changing your mind during pregnancy.

It’s supposed to be one of the fun bonding things you do while pregnant

how engaged is he?

I’m curious as to what he’s expecting when you go to register the birth? Surely he won’t force you into a name you don’t want? That’s insane.

If one parent doesn’t agree them surely it’s back to the drawing board.

Is his reluctance because he thinks you will change your mind again?

i think he just thinks i’ll stick with the original plan. which i probably will if he won’t discuss further because i don’t really want a nameless baby.

i think the problem is - the name was on my list and i loved it but thought dh would hate it so when he said oh what about x i immediately said yes without really considering it. other problem with the name is i have a northern accent and have realised it sounds kind of horrible in my accent 🥲

Wouldn't you need to see the baby first to see if the name is a good fit? What's the rush?

I think it makes more sense now to wait until your baby is born and decide the new name then, she doesn’t need a name yet and you might change your mind when you see her anyway.

I think it’s so hard to decide a name for a baby until you look at them.

We had a few name ideas, but when she arrived, one just felt right.

Due in three weeks myself, and not too stressed we aren’t pinned down to a name 100% yet.

You will find the perfect name, OP.

Good luck.

Like Kerry and Jenny for example?

id just keep on with your list and then discuss it once the baby’s here. Ours didn’t have a name for 2 weeks then my husband just asked what I’d like and that was that!

Choose a name yourself.

Announce it after you've given birth.

Your H sounds as if he has resented having to give headspace to the naming decision right from he start. Take the burden off the poor man's shoulders.

Is he disappointed you're not having a boy? Why has he checked out of this?

Decide what you would like to name the baby. If he won't engage in a conversation about it, and refuses to discuss then that's that.

(If anyone was going to to grow me a human to go halves on I'd let them call it whatever they wanted, personally 😂)

It’s sounds like you’ve had a touch of the Goldilocks over this name.

• you need a name to be attached? What was wrong with Pip or Bean like everyone else, for the pregnancy
• it’s too similar to the other name, but you didn’t realise
• it doesn’t work with your accent ? Seriously? And you just realised this? I suppose in my area Jenny (Jen-nee) becomes Jen-eh so quite different.
• you can’t pick it the day baby arrives in case you’re hormonal or drugged
• you can’t pick it a week later because you can’t have a nameless baby (see Pip, Bean…)

He could be an arse. Or he could just be fed up with you being a pain about it. Sounds like the choosing would be hard work, and then you’d want to change again anyway. Perhaps he really wants the name you agreed to?

but see i don’t mind not having a name set in stone now but he won’t even discuss other options. i’d quite happily go in with a few options that we both like and decide when she’s here but he won’t even entertain it

He or MIL have probably gone out and got embroidered named gifts, and he's miffed they may be useless!!!

Sorry but you sound really hard work. Who actively pesters and chooses a name when you've basically first conceived? That's batshit. He probably thinks you'll change your mind back and are being difficult. Just forget it for now, enjoy your pregnancy and talk about it once baby is here. My second didn't have a name for a day, doesn't matter.

You've got ages yet. Why not wait and see what baby looks like?

I can see his point.

I can see his POV. Sounds like he knows there's no point in talking about it because you'll just change your mind. Wait until its born and reassess.

Just name her when she’s here. We had a list but waited to see what she looked like. The minute she was born DH was asking what we were going to name her and I just told him to give me a minute as I’d just pushed a human out of me. We named her the next day. We let parents know that little girl had arrived safely. The next day we let them know we were trying out this name but don’t get too attached in case we changed our minds, we didn’t.

Also I’m northern and things do sound different in that accent but you can spell names in a way that accommodates that. Both my first and middle names are spelt in a way that accommodates the northern accent (less common but still accepted variations).